Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817330665196863261/episodes/16817330665197035526
After walking with Tanba-san to the halfway point, I was on my way home alone with Tsukane as usual.
Tsukane, who had been silent for a while, looked at me several times as if she wanted to ask me something.
This is a signal to ask something.
It would be …… awkward to ignore her and continue walking.
I’m sure Tsukane is waiting for me to ask …… something.
“Haa…… what is it. What’s wrong?”
“…… this is, if you don’t mind me asking,…….”
The words are broken, as if they are hard to say.
I gently urge with a look that says it doesn’t matter.
“–If Tanba-san hadn’t confessed, would Tomose have become my boyfriend? ”
“…………”
I guess she thinks that our bond has been broken by a single misunderstanding.
She must have understood that it wasn’t as strong as she had believed it to be and that it was just a boundary line that we had protected each other from.
I think that walking the right distance from each other is enough to call it an irreplaceable bond, but for Tsukane it may have been different.
Is it because I feel betrayed by the feelings I continued to believe in ……?
It makes me doubt what I had assumed as a chain of events.
After all that’s happened,…… I guess that’s where I got worried about whether I liked Tsukane after all, something I thought I was sure of.
Perhaps…….
“Maybe you want to reassure yourself that if there really was a future where I would have dumped her, this whole thing would have made it not happen?”
“…yeah”
I’m worried about Tsukane, who has become more sneaky than ever.
But I can’t comfort you by hugging you here.
I’m Tanba-san’s boyfriend, not Tsukune’s, so my pride won’t allow me to ignore the competition and just be selfish….
But we have a word for that.
Arguing is something we do all the time,…… usually, did we hug? No, we’ve always made up through words.
“I told you so. Even if it’s one more time…Tsukane guess is correct. I like Takune.”
“Is this still?”
“Yes. Yes, even now.”
“Why didn’t you say so? say it clearly.”
“Because I’m embarrassed. I know it doesn’t sound like me, but I’ve never been in love before.”
“Tell me. ……”
When I honestly told her how I really felt, she ordered me to do it. It seems that I don’t have the right of refusal.
“I’m in love with Tsukane. This isn’t a confession.”
“Can you please not say such a lonely thing?”
“Sorry, that was unnecessary.”
“So, since when?”
“Recently. I realized this love for you because you made me feel insecure.”
Calm down and be sure of your love.
I now know how nice it was to have Tsukane next to me every day.
Even the despair that seemed to crush me had a meaning.
So, I don’t deny Tsukane’s way either.
If that game had not been played and she had suddenly confessed her love to me….
I wonder… I think it sounded like a joke to me.
Tsukane lowered her eyes regretfully and muttered.
“Then maybe this is just Karma”
“Maybe it’s just bad luck.”
“I’d rather have a reason for my bad luck.”
“That’s another …… why?”
“Because I don’t know what to resent and what to cling to. Girls are sensitive, you know. You don’t know that though.”
Sure, maybe I don’t know the girls’ sensibilities.
But I just don’t try to know because I don’t need to.
I just want you to be the only one I know.
“I do know the sensitivity of Tsukane. But that’s not justified.”
“I’m justifying the pain. So that I don’t have to go through the same pain again.”
“I see. …… If that makes sense to you, then that’s the way to look at it.”
I don’t want to give mental care, but I couldn’t watch Tsukane trying to cling to the past forever.
Was there a cause-and-effect relationship? Although I can’t help but think so.
Is there a background that I don’t know about that I simply can’t think of as bad luck?
The questioning gave rise to a small but strong emotion.
“There’s no way I could satisfy…… I was so close,……, but it’s not that I hate Tanba-san. I want to blame myself for going about it the wrong way.”
“You talked to Shuta and Chiharu about it, didn’t you? You can’t keep it all to yourself. That’s exactly what you should complain to them about.”
If self-blame leads to that regret, it is wrong.
If it’s really hard for you, you can hit someone else.
There’s no need to hold back from us…it hasn’t happened before.
If you want, just let it all out.
It is probably easier for Tsukane
“I’m sure it would be easier for Tsukane to just let it all out. I think those two were only consulting with the best of intentions.”
“Then just say it to me.”
I want to do so.
Maybe I want to feel at ease when I see Takune, who looks like the usual Takune.
“Well, …… can I dump it on Tomose?”
“Yeah, sure”
Tsukane comes a little closer to me.
I couldn’t even look at her face because she was so cute that I felt like I would drown if I even slightly came into view.
Without awareness of my vision, my heart beats faster this time at the heat of hers through the air, which gives comfort to my slightly cold hand.
I guess I had been holding back for so long because I understood that it was something that would dig deep into my wounds.
If I did that in front of Tanba-san, it would give her an opening to take advantage of me, and I guess that’s part of the reason why it was so hard to say.
“You’re a wimp,…..someone you love is about to be taken away from you, and you’re stupid enough to just let it go.”
These words were not strongly emotional.
The words are delivered in a weak voice, as if she were reading to me from a picture book.
Even though these words sound like she’s talking to herself, they really stick with me.
It’s okay, I’ll accept your anger.
“You just keep running away to study. …… pathetic.”
I knew you had noticed.
I thought Tsukane was pretty focused on studying for the exam too, but she was watching me all the time.
The affection was …… stinging.
It was pathetic.
I could have changed something, or I could have revealed the truth, and I would have had enough time to find such an opportunity – but I didn’t.
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