Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818622176550308690/episodes/16818622177580826108
“……………Ah.”
Something that wasn’t even a voice, but more like a sound, escaped from my throat.
At the same time, I finally understood what I had just said to Akito.
“No, that’s not…..I just…”
My heart ached as if it were numb.
But I’m sure Akito feels even more pain.
He stared at me blankly with colorless eyes.
That gaze was so painful.
I couldn’t do anything.
I ran away from Akito’s room.
“………!”
I ran down the stairs and rushed out the front door.
Before I knew it, it had started pouring rain. My favorite clothes were getting soaked.
Stepping through puddles, I ran while repeatedly replaying what had just happened in my mind.
Ah—I’ve done something irreparable.
Without even realizing it, I was crying out.
With nowhere to vent my emotions, I found myself taking it out on Akito.
“Why…..why did I…..?”
…I know. Akito must have had some reason.
There must have been a reason why he was with Suzukita san and why he was enjoying the game.
Because Akito isn’t the kind of person who would tell such a terrible lie. In other words, I was wrong to get angry without listening to Akito’s side of the story.
…That’s right. At that time, I should have talked to Akito.
Why were you with Suzukita san?
Why didn’t you tell me anything? We should have calmed down, looked each other in the eye, and properly communicated our feelings.
But. But I—–.
“Why…why do I act like that in front of Akito…?”
Hate him—I’ve never thought that for even a moment.
When friends ask me about my relationship with Akito, I sometimes say things like that.
But that’s because…I was too embarrassed to speak my true feelings. To hide those emotions, I ended up saying I hated him.
But—I blurted that out in front of Akito.
…..I need to apologize. I know that much.
But the cowardly me can’t possibly go back to him now.
“…I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Akito, Akito…”
The sound of the rain drowns out my voice.
So, of course, no one can hear me.
But then,
I feel someone’s presence behind me…
“—-Akito?”
I turn around, still in the rain.
But Akito isn’t there.
…Of course. There’s no way he would chase after someone like me, his terrible childhood friend.
“…I, I…”
I clench my fist.
I grip the friendship bracelet wrapped around my left wrist tightly.
I look up at the sky. The dark, cloudy sky, with the rain continuing to fall.
“No, I don’t want to…I don’t want Akito to hate me…”
Please…someone, tell me.
What should I do?
“How can I… be honest with myself…..?”
How can I…tell Akito how I really feel?
How can I change this terrible version of myself that always acts tough and says cruel things to him?
Tears streamed down my face, blending with the heavy rain.
No matter how soaked my body became…the numbing sensation lingering around my heart was something I couldn’t forget.
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