Episode 28 – Selfishness

Source

https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16816452219468102061/episodes/16816927859249870505

Listening to Misaka san’s thoughts, I also think that I may have made a fatal mistake. It has been an act of betrayal of Misaki sensei’s feelings.

The secret remains a secret, and I will ask Misaka san to go home quietly…… Maybe that would have been better.

However, in the end, I think I had no choice but to do this. I have no confidence in my ability to keep my relationship with Misaki sensei a secret from Saki and Misaka san for a long time to come. There is also the worry that the secret will eventually be exposed in a worse way and the two of them will go out of control.

Regardless of her pretense……she was really trying to push Misaki sensei away. For Misaki sensei, there is a possibility of an even worse ending.

……Well, I guess this is an excuse for my mistake.

Aside from that.

“I’m off.”

“Sorry to bother you.”

It was past 8:30 a.m. when Misaka san and I left the house.

On the other hand, Saki had left the house earlier because she was going to play with her friends. But, as she had declared in advance, Saki seemed to be planning to follow us.

[Onii chan is out ! I’ll start the tailing ! I mean, are the two of them in the mood of going out together !? That’s what I thought, but when I actually saw it, I was really annoyed !]

I could faintly hear the voice of Saki’s heart, hidden somewhere. I can’t see her, but she seem to be nearby.

This is……definitely a development of the four group coming together.

I’m not dating anyone yet, and it’s not cheating, but it’s awkward, like having multiple girlfriends all together.

Exhaling a secret sigh, I go to the nearest station first. On the way, Misaka san talks to me.

“What do you think of Saki, Fujisaki kun?”

“Eh? What do you mean?”

[Do you like her as a member of the opposite sex? That was way too frank……]

 

“Erm……Saki’s cute, I guess.”

“Ah, yeah.”

“If I were a boy and had such a cute little sister, I’d probably become a siscon. What about you, Fujisaki kun? Don’t you ever think that you don’t need a girlfriend anymore and just need a little sister?”

“Eh……?”

[Saki chan probably likes Fujisaki kun as a member of the opposite sex… Then it all depends on Fujisaki kun’s feelings. Romance between brother and sister is also a big obstacle, but it can also make you feel strangely excited. I can’t let my guard down.]

“……I’ve never thought that all I need is a little sister. Although she is cute and important.”

“Well, that’s true too. So, have you ever thought about making your sister a romantic interest?”

“Huh? Why are you asking me that? Of course I wouldn’t–“

“I guess so. It’s difficult to make family members the object of your love, isn’t it? But what if Saki was to come on to you? Like asking you to hold her.”

“T-that can’t happen, right?”

[Hm? What’s with your reaction now? You were a little nervous, weren’t you? Don’t tell me you’re already in that situation? Or are you actually having such fantasies? You’re a boy, so it might be natural for you to have such immoral fantasies…….]

Misaka san’s eyes sparkle. I’m just breaking out in a cold sweat.

“……Fujisaki kun. If it were possible, what would you do?”

“It’s too improbable to imagine.’

[It’s a lie !]

“……I see. If I had an older brother who imagined such a thing, it would be scary for me as a younger sister.”

On the surface, she shows understanding, but I can tell that she is extremely suspicious inside. I’d like to know what’s so suspicious about my attitude?

“Yeah. If I’m imagining things like that, it’s bad for Saki.”

“I know. Then you wouldn’t get excited if you found Saki’s pants in the washing machine, would you?”

“……Haha. I won’t, okay?”

[Ah, you lied again. You’re full of lies]

“I see. I’m relieved that you have a healthy brother-sister relationship.”

Haha. The gap between her words on the surface and her inner voice is scary.

“Well, I don’t know much about it either, but they say there’s a physiological need to stop brothers and sisters from getting into a romantic relationship, right? I don’t really understand, but they don’t like the smell of their family, or something.”

“Oh, I’ve heard that before. It is very common for people to say that they just can’t accept the smell of their father. Fujisaki kun, do you also dislike Saki chan’s scent?”

“……Ah, I didn’t say I don’t like it.”

“So it’s a no. It’s weird when you say it.”

[There is no particular physiological resistance from Fujisaki kun to Saki chan. Also, from what I’ve heard, it seems like there’s quite a bit of desire to flirt with Saki chan if that’s possible. This is getting more and more dangerous. In other words, my rivals are Sensei and Saki chan. Then……]

“Speaking of that, how are things going with Azuma senpai? You’re always alone in the club room with her, right? Don’t you get a good vibe from her?”

“Haha. Nothing like that. Azuma senpai is not interested in younger boys.”

[Hmm? This isn’t a lie, but it also doesn’t mean it’s completely true. They sometimes go home together, so they’re pretty close.]

“Why do you think that? She’s just trying not to show those feelings, but maybe she’s interested in Fujisaki kun, right?”

“Well, I can’t say that it’s impossible, you know…….”

Azuma senpai’s attitude is relatively curt. However, from Misaki sensei’s point of view, she seems to have a faint romantic interest in me.

I haven’t been paying much attention to it lately, but the last number I saw above her head was 55. My father is 52 and my mother is about 57, so it’s somewhere in between… Hm? Wait? I had a feeling that Azuma senpai’s numbers weren’t very high, but does that mean its as high as my family’s? Isn’t that pretty amazing?

“Hmm? What’s wrong, Fujisaki kun? You suddenly became very absentminded.”

“Oh, ah……it’s nothing.”

Misaka san is [79] huh. The number has been slowly rising since she started asking for advice on Takuma. If [55] is common, then perhaps “79” is an abnormal value? Does that mean that Misaki sensei’s [86] and Saki’s [94] are also quite crazy……?

Ah, but if I think back, all three of them are out of whack in various ways. I see. ……Does that mean there is no escape for me?

I get a thin chill and gulp. W-well, no matter how buggy the numbers are, they won’t suddenly start killing each other. Yeah, that’s right. They won’t !

“…..Fujisaki kun. Seriously, what’s wrong? You look strangely serious…..”

“N-nothing ! Yeah ! It’s nothing ! It has to be that way !”

“What do you mean by that……?”

Misaka san tilts her head. I can’t imagine this kind-looking face suddenly becoming the face of a horror heroine. Yeah, I can’t, I can’t.

[What’s wrong? Did I say something strange? While talking about Azuma senpai, does it remind Fujisaki kun of something unpleasant? …If Azuma senpai is doing something to Fujisaki kun, I have to stop Azuma senpai no matter what. I won’t hold back, okay…?]

Wait, wait, wait ! Don’t involve Azuma senpai ! Azuma Senpai did nothing wrong !

“W-well, what was it? I think Azuma senpai is a nice person who has a strong heart and goals, right? But that’s it.”

“Hmm? Is that so? So, what if it comes from Azuma senpai.”

“Still, there’s no way I’d go out with Azuma senpai. She’s not that kind of person.”

[That is a lie, isn’t it?]

“Hmm. I see. Well, there’s a difference between someone you respect and someone you date, isn’t there?”

“Yeah……that’s right…….”

Haha. What a human lie detector. At least be a great detective. Don’t spot all the lies without any evidence…….

[Fujisaki kun is also aware of Azuma senpai…… That means Azuma senpai is also a potential rival….. He might get stolen by someone else if I don’t take the initiative. I wonder if I can afford to care about Takuma? …..I always think about myself. I’m not qualified to love Fujisaki kun……]

Misaka san suddenly showed a sad smile.

Misaka san, you’ve always been concerned about selfishness and such. Certainly, some people would be disgusted if a person with a boyfriend was scheming in various ways to find a way to amicably break up with him or drop the next guy.

As for me…I don’t know. Girls are not pure, innocent angels, and I also think that whether or not you can truly love someone is whether or not you can love that person, including the cunning side.

Loving something beautiful and lovely comes naturally to everyone. But that is no different than seeking an ideal that does not exist in reality. There is no such thing as a person who is not cunning, and I think it is very difficult, but important, to love what is human.

I’m still immature. However, I have been pushed around by Saki since I was a child, and I think I have become somewhat capable of such things. Sometimes she is unreasonable, sometimes she is absurd, but she has a charm that can only be found in human beings. 

I don’t dislike the way Misaka san worries about these things, even if it is a little cunning or selfish.

But I can’t even tell her that……. I have to pretend that I don’t even know that Misaka san is troubled.

“……..Misaka-san, you are strangely concerned about my love life today.”

“Hm? Well, I like stories like that. Now that a woman has finally approached Fujisaki kun, I want to ask her all sorts of questions.”

“Curious, huh. I don’t think it would be interesting to hear about me.”

“……It’s interesting to me.”

[I mean, you can’t fight a situation unless you know exactly what’s going on, right?]

The warrior face lurking behind the cheerful smile is terrifying…….

“I don’t want it to become a topic of curiosity.”

“You don’t want it to get heated up in a bad way, right? But in a normal conversation, that’s better than not being curious, don’t you think?”

“That’s true.”

As we are talking, we come to the nearest station. In addition, Saki was also following exactly and was thinking about a lot of things.

[Ugh, I’m so frustrated that they’re talking so happily ! Why do you seem to be having more fun than when you’re talking to me? Is it my imagination? I mean, what are they talking about? I’m curious, but if I get too close to him, he might find out……. Ah, he just smiled. Don’t smile at any girl but me…… I know it’s selfish of me to think like this, but …… I wish Onii chan would be my only one……. Am I a yandere? Am I a bad girl? But I can’t help thinking that….. It’s safe as long as I don’t love him too much and stab him to death, right? Mm-hmm. Ah…..why isn’t it me who’s next to Onii chan……]

I was listening to those feelings now. But I can’t react.

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