Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817139558660048790/episodes/16817330655699155748
When I was in junior high school, I was not dark and somber like this.
I would say that I was an honest, cheerful, and good-natured child since elementary school.
But that changed around the middle of the first year of junior high school.
–she’s acting all pretentious and annoying, isn’t she?
A girl in my class was talking bad about me behind my back.
I had no intention at all to do so, and I was simply going about my daily life as I was.
But the girl who was bad-mouthing me was not a girl I was particularly close with.
So, I didn’t really care about that. I just wanted to have a good time with my friend – my best friend who I had been close with since elementary school.
But one day. An incident happened.
A second-year senpai confessed his feelings for me.
I was still in the first year of junior high school at the time, and I had a vague yearning for love, but I didn’t know what it was.
So, I was not sure if I wanted to go out with someone or not, so I apologetically turned down the senior’s confession.
Then it happened. Girls in my class started harassing me. Apparently, it was mainly the girl who had been bad-mouthing me before.
Apparently, they didn’t like my personality from before.
I didn’t realize it, but they thought I was naturally close to boys and seemed to be hanging out with them.
In reality, I was close to my brother, so I just didn’t know how to interact with guys.
I was also told that the way I talked was also annoying.
So, it seems that this girl liked the senior who confessed his feelings to me.
Was it that I refused the confession, or that the senior liked me? No, she probably didn’t like both of those things.
She had a large group of girls, and she targeted me.
They all ignored me, sometimes broke my personal belongings, sometimes threw me away. How could they bully me with so much variation?
I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hard, but I still had one best friend and it was nothing.
But…
-I’m sorry. I can’t be friends with Yuyu anymore.
When she said that, my mind went blank.
It seemed that she was also being harassed by other girls because of me.
So she wanted to stop having anything to do with me. That’s what she said.
I can understand her feelings now, but at the time I really wanted to cry and die.
After that, I hated everything, so I changed my attitude and started to talk less and live my life so that no one would say anything to me.
Still, it became hard for me to go to school in the middle of the day, so I shut myself away at home.
It was during this time that I came across Vtuber
The girls on the other side of the screen were happily singing, dancing, and playing games, and I found myself watching their videos every day. Some of them had been bullied in the past, just like me.
Someone mentioned in an episodic talk that because they were VTubers, they could express themselves in a way that was different from their usual selves.
And I thought to myself. I want to do this too.
I thought, I can live with my personality here.
People in this business may think I’m a loser, but for me, it was a bolt out of the blue.
I was lucky enough to get into a VTuber agency that was recruiting and started my career.
I was more than happy to be able to express myself without holding myself back, and moreover, it seemed to be a good match for my personality, and I was able to become a very popular streamer, if I do say so myself.
At first, I started this job for selfish reasons, but as the number of fans increased and they became more and more happy with my stream, I began to enjoy it.
It was a true calling. That’s what I thought.
My peers and seniors who debuted at the same time were kind to me, and I really loved this job.
Then, after all, I heard from other seniors that it was better to leave high school, so I took the entrance exam to a high school in a strange land where no one knew me without attending school and was able to pass the exam….
By that time, the emotional trauma had eased up a lot.
However, I didn’t want to be bullied like before because of my personality like this, so I decided to dress plainly and live quietly at school.
But in the end, I was still the same as before. …… I ended up being bullied just like before.
Then I started having a hard time remembering the old days.
I tried to cheer myself up again through my stream, but recently, I started getting more and more painful comments and messages, as if such mental disorder had appeared in my stream.
Many fans want me to stream. I know that.
But I’ve come to realize that.
I realized that what the fans wanted was the character Misaki Akari, not me.
After that, I became even more confused.
Which one is the real me?
The one who is being bullied is not the real me.
Then, am I the real me when I am stream? This is different, too.
When I think about it, I don’t know why I go to school or why I stream. …… I’m in a lot of pain.
◆
Mitani-san quietly let out her feelings inside her.
Hearing this, I was miserably unable to say anything.
I could not even offer words of comfort. Half-hearted sympathy hurts the other person. That’s exactly what I thought.
She must have gone through a lot of hardship.
Even though she is a very popular VTuber, she is still a 15-year-old girl. She is being crushed by the expectations and burdens of her many fans.
The root cause of her lack of confidence is probably the bullying in the past and the bullying now.
“Why does Mitani-san feel compelled to talk to me?”
“I wonder why ……. I don’t know why myself.”
“I see. …… Then what do you want to do, Mitani-san?”
“……I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not anymore.”
Hearing that, I made up my mind.
“Okay, then, do whatever you want.”
“……Eh?”
“Just like that. Mitani san, you can live your life the way you want.”
I remember saying something similar to Fujibayashi sometime ago.
I was also tied down by my parents and couldn’t live the life I wanted.
She, too, has lost sight of herself, trapped by past traumas, current worries, and the expectations of her fans.
“S-So….. what do I do?”
“Well, let’s see. then…”
When I suggested this to Mitani san, her eyes widened and she became upset.
“. Then, then, senpai is with me, right?”
“Eh?”
“Of course. I can’t be the only one who can do it.”
“I-I understand.”
In the end, driven by Mitani san’s eyes that looked like they were about to cry, I agreed to what she said.
“Thank you ……!”
Then, for a change, she smiled.
huh….. acting ……?
I decided not to worry about it too much.
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