Episode 40 – I was unloved and my brother was loved

My parents did not love me.
They called it neglect. My parents, who originally wanted a boy to be their heir, were deeply disappointed in my birth.
Even so, they raised me with love in their own way.

Two years later, however, my longed-for younger brother, Yuto, was born.
Since then, Yuto has grown up with all the love of his parents.

In contrast, their treatment of me gradually became worse. Everything from clothes and food to toys differed from my younger brother’s.
When I was old enough to remember, I was always given food that my brother no longer needed or leftovers. They hardly ever bought me clothes, either.

At home, I was always at the end of the hall reading books. This was also given to me because I had no choice but to take tattered things that Yuto no longer needed.
Everything and anything in the house was prepared for Yuto.

I spent my time quietly like a shadow, trying not to be a part of that family.

I was lucky that I was never forced to do anything, but I was treated as a role model for my younger brother, humiliated in front of him for what a helpless person I was.

But Yuto was different.
Yuto was kind to me behind my parents’ backs, treating me as though I were a tumor.

Sometimes he shared his snacks with me, and sometimes he gave me things.
He gave me all the things they did not do for me, and he gave me charity.

Yuto smiled kindly at me.
If Yuto was treated as badly by my parents as I was, I would have to protect him this time.

I swore to myself that I would protect him.

But one day, their secret communication would be exposed.
When my parents found out, they were furious and scolded Yuto.
I tried to protect him and protested to my parents. As a result, my parents violated me for the first time.

As a result, I lost consciousness. My parents suspected domestic violence, but since I had never been violated at all in my life, that one time was not a crime and was treated as an accident.

After the ‘terrible accident’ and the mental shock, I was sent to live with my grandmother.

At that time, I was already sick of everything. I was desperate.
The fact that my own parents had abandoned me. No matter how much they thought I was in the way, I really thought that there was no way they would abandon me.
I was sure that one day my parents would return to the kindness they used to show me. Perhaps I had such faint hopes.
But that day never came.

The first girl who approached me after I transferred to a new school. That was Nanami.

I wanted someone to need me.
It didn’t have to be everyone. If even one person felt that way, then my existence as a …… person would have value, I thought deep in my heart.

And yet I couldn’t be honest.
I was afraid that if I needed someone, someone would be angry with me, or I would lose them, so I kept away from them.
Even so, she kept following me when I rejected her, and she was so persistent about it.
At first it was depressing, but then I realized that she had become someone I loved and cherished.

After that, I decided to live for Nanami.
I don’t know anything else. I don’t need it.
Nanami would get angry if I said that again, so little by little I began to be able to relate to others.

I thought that life would go on like this forever.
I thought I would forget about those people and stay here forever. That’s what I thought.

And then things went the way they are now.

That’s why I was surprised that Yuto came to see me during the Golden Week holidays. Maybe Yuto wanted to get out of that suffocating house.
Somehow I, his older sister, felt that way.
I spent Golden Week thinking that I would be kind to Yuto, who had been kind to me.

Even so, those people might come here on the lookout for Yuto.
It was also true that I had such a fear of seeing my brother again for the first time in a long time.

─ ─ A crack.

I heard something crack. I knew I couldn’t escape from those people.
The feelings that had been submerged deep in my heart came back to me.
I thought I had gotten over those people after a few years, but I was still afraid of them.
I simply tried not to think about them.

I met my mother with such a harried heart.
And it finally cracked.

I don’t remember much after that. It was as if my mother’s words were inputted into my mind like a command, and I found myself back in Mizuhara Town again.
　
◆

＊＊＊
It is raining.

I am standing in the rain, soaking wet.
In my vision, I see a fallen girl and a man in a raincoat.

I can’t move from the spot.

Then, the man in the raincoat turns around.

His face peeking out from the hood was smiling …… a little snugly.

He looked a little young.
A small crying spot on his right eye.

“……──!”

＊＊＊

I smelled the wetness of asphalt.
I look outside and see that it is raining lightly. The gaps in the clouds were occasionally shining and making a rumbling sound.
It looked like it was about to turn into heavy rain.

“Hmmm… ……”
“What is it, Arase? The weather is going to change to heavy rain any moment now. Is it a love affair?”
“No, it’s not. I have a headache.”
“Too much love?”

No, I’m telling you.

I had dozed off in class earlier and had the dream again.
The same dream as before. I dreamt that one of our female students was stabbed. I couldn’t see the face of the girl who was stabbed, but I could see the man’s face.

Was this, after all, a kind of prediction of the future?

I couldn’t help but think so. After what happened to Kurase, it was no wonder that this event happened.

And after that dream, my head really started to hurt. To the point of cracking. Originally, I had been getting headaches often since the day I got this strange constitution. According to the doctor, it was a migraine.
So I’m assuming that this time too, the weather has broken and that’s what’s causing the headache. …… It’s pretty tough.

I’m in so much pain that I don’t think I’ll be able to attend my classes this afternoon.
I should go home and sleep.

It didn’t take me long to come to this conclusion.

“Sosuke. Sorry, I’m leaving early.”
“That much?! You’re very sick. ……”
“Yeah. I have to go home and lie down.”
“Love is wonderful.”

I’m not sure if we’re having a good conversation or not, but ignoring Sosuke, I pick up my bag and get out of my seat.

“Huh. Ito-kun, you’re leaving?”
“Yeah, I’m not feeling well.”
“Are you okay?”
“Well, I think I’ll get better …… after I sleep.”
“That’s okay though….”

Kurase is concerned about me with a somewhat gloomy expression on herface.
She may have been trying to hide it, but She was clearly worried.

The reason for this may be that Asagiri has not contacted her back.

“It will be fine. She will call you soon.”
“Oh,…… yeah,…… that’s right.”

Kurase, having been told what she was thinking, looked a little surprised, and then quickly replied, acting cheerful.

“Well, I’m going home.”

With that, I leave the classroom.

I look up at the sky as I walk out the door.

“Thank goodness it had stopped.”

The sky was still dim, but the rain had stopped. But it’s probably only temporary. It would start raining again any minute.
I’m glad I brought a folding umbrella just in case. I don’t know how far this would go, but it was better than nothing.

I started walking, mindful of the slightly wet ground.

My head still hurt. This one was not getting any better, but rather zinging and getting stronger.

“Ahhh, May Sickness. I’ll definitely take tomorrow off.”

I didn’t say anything to anyone, but walked around the office alone, making up my mind.

“Nn……?”

Then, an unexpected person jumped into my eyes. She, too, was walking somewhere with a gloomy expression on her face.

Normally, I would dismiss such a situation as a hassle to get involved in, but that was not the case. But I couldn’t, because that person was Asagiri, whom Kurase was worried about.

I couldn’t just ignore it either, now that I’d seen it.

“Haa…….”

Scratching my head, I approach Asagiri.

“What are you doing here?”

Her hair was a little wet. I was about to say something like that to her, but she looked at me as if she were dead. I was about to say something like that to her, but she looked at me with dead eyes, so I was at a loss for words.

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