Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051596567318343/episodes/2912051597993986046
(Asakura Chika)
My steps down the school hallway felt somewhat awkward.
Which hand should I put out when which foot steps forward?
I wouldn’t know unless I paid close attention. If I let my guard down, I’d lose control and almost fall over.
The lunchtime scene spreading out before my eyes remained unchanged.
Girls leaning against the hallway walls, chatting animatedly. Boys running past with a ball. Through the windows of the classrooms, boys and girls alike were clapping and laughing as they discussed recent events.
Every time this carefree atmosphere brushed against my skin, regret stabbed at my heart.
If Sawa hadn’t helped my mother see the light, I wouldn’t be here.
Going to high school, studying, graduating from college, and getting a job.
The path I took for granted can be derailed so easily. Without someone working behind the scenes to maintain it, it derails effortlessly, and it can never run again.
So now that I’ve calmed down, my gratitude has swelled to a point where words can’t express it. My longing for Sawa is so overwhelming that I find myself wandering aimlessly, pretending it’s a coincidence just to run into him…
Ah, what am I doing?
Even though Yuna just told me to stop yesterday.
At the family restaurant, I promised Sawa I wouldn’t get close to him for the time being. That’s in my best interest, too.
I don’t know how to explain why I know what Sawa was hiding without mentioning the livestream. I could say I heard it from my mother, but it felt like I’d be rendering Sawa’s self-sacrificing efforts to hide it meaningless, so I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt like if he thought I should have just been honest instead of lying, it would be a desecration of his self-sacrifice.
So, while I’m still undecided, I want to avoid acting without thinking and making things even more irreversible.
Besides, since I’m the one who said I wouldn’t get involved, I don’t know how to interact with him.
What if he runs away when he sees me?
What if seeing my face makes him feel uncomfortable?
What must he think of me, coming closer even though I told him not to get involved?
If he ends up hating me even more, I won’t be able to go on living.
A chill runs down my spine, and I wrap my arms around myself.
Just like back in middle school, when I liked him but could never confess—I’m still just as cowardly.
I’m scared to see him. I don’t want to see him.
But, hoping for the day I can be with Sawa, my feet move on their own.
Maybe I’m still not thinking clearly after all.
Sawa’s stream announcement is also having an effect. A collaboration with a girl I don’t know. Yesterday, both Yuna and I were already at rock bottom, and we parted ways in silence, our spirits in tatters. It’s probably only natural that I haven’t recovered yet.
“Whoa, watch out!”
I turn toward the voice and realize a boy is standing within arm’s reach—I was about to bump into him.
I come to a screeching halt and bow my head in a nod.
“Oh… I’m sorry.”
After a quick bow, I started walking again, my steps unsteady. I should just go back to the classroom and keep a low profile. Even though I know that, I can’t help but hope for a chance encounter.
Sawa hadn’t let me down. He was still the Sawa I loved; nothing had changed. That realization broke the dam, and my feelings of love surged forward like a raging torrent. Ever since then, my heart has been racing with love.
“Ah.”
I spotted Sawa at the end of the hallway.
My cheeks softened as if melting from the heat.
My feet moved on their own, as if I were floating.
But then, I stopped dead in my tracks.
What should I say to him?
I knew I shouldn’t get close to him, so what was I planning to do?
My reason and my heart were at odds.
Fortunately, Sawa hadn’t noticed me yet.
…I’ll just walk past him. For now, that’s enough.
I started walking again, and then I felt a jolt against my shoulder.
“Ow!”
I’d bumped into her.
A first-year girl who could easily be described as a little devil.
“Oh, sorry. Are you okay.”
I hurried over and held out my hand.
“Y-yes… ouch.”
The girl winced. It looked like she’d sprained her ankle.
Just as I looked around frantically to call for help… I made eye contact with Sawa.
“Ah.”
Sawa looked away awkwardly, but still approached the girl.
“…Senpai?”
“If I lend you my shoulder, do you think you can stand up?”
“Huh? Oh, probably. No, please carry me princess-style~♡”
“Okay then, I’ll lend you my shoulder.”
“…Yeees.”
The younger girl looked dissatisfied, but her cheeks flushed pink as she turned her face away.
“Sorry, see you.”
Without even looking at me, Sawa left just that one word and headed toward the infirmary with the girl.
Watching their backs, my chest throbbed with pain.
“Kuroi, you bump into people a lot, don’t you?”
“Huh? That’s so mean! I don’t bump into people like that!”
“I wonder about that.”
“You’re so mean, senpai! He actually looked kind of cool just now!”
“Really?”
“I’m lying!!”
Before I knew it, I had reached out my hand.
That easygoing, faintly sweet exchange was slipping away, and I let my arms drop limply.
That was supposed to be my spot…
Even though I knew it was my own fault, I still felt like I was going to cry.
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