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Together with me……sleep!? W…..What is she suddenly saying?!
Don’t screw up with me—-I was so frustrated that I felt the blood rush to my head.
“You….What are you saying !? You’re not a child, sleep alone!”
I found myself yelling at her, and leaving the stunned Honami behind as I left the living room. With a bang, I slammed the door shut violently and climbed upstairs, slamming my foot down on the stairs in anger. My heart was burning hot and I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to take off my blazer as soon as possible.
As soon as I entered my room, I took off the blazer and finally took a deep breath.
Still, it didn’t calm me down.
I am so angry. Honami’s insensitivity. The insensitivity of saying to a man, “I want to sleep with you” so casually.
She comes over to my house because she likes my brother, and then tells me to sleep with her until he comes home. ……? That’s just too miserable. What kind of punishment is that?
How much do you think I have to put up with all the time? Just being next to her makes me want to hug her. I’m struggling to suppress that urge. I can’t do that if she sleeps next to me unprotected.
Do you really think that I won’t do anything to you even if we sleep together? That I won’t lay a finger on you? I sigh, and suddenly realize that I’m not a good person.
“No, …… reverse — or is it?”
Honami doesn’t think anything of me. ……? She doesn’t even think of me as a man. That’s why she can say, “I want to sleep with you” Because those words don’t have any deep meaning. ……
The heat that had been bottled up inside my body seemed to escape in a puff of steam. All at once, my strength drained out of me, and I stood there stunned. I felt as if I had become calm, as if I had become nothing, as if I had become a …… shell of a person.
Confirmed.
For Honami, I am no longer a “love interest”. I am just a childhood friend – nothing more, nothing less.
“Is that so…..”
I snickered to myself and slumped down on the spot.
When I found out that Honami likes my brother, I was prepared for a “broken heart” ……It’s tough to say “out of love”
I wish she had at least thought of me as a guy…that’s just too miserable.
I remember …… looking up at the ceiling and vaguely remembering.
A long time ago, when we didn’t even have ‘ulterior motives’ for each other yet. When both Honami and I liked Hanpenman. I remember when Honami’s parents worked overtime and came home late, Honami would finish her dinner and bath at our house and often sleep in the Japanese-style room downstairs with me. I don’t know if it was mine or my brother’s,……, but sometimes Honami would hold the stuffed Hanpenman that was in our house, and sometimes she would look sad and bewildered. Even so, she was adamant, saying, “I’m fine because I have Kouki with me.”
Nostalgia and an irrepressible sense of love welled up in me, and I smiled as if in contemplation.
After all, maybe it means that Honami has always been the same …… as she was back then. Somehow, though, she has lost its cuteness. She started calling my brother “Hiroyuki-san” instead of “Hiroyuki-nii chan,” and she started coming over to our house just for my brother. But her feelings for me haven’t changed since she was a child.
It was me who changed. It’s just that I started to see Honami as a woman on my own. ……
It’s wrong …… to impose that on Honami.
You’re not a child, you should sleep alone – yelling at her in a pompous way. It’s just taking it out on her. I was the child, wasn’t I?
I take a deep breath and slowly get up.
I’ll apologize – I thought.
So, I’ll try to sort out my …… feelings a little bit at a time. I know I won’t be able to blow it off completely right away. At the very least, I should make an effort to change my …… mindset. I am sure that I will hurt Honami again someday, by giving in to my one-sided feelings.
Well, anyway… I don’t think she should say “I want to sleep with you” so carelessly. She’s at that age, after all. And she shouldn’t say it so loudly …….
That’s the only advice I can give you as a man. Before I go back to being just a childhood friend.
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