Episode 5 – (Side story) Her Reason

I was extremely shy and had a tendency to climb up and down.

Since elementary school, I couldn’t even say my presentation in class properly, and study presentations were so bad that I hated every fall season that had them.

I grew my hair long and hid my face to avoid stares.

Even my appearance became like a ghost, and I was ridiculed and bullied.

“Sana-chan~, aren’t you going to guess my name in the next class?”

“Hahaha! Stop it!”

“I wonder if she’s going to respond with “Hiyay!” again?”

“Wow, you’re just like her!”

At the beginning of junior high school, I was suddenly guessed and in my haste I gave a strange reply, and the whole classroom laughed at me.

For a while after that, before classes where I was about to be guessed, boys would come to make fun of me, and girls would look at me condescendingly from a distance.

–No more

When I didn’t say a word, not in class or even on a regular basis, the teachers stopped pointing at me.

The school may have taken my situation into consideration, but as time went on and everyone got bored, I was treated as if I didn’t exist.

At that point, it was easier for me to be ignored than to be bothered, and I always spent my time alone, reading books.

Reading stories was fun, and I did so all the time except during class.

Only during that time, I could be the main character. ……

Then when it came time to apply for high school, I chose a school as far away from home as possible.

I couldn’t go that far because of my father’s will, but I was able to go to a school with a reasonably high deviation score, so no one knew me that well.

After all, even though I went to the same junior high school, there were probably many people who didn’t recognize my existence.

(When I get to high school, I just have to endure until they start ignoring me again. …….)

It’s like in the story, you are surrounded by friends, you have someone you like, and you get married to that person.

It’s not that I didn’t long for such a life, but I had long since given up on the idea that it was impossible for me.

For me, it was something that existed only in stories.

Until he appeared in front of me…….

When I entered high school and walked into class, everyone stopped talking and paid attention.

As dark as I looked, they looked at me and said, ‘What is that?’ ‘Isn’t that girl kinda bad?’ The whole classroom was filled with an atmosphere of not wanting to have anything to do with me.

(……I knew it.)

I knew I would never fit in.

I walked quickly to my seat, thinking it was better that they didn’t come to make fun of me directly, and found a boy reading a book without looking up.

(Is this person……?)

The boy seemed to be hiding his expression by growing his hair out, though not as long as mine.

(Maybe he has the same …… as me.)

I quickly put such delusions out of my mind that I was thinking too much and sat diagonally behind him.

It’s just a fantasy; I’m overly sensitized to stories.

Even though I knew that, I was still curious about him.

It was my first day of book duty.

I became a member of the same library committee as him, so once a week I would spend my lunch break with him.

By this time I knew that, unlike me, he was making good announcements in class when he was guessed at, and conversing with the rest of the class, albeit minimally.

(YWell. Who is the same person as me? …….)

For some reason, I was a little shocked by this, but that didn’t mean there was anything wrong with me, and I waited for him in the library, a little nervous.

“Sakurae-san, right? Nice to meet you.”

“…….”

He came immediately and greeted me briefly.

I could only give him a small nod, but he didn’t seem to mind and took out a book and began to read.

(…… I, too, shall do so.)

Following his lead, I, too, started reading a book.

The book I read at that time was interesting and I immersed myself in it so much that I forgot where I was.

“Sakurae san….Sakurae san!”

“Hyaa!! W-What is it?!”

“The bell rang already. Let’s hurry up and get back.”

“Eh…? Ah, it’s already this time …….”

He spoke to me and I made a strange noise.

When I realized this, the memories of junior high school gradually came back to me.

I turned my face down and prepared for him to laugh at me.

But …….

“What’s wrong? Come on, let’s go.”

“…… Eh?”

He quickly cleaned up and called out to me again.

(He doesn’t laugh ……?)

I stared at him with wide eyes.

He tilted his head at that, ‘Are you feeling sick?’

I shook my head and stood up as he asked me to.

Then we walked side by side to the classroom.

We didn’t have any conversation during that time, but I remember feeling a gradual warmth in my heart.

He never laughed at me.

From then on, I began to look forward to the days when I was on library duty.

“Oh, um, ……, Kokonoe-kun.”

“What’s wrong….?”

He was always reading a book, but when I called out to him, no matter how small my voice was, he looked up and listened to me.

“Don’t you …… hate being with me?”

“…… hmm?”

He pretended to think, then said.

“Did you do something to make me uncomfortable?”

“I-I didn’t do anything! But …….”

Laughing, he continued.

“I’m glad. I was concentrating on my book, and I was afraid I’d get a ‘moron’ on my back.”

“Mouu! I would never do that!”

He laughs at my urgency.

But it’s not a condescending laugh at me, it’s a very gentle laugh …….

“I know, Sakurae san wouldn’t do such a thing.”

“Ah…uuu,…….”

[I know.]

He understands me.

Only he sees the real me.

When I thought of that, my face got so hot that it caught fire.

“Then, here…..Sakurae.”

“Y, yes!”

I stood up as the teacher hit me.

(Don’t worry, only Kokonoe-kun will never …… laugh at me.)

I felt my strength come back to me when I thought that.

The power that Kokonoe-kun gives me is …….

“It is …….”

“Eh? What is it?”

“It’s “a”!”

I answered as if shouting, and the classroom was abuzz.

My chest tightened and I felt pain.

But …….

“O-oh ……, you answered correctly. You answered cheerfully.”

The teacher’s words brought a gentle laughter to the classroom.

That laughter was not unpleasant, and I sat down in my seat with a stomp as my strength relaxed.

(…… Kokonoe-kun.)

I stared at his back in a daze, and as if my thoughts were getting through to him, he turned around.

(……!)

He smiled gently at me and nodded once small.

-I was already inexplicably attracted to him.

Later, I was late for book duty.

I had forgotten to turn in my work and had to stop by the staff room.

Cursing myself for having wasted precious time with my frivolous mind, I quickly made my way to the library.

When I finally arrived there, he was reading a book as usual, …….

(…… amazing.)

I suddenly thought, honestly.

The place he was in was like a masterpiece cut out of a painting, a mysterious charm that I couldn’t take my eyes off of.

I took out my phone quietly on a whim and took a picture of the scene.

(Ah, ……!)

I realized that I had just done it and immediately tried to erase the picture.

I knew that it was wrong to take a hidden picture.

Still, I couldn’t delete it in the end, because I was also attracted to him in the picture.

…… Then I started taking pictures of him reading his book.

He is unaware that I sometimes look at Kokonoe-kun when we are not conversing.

His expression as he reads changes depending on the story he is reading, whether it is a wrinkle between his eyebrows or a huff of his cheeks, and I thought it was cute.

The differences may be so minor that they are not noticeable to others, but he was different in every picture I took of him, and each one became a very precious memory.

One day, on my way back to the classroom with Kokonoe-kun, I tripped and nearly fell on the stairs.

“Hywawa..!”

“Ah…… Are you okay?”

I was so happy to feel his touch on me.

I panicked at the joy of his touching me.

“S-Sory…..! I, uh, ……!”

He laughed at me and made me stand up properly, and then he said,

“It’s hard to see in front of you, isn’t it? It’s dangerous.”

“…… yes.”

After all, kokonoe-kun is kind and caring.

If he said so, I decided to cut my hair.

Then I got the friend I wanted.

But I didn’t feel as happy about it as I thought I would.

No matter how many compliments other people gave me, what Kokonoe-kun thought of me was many times more important. ……

However, it was around this time that our paths began to diverge.

I had hoped to be closer to him again, but the seat change was far from the end of the classroom, and it became difficult for me to look at him in the classroom.

The gap between us widens little by little, and finally he rejects me.

“…… Shota-kun.”

I look at my precious memories and sigh as I recall those storybook days.

The two of us are still in the same place as we were back then,…….

No, I want to get closer to Shota-kun …….

He made me a little bit stronger, and it seems I’ve become greedy as well.

I swore strongly in my heart that I would never give up his number one spot.

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