Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817330650731416950/episodes/16817330652078662790
—I really want to help Sakura.
But I know that this is not out of good intentions or a sense of justice.
After all, I’m not a hero, or a fantasy hero.
If someone I love is in trouble, I just want to help them.
If they are in pain, I want to give them a helping hand.
At that time, I felt that those words were not something I could ignore.
I knew that if I didn’t move here, I would regret it for the rest of my life, and if I turned my back and walked away, I would never be able to stand side by side with her.
I thought.
I thought and thought and thought and thought and thought.
That’s how I came up with–
[You know what I’m talking about. I’m not the only one……you’re different from everyone else.]
This shooting stimulates a girl named Hiiyo Sakura.
Stimulate her to touch her heart with ad-libs that she didn’t expect.
In truth, it might be better to do it in my personal life. If I do something now, I will cause trouble to those around me, and my own reputation may be damaged.
But that’s not good enough.
If I’m creating Hiiyo Sakura as a role that I want to show to the people around me, it should be a time when Sakura clearly recognizes that she is acting.
What if Sakura finds her own emotions here?
Not by acting. She should be able to grasp the strength and weakness of the acting and the plainness of the feelings, if she is the one whose feelings come up on their own when she is not acting.
It is not enough to just suddenly spring up and be affectionate.
You must clearly recognize the difference and make the boundary between the role and yourself.
That’s why don’t lose—make it an improvisation and shake Sakura’s mind.
(There is only this place…I will start from here)
Because it is before the climax, I can make words that can shake Sakura.
The people around me decide that I can make her feel something, and they don’t stop my performance.
If I don’t stop, I don’t have to let Sakura go.
[Adapting to the complexion of those around you, acting the way the people around you want you to act, appearing to be liked by those around you…..the words that come out of you are all empty.]
Anything…..anything.
It’s all fine as long as it fits into any of the words joy, anger, sorrow, or pleasure.
Be happy, angry, sad, or joyful. If even one of them can be brought out to the surface at this moment —that’s who you are, a girl named Hiiyou Sakura.
[W-why did you say that……?]
Are these Hiiyo Sakura’s words? Or is this the Hiiyo Sakura that everyone wants?
I still can’t tell the difference.
Even though I did an ad-lib, the character of Akane seems to be moving.
[Did I do something?]
[You didn’t do anything. It seems like you’re doing something, but you’re not doing anything, and that makes me angry.]
I don’t want to say this either.
I love Sakura on the outside. It is because I love her that I decided to be reborn and stand side by side with her once again.
But that would leave her suffering.
(I know I’m meddling, and that I’m not qualified or in a position to do anything like this.)
Sakura might not want something like this, and she might get hurt.
But now that I’ve heard it, there’s no way I can just turn my back on it and go back to my normal routine.
……Maybe I like Hiiyo Sakura that everyone around me likes, and maybe I don’t like the real her.
(……I’m a fool.)
No matter what her personality is, Sakura is still Sakura.
[Don’t talk, don’t do anything, don’t try to reach out with hypocrisy—whatever you say will only make you look miserable if you are empty. You and I both.]
That’s why I want to find you.
[If you just want to be liked, go look in the mirror by yourself…..you cowardly egoist.]
Because I want to see your real smile someday.
It doesn’t have to be me standing next to you. If you’re happy with your life from now on…..if you don’t suffer and cry, I’ll become a demon or whatever.
[……]
And then—
[Shut up ! ! !]
An angry voice that didn’t seem to fit either the character Akane or Hiiyo Sakura dominated the space for a moment.
(……!)
I involuntarily gulped inwardly.
I was so surprised that the girl in front of me had tears in her eyes and was staring at me with a reproachful look on her face, biting her lip while holding her trembling fist down.
(I finally found you.)
Do you know how long I’ve been chasing you? As expected, this was definitely different.
I could tell that this face was not as Akane, nor was it as Hiiyo Sakura,.
Ah, this must be…..her, I was made to understand immediately.
But —-
(……You knew that, didn’t you?)
My chest hurts.
I want to hang myself with guilt.
Sakura’s face is deeply etched as if she was stabbed with a knife and gouged out as it were.
If I could cry, I’m sure I would cry right away.
It’s that…..painful.
As I was thinking that, the director’s voice rang out.
“Okay, cut !”
With a whoosh. A string breaks inside me.
“Well then, thank you for your hard work today ! I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when he suddenly threw in an ad-lib, but it fit the scene and created a great atmosphere ! You know what I mean, don’t you !?”
The director, with a look of excitement on his face, asks the people around him for their agreement.
The people around agreed with him, and for a moment, a buzz of excitement spread through the scene.
However, the girl in front of me immediately turned her back and headed for the exit.
“……I-I’m sorry, I’ll excuse myself first.”
—Once this is over, I won’t be shooting with Sakura today.
It ends with that kind of scene, and Sakura has another show scheduled after this.
What needs to be done is done.
I feel like I’m going to be crushed by the guilt that’s rising up inside me, but I feel like I’ve finally seen her as herself.
……It is a good enough accomplishment.
Next time, you can challenge yourself and find a border, Sakura.
Even if it’s not ‘joy’ or ‘happiness’ but ‘anger’ or ‘sorrow’.
But —-
(I have to chase her……)
I have to go pay for what I did.
Even if I know Sakura will hate me.
I followed her as soon as she disappeared behind the door.
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Haha someone is really angy~ XD