Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817330655556357602/episodes/16817330658003903953
For some time now, I have often been unsure of myself.
But I always thought it was because I was trying to be a good complement to Hanabi and was holding myself back.
But I may have been mistaken.
I subconsciously felt uncomfortable with my lack of memory…..and I think now I can sort of understand why I had always felt uneasy.
And the day I learned that I had [amnesia for a year] I became more and more unsure of myself.
It’s possible that my self-awareness has been distorted by the loss of my memory and that the person I am today is not the original Sagami Asahi.
If so, who the hell am I……
The more I think about it, the more I feel like I’m not myself, and I’m bound by an indescribable fear.
Not knowing what I remembered and what I had forgotten was a horrifying analogy….as if everything I thought was real until now had been made up.
――That day when I saw the medical certificate.
I asked my parents when they came home from work, and they answered.
Apparently, it was true that I had lost my memory, and the reason they had kept quiet about it was because they were looking for the right time to tell the doctor in consideration of the emotional burden it would place on me.
If you ask me, my parents have tried to tell me about my amnesia several times, but they couldn’t because of my state of mind.
By “state of mind,” may be referring to my inferiority complex toward Hanabi.
Well, I wasn’t going to deny it now. It is an undeniable fact that I had a complex about my sister, who can do anything, and myself, who can’t do anything, by comparing the two.
In other words, according to my parents’ story, it was for my own good that they had kept quiet about my amnesia for a year.
I understand that, and I don’t blame my parents or Hanabi in any way.
But I really feel that it’s not easy to get my mind straightened out.
◆ ◆ ◆
A few days have passed since then, and although my parents are away from home most of the time for work as usual…..Hanabi is also busy with summer classes and student council work, and we hardly had a chance to talk to each other.
I, on the other hand, have been holed up in my room more often to write a script, and I haven’t talked to Hanabi more than usual these days. In fact, I could even say that I haven’t spoken to her once since then.
“Sigh…………”
The room is dimly lit, with closed curtains blocking out the outside light and not even a light on.
I let out a deep, deep sigh as I looked at the blank screen of my laptop computer.
I have been sitting at my desk every day to write a script, but I haven’t made a single cut since that day and before I knew it, summer vacation was coming to an end.
I’ve been told that the deadline for the script is after the summer vacation, and I know I have to start writing it soon to make it in time, but my head has been empty and I’ve been in a depressed mood for a long time now.
I’ve been so mentally driven that I’ve been thinking negatively that I don’t even know myself, there’s no way I can write a script.
Meanwhile, the time just went on and on, and I was getting more and more frustrated.
Around noon, I thought that it would be useless if I didn’t continue like this, so I decided to pack my laptop into my bag and go out for the first time in a few days.
In the boiling heat, I rode my bicycle to the nearest station and took the train to school.
I never thought I would ever think of going to school during summer vacation, but I realized that staying in my room would only make me feel depressed, so I decided to do some writing in the school library for a change.
The library would be cool and air-conditioned, and there would be materials to help me write, so it would be perfect.
With this in mind, I arrived at the school after a 30-minute drive and was on my way to the library on the third floor of the old school building.
Around the landing of the stairs leading to the third floor, I was suddenly called out.
“–Hm～? Asahi kun, why are you here～?”
When I turned around, I saw Kohanai Futaba senpai, the vice president of the student council.
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