Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817330650731416950/episodes/16817330652151060262
“Did something happen recently?”
The filming was about to wrap up.
As we were about to finish filming, Yuzuriha san suddenly started to ask me something like this during a break.
“What do you mean?”
Today was Saturday.
It’s a public holiday and schools are closed. Therefore, we started shooting in the morning and had lunch in between. Ikuta san, who had recently started talking, tilted his head beside me in response to Yuzuriha san’s words.
I have yet to get close to the other two.
I guess it is because they are busy with their own schedules. I have been spending most of my time with these two recently.
This photo shoot…or rather, it’s a big difference from Yuzuriha san, who made all his schedules free just to meet with Sakura.
And now—Sakura is nowhere to be seen because she has another job.
“No, nothing.”
“That’s not true !”
Yuzuriha san put down her chopsticks vigorously and stood up.
“She was different from usual ! Is she angry? No, it’s more like she’s sad…….of course, it’s perfect at the time of shooting, right? As expected of Sakura san ! Like that. But I feel like we’re kind of distant from each other,……especially Misaki san.”
…..You’ve been watching her closely, huh.
It’s true that Sakura’s been a little strange lately.
Of course, it never interferes with my work.
But her normal appearance is a little strange–she has started to show shadows from time to time.
I could tell by Ikuta san’s reaction that some people didn’t notice this.
Neither Aki nor Yamazaki, with whom I often spend time together at school, have noticed, and everyone is treating Sakura as usual.
The only one who noticed was Yuzuriha san. She must really like her.
“It’s just your imagination.”
I know the cause.
Because I know, it doesn’t matter what I say.
“…….You too, you know.”
When I was trying to make a proper dismissal, Yuzuriha san looked at me with a serious look.
“I’m saying you’re acting weird too.”
“Huh? Me?”
“You haven’t noticed?”
Haa. Yuzuriha san let out a sigh and sat back down.
Then, somewhat irritated, she began to eat the supplied lunch again.
“Well, I don’t know about you or Sakura san. Because we met face to face for the first time the other day.”
“…………”
“But since we’re together, I’m watching properly. I have a lot to learn from you.”
Slowly, words of admonition reach my ears.
“Even though I look like this, I’m a girl who gets praised for looking out for people, you know? Being an idol, you have to look at your fans, what they want and what they want you to do,……and you have to observe and respond to those things, so I just naturally turned out that way. Well, thanks to that, I won the popular category in the group.”
So I can understand, she said.
Yuzuriha san looks dissatisfied.
But soon–
“….I wish you could talk to me.”
She began to say that with her cheeks dyed in embarrassment.
Perhaps because Yuzuriha san is so popular among her fans, her expression alone attracted my attention.
“Well, I didn’t notice it, and I don’t know if it’s true or not.”
And on the other hand, Ikuta san smiled kindly at me.
“Even I can help in some way.”
“……..”
“We’re the same age, and we got to perform together like this.”
…….I think you two are kind people.
They are people who have gone out into the world like this at a young age and have gone through a lot of hardships, yet they still have warmth in their hearts.
They are able to worry about others even though we have just recently met each other.
I never had a heart like the two of you before.
(……No, that’s wrong.)
While savoring the feeling of my heavy heart, I smiled at the two of them.
I smiled at them, the same smile I always smiled at them when we first met.
“Thank you.”
—-I have nothing to offer, even now that I’ve tasted adulthood.
♦️♦️♦️
(I never thought Yuzuriha san would be worried about me.)
That night.
I was walking slowly along the dimly lit night street lit by streetlights.
Kanabe san, the manager, told me that he would send me by car, but I politely declined.
…….I was in the mood to be alone for a while.
(Was I that strange……?)
I remember what Yuzuriha san said to me at lunchtime.
I’m sure I didn’t show it on my face. I thought I was just going about my life as usual so as not to be bothered or worried.
In fact, even my sister who was spending time with me did not notice it.
Is Yuzuriha san such a perceptive person, or is it because I’m still inexperienced?
“I’m at loss…….”
When I’m alone like this, something black and heavy hits my chest.
When I was talking to someone, I was distracted. When I was working, I just had to fulfill my role.
It was easiest when I was escaping reality.
But now…..it’s just hard.
Sakura’s face that I saw at that time always crosses my mind.
The face of a girl who was about to cry, who was in pain, who was no longer even trying to mend her situation.
I can’t get it out of my head.
—Even though she made that face.
(……Don’t break)
Things will not get better if I break.
This choice is never going to end.
It’s not up to me to solve this, and I can’t let things get back to where they started by getting back together.
I want to keep going and hope that Sakura finds herself and I can see her happy at a distance.
—What would have happened if I had said something to reassure her at that time?
The “anger” and “sorrow” that Sakura had felt would have faded away.
If I did not make her recognize and maintain these feelings as her own, she would soon forget them.
That’s why I became a demon.
Don’t even think about trying to heal her heart now. As long as Sakura doesn’t suffer, that’s all that matters.
Even if this first love doesn’t come true.
(This is the route I should take in my second life…….)
I wanted to start over, get married, and have a happy ending where everyone is happy.
That’s exactly what I wanted, just like in novels and manga, to reach an opportunistic ending.
But reality is not so sweet…I, a small and pathetic person, could only come up with this choice.
I decided to be a man and pay the price for the path I had chosen.
I’m not the one who should be consoling her.
(It wasn’t me…….)
So let’s go home.
Sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep, sleep, wake up, and keep repeating.
Then someday someone will teach Sakura joy and fun and she’ll be happy. Even I may take a different path.
Yeah, that’s why—
“……Hm?”
When I thought that, the phone in my pocket vibrated,
Who is this? I wondered. I opened the screen and saw [Aizu Kisara] there.
I immediately put the phone to my ear.
“Hello?”
[Ah, hello?]
Through the phone, I hear the voice of a girl I haven’t heard in a long time.
Perhaps because I had a sinking heart, I feel somewhat relieved when I hear her voice.
Is it because she is the first girl I have befriended? Or—
[Hey, Aoi. This is sudden, but…..]
Then, over the phone, she said,
[Can we meet now? It’s been a while, let’s talk.]
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