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After that, I continued my date with Saki.
However, even though we had started dating, it wasn’t like something big had suddenly changed. We only ended up spending an hour or so together, a little closer than usual.
As a matter of fact, Saki had asked me to do more lover-like things with her. Kissing and whatnot. But I was not in the mood for it during the date.
I had to sit in on Misaka san and Takuma’s breakup talk at night.
Since Misaka san and I had become a fake couple, I thought it would be a good idea to be there for the breakup talk.
It was a very awkward situation for me, but it was something I had to do, and I wasn’t in the mood for a fun date with Saki.
Saki seemed unhappy about it, but somehow managed to control her emotions and be considerate of my feelings.
And then.
Just before 8:00 pm. I was walking alongside Misaka san to the station nearest her house, where we were supposed to meet.
“……From now on, it will be me and Misaka san going out together. We both might feel a little uncomfortable at school.”
“I don’t mind. Being a little uncomfortable is my own fault. Besides, as long as Fujisaki kun is here, I’ll be fine.”
“I see…….”
[However, since I’m just a fake girlfriend, Fujisaki kun doesn’t care about me the most. The relationship is just barely connected. However, Fujisaki kun is kind, so I’m sure he will take good care of me in this position. I’ll do my best to make him start to feel more like me, little by little.]
……She may have lost her temper and her personality became scary. I’m starting to feel like maybe I should keep my distance, but that’s not going to happen because she’s got my secret.
“By the way, call me Kanade instead of Misaka-san. I’ll call you Fuyuya too.”
“….Yeah, okay. ……Kanade.”
“Yeah. That’s fine.”
Kanade smiles for a moment, but then returns to her straight face.
[Haa…but I still feel a little nervous about the break up story. At least it’s a relief that I’m not alone… I’m going to hurt Takuma a lot. Sorry……]
Like Kanade, I’m also feeling pretty depressed.
During the day, I was giving Takuma some advice. I also told him to listen carefully to Kanade’s feelings. It’s really cold now.
In the end, I probably hurt Takuma badly by half-heartedly talking to him. At that time, it would have been better to tell him frankly that it was impossible and that he should give up.
I can’t help but let out a deep sigh when I think of the exchange we’re about to have.
“…Don’t look so gloomy. Takuma and I weren’t good from the beginning. Even if Fuyuya wasn’t around, we would have broken up sooner or later. I’m rather thankful that I’ve come to terms with it. I’m sorry I put Fuyuya in a bad role.”
I’m sorry I played a bad role.” “……It can’t be helped now, can it? I’m sure if I had done things like this, things could have ended more peacefully, or I could have gotten away with not hurting Takuma. But I don’t think about that in hindsight. You can’t just make the best decisions on the spot…I also have to apologize to Takuma a lot. That’s the only thing I can do.”
[If I say I’m going to start over with Takuma after all, then maybe things will settle down… Fuyuya also has Saki chan and Misaki sensei. But I have no intention of starting over with Takuma again… Fuyuya shouldn’t have done anything wrong. He’ll shoulder the burden of what I have to shoulder… I’m glad]
When we arrived in front of the station, Takuma was there first and was waiting for us. The station was quite small, and even though it was 8 o’clock at night, there was no one else around, so I noticed him right away.
Takuma’s face contorted when he saw me.
“……Why, Fuyuya?”
“You guessed it.”
“……I don’t know. I can’t guess anything.”
“I see.”
Even if I couldn’t read his mind, I immediately knew that Takuma’s words were a lie.
I look into Takuma’s eyes and say.
“I’m going to tell you clearly. I started dating Kanade. I’ve been trying to get to know her a little bit while she was dating you. Then Kanade gradually fell in love with me and told me she was going to break up with Takuma. I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”
Takuma’s face became even more distorted with grief. Looking at me and Kanade, he clenched his fists…..and then, phew, his whole body relaxed.
“Fuyuya,……. You’re not good at lying, so you should live more honestly.”
“….I’m not lying. We started dating.”
“Does that mean…….it’s true? But, the more you tell someone an important lie, the more you look confidently into their eyes. You may lie in your words, but it’s because you have something important in your heart that makes you that way. This time……it’s for the sake of Kanade, right?
I don’t know how much of it is true and how much of it is a lie,……but in short, I just know that I can’t help it anymore and that Kanade is dumping me.”
At first, the number above Takuma’s head was [47]. Now it has dropped to [28]. I guess that means I’m being a little more distant from him.
In words, he does not feel such great anger or dislike. However, I guess there are a lot of emotions swirling inside.
This is the end of the friendship between me and Takuma. It is really hard to lose one of your dearest friends. For the first time in my life, I experienced the sensation of a big hole in my heart.
A friend’s betrayal and a girlfriend’s change of heart, Takuma seemed to have had his fill of it all and mumbled softly.
“…….I’ve been thinking about a lot of things, but I’ve had enough. Kanade…..no, Misaka san. I’ve always loved you, Misaka san. I was really happy to be with you. But, because of me, I’m sure I’ve caused you many painful experiences. I’m so sorry that I didn’t even notice. Fuyuya is a good guy…I hope you can be happy this time…..]
Tears came to Takuma’s eyes and he entered the station looking dejected. It looks like he’s going to end this goodbye talk and go home already.
“I’m sorry…….”
Kanade squeezed out in a thin voice. Takuma doesn’t react at all, wondering if he can hear it or not.
Takuma was no longer visible, and I grabbed Kanade’s right hand as she snorted.
“…If it wasn’t for me, Takuma wouldn’t have been hurt.”
[It’s strange that I’m crying even though Takuma is the one suffering. I’m a cold-hearted person, and I’ve already started looking ahead. Such a selfish person has no right to cry… Aren’t I actually relieved that Takuma and I parted so easily? Aren’t I relieved? Even so, I don’t understand why I’m crying. Ah…I hate myself now… It’s only natural that Fuyuya won’t choose me…]
I hold Kanade’s hand a little tighter and say.
“…..Maybe it’s not for me to say.
The only thing that hurt him was how it turned out. Takuma must have been really happy to be with Kanade, even if it was only for a short time. I don’t think it’s right to look at the end only and deny everything that has happened…….
Misaki sensei also said. He said that high school romance is also worth experiencing breakups. The time Kanade and Takuma spent together was not a waste.
And…..Kanade may think that maybe she doesn’t deserve to cry or something.
But you know what, Kanade……maybe it’s okay to cry. You certainly has a heart that cares for Takuma, and I don’t think Takuma would want you to deny that.”
“……Do you think so……?”
“I think so.”
I’ve never experienced heartbreak, so it’s not something I can speak highly of. There’s no way I can know the truth about Takuma’s feelings. I have a feeling that I could have done better for Takuma and for Kanade.
This feeling of confusion will probably stay with me for a long time to come. At least until Takuma gets better, I will never be able to enjoy a relationship.
“…….I’m sorry, Takuma.”
Is it my fault or not? I couldn’t think clearly, but anyway, I apologized to Takuma for hurting him.
Takuma himself was not listening to me, so it was really nothing more than self-satisfaction.
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