Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817139558660048790/episodes/16818093076929136750
I was taken to the infirmary, where I sat on a chair and had my leg checked by Nakamura sensei, a school nurse.
She checks the pain by twisting it lightly around the knee.
It is true that it hurts if I am forced to bend it, but the pain seems to be better than before.
Nakamura-sensei then checks the condition of the knee, frowns and asks me
“When did you hurt this?”
“Just now.”
“No, it’s not…… No, it’s not that old. It has been here for about a year. How did you get hurt?”
“………….”
The doctor’s words make me shut down. And Suika and Okai-san, who were listening behind me, were silent as if they were surprised.
“If you don’t want to say anything, it’s fine.”
“…… It’s not like that. It was an accident, an accident. I was hit by a car.”
“…… Eh?!”
Suika let out a voice of surprise, perhaps in shock.
Okai san didn’t say it out loud either, but she had a confused look on her face.
“Well, …… Ito-kun. That ……, were you all right?”
“Well, there’s nothing to worry about now.”
It was a question that was difficult to answer. In fact, I’ve been in hospital for a few weeks.
And from that day on, I began to understand the future.
In a way, that accident may have been a turning point in my life.
“Arase-kun, could it be ……?”
“…… sensei, can you tape me up?”
“───”
Interrupting Suika’s words, I ask the teacher a question.
The clock on the wall of the infirmary glanced at the clock and saw that only a few minutes had passed. But it’s probably time for half-time by now.
“Arase-kun, are you still going to do it ……?”
Suika worriedly and desperately tries to stop me.
“Yeah, if we keep going like this, we might lose.”
“That’s! No! You were in so much pain just now!”
“I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did before.”
“…………”
Suika looks troubled. I guess she didn’t think I would be this stubborn.
“Why are you pushing yourself so hard? You were so worried when Suika was about to get hurt…”
surely. I tell people all these things, but if I get hurt, I force myself. This is not convincing.
But the situation between Suika back then and me now is completely different.
Suika has a bright future to play basketball. But I already had no future for that. That’s the reason.
Even if I can no longer play basketball in the future, there is nothing to be troubled about. I don’t bet my youth on basketball like Suika does.
“Maybe it’s because of the promise I made to Suika ……?”
“…….”
The promise with Suika.
It is to remind Suika of the joy of basketball. And if I win the championship, to be brave and hit her teammates.
It was a selfish promise I made to encourage Suika’s back. Because of that, Suika seems to think that I’m going to push myself too hard until I’m injured.
“That’s enough. When I saw Arase-kun playing basketball, Suika was really excited. I remembered how much I love basketball and how much fun it is. So …… if you’re forcing yourself for Suika’s sake, stop it!”
For some reason, Suika is about to start crying at any moment.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
Suika don’t make that face for me.
“Because,…… Arase-kun, you think your body doesn’t matter, don’t you?”
“….. No, nothing.”
That’s not true. I wanted to say so, but I couldn’t.
Thinking back, it was the same with Yuri
That time, too, I jumped out without fear in front of the knife that was closing in on Yuri And I injured my hand.
“You said it was an accident earlier, but Arase-kun, the truth is ……”
“……!”
That day, I told Suika about my past.
If you know about such a hopeless past, then you know what I did afterwards.
And I neither confirm nor deny that
“Suika…… doesn’t want you to do that. I don’t want Arase-kun to sacrifice himself …… and get hurt. ……”
Drops dripped from Suika’s eyes.
I was left alive, and while I wanted to live freely, I had the contradictory feeling that it didn’t matter what happened to me.
Now, Suika has realized that.
I then felt a little funny and laughed a little when I realised this.
“…… Arase-kun?”
SHe must have thought it was weird that I suddenly laughed. I open my mouth to respond to Suika.
“Of course it’s for Suika. please don’t get me wrong.”
“…… Eh?”
“I want to do it for myself as well. It seems like I’m remembering the heat I had forgotten about. Fighting with Nakashiro is so much fun. It certainly makes me feel like I’m alive right now.”
“……!”
“Actually, I’m not the kind of person who can say anything bossy to Suika. Still, I want Suika to stand up for herself, and as I’ve been doing a lot of things, I’ve started to think that I want to do my best as well. I don’t want you to see me running away.”
“Arase-kun ……”
This is my true intention. The reason for this was certainly that I wanted to encourage Suika. However, before I knew it, my actions for Suika had switched to actions for himself.
In order to get Suika to remember the fun, I first had to remember the passion that attracted me
And then, seeing me remembering that, I want Suika to have the confidence to sincerely …… enjoy the fun.
It’s true that I thought I didn’t care about myself until now. But it was different. Now I have someone who really cares about me.
It’s because I know that that I still want to do my best, even if I have to push myself.
“So, you know. Watch me. It’s not just about making Suika think it’s fun.
I want Suika, who knows me, to see how I live my life without running away.”
“─ ─ ……”
Suika turns her back on my words and heads towards the entrance of the infirmary.
Did I exaggerate a bit too much?
Maybe Suika is stunned.
“Arase-kun is selfish.”
“……”
“Even though you tell Suika not to push myself because she’ll get hurt, you only push yourself like that. Suika won’t listen to you when you say that.”
“That’s ……”
‘That day, you made me skip morning practice, and even when I said I couldn’t do it, you tried to force me to believe you.”
“Sorry”
“So, Suika, I won’t do it anymore. I don’t care if you get seriously injured.”
I don’t know what Suika looks like now, with her back turned. Still, …….
“I’m going back to the gym first. It’s probably half-time for the girls too, so I have to shoot a bit.”
“Ah, Suika! Ito-kun, I’m going ahead of you. It’s time for the women’s team to go back to the gym for halftime! See you!”
Suika left the infirmary without hearing my reply.
Okai san also ran after her.
“It smells like a romantic comedy.”
“Is that popular……?”
Nakamura-sensei was left standing next to me and said that, so I wrapped the tape and went back to the gymnasium.
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