Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817330665217759411/episodes/16817330665795531693
“……Oh, I’m frustrated.”
I’m annoyed by everything.
“Kitagawa Mari-san, come forward.”
The Japanese teacher, Busujima, called my name. In the classroom where all my classmates were watching, I got up from my seat, glaring at Busujima, and walked over to the teacher’s table. Out of the corner of my eye, I stole a glimpse of my orange twintails in the windowpane.
“……………………”
Busujima spoke to the rest of the classmates as I came up next.
“Listen up, everyone. Kitagawa-san here has forgotten her homework again today. This is the third time, the third time. As the saying goes, “Even the face of the Buddha can be seen three times,” and as gentle as I am, I cannot overlook a mistake of this magnitude.”
Then Busujima turned her eyes toward me. It was the …… damp, creepy look that I hate.
“Is it okay? Kitagawa san. If you are a member of society, it is not acceptable to fail to submit the minimum required documents within the deadline. This is a problem before manners. You have far too little common sense.”
“……………………”
“If you were my subordinate, I would fire you immediately. Society is not kind enough to pay salaries to people without common sense. We don’t need people like that in our society.”
“……………………”
I clutched the hem of my skirt tightly.
“Ara? Will you cry again? Kitagawa san. Understand that the very idea of being forgiven because you cried is pathetic. I’m saying this for your sake. Please take it to heart and reflect on it.”
“……………………”
“Now, Kitagawa-san. Apologize to your dear classmates. I had to scold you because you forgot to do your homework, and it took up two minutes of an important class. For that, you should apologize to your classmates.”
“……………………”
I turned my body toward my classmates, my teeth chattering in my closed mouth.
Their reactions were varied. Some are depressed with a bitter look on their face, others are frowning in frustration and saying, “Hurry up and finish it,” and still others are just going ahead with their homework for another subject with an indifferent face.
But despite the variety of reactions, there was one thing they all had in common. That was that none of them …… looked at me.
“……I’m sorry I forgot to do my homework.”
I said sorry in a quiet voice, and Busujima interrupted from next to me, saying, “No, it’s not like that.”
“[I am sorry that I forgot to do my homework and took up your time]. I told you earlier, didn’t I? I told you to apologize for taking up my time. Have you forgotten that already? Not even that.”
“……………………”
“And you can’t even say, ‘I’m sorry’ (sumimasen). The correct Japanese is to say, ‘I’m sorry’ (Moushiwake gozaimasen). Speak properly and accurately. Is that clear?”
“……………………”
“It’s absolutely shocking …… that you don’t even reply. Come on, come on. I don’t have any more time for you.”
“……………………”
Big tears overflowed from my eyes. It slides down my cheek and onto my chin.
“…I-I’m sorry for forgetting my homework and taking up your time…”
“Louder. You can’t reach the back of the classroom with a voice like a mosquito’s.”
“I’m sorry I forgot to do my …… homework, and I’m sorry I took up so much of your time. ……!”
“Don’t chop up the words. You should say it in a clear and crisp manner so that it flows more smoothly. If you really want to apologize, it should be easy enough to get through.”
“I’m sorry I forgot to …… do my homework and took up your time. ……!”
“Get your chest out and your posture right! Are you really a high school student at all……? How have you lived all this time if you can’t even pass one of those manners?”
“……………………”
“Come on, quick! One more time!”
“Shut up! Shut up, you old bitch!”
I had finally lost my patience and was finally shouting out of my mouth.
Both Busujima and my classmates looked at me with a shocked look on their faces.
……………………”
I couldn’t hold back my excitement, so I kicked the teaching table in front of me as hard as I could.
The table made a violent noise! And the table fell over with a loud thud. Some of my classmates were like, “What?!” and “Kyaaa! “and scream
Then, I turned my back on Busujima and my classmates, opened the classroom door, and walked out.
“Kitagawa-san! Where are you going! Come back!”
I ran away, ignoring Busujima’s words that came from behind my back.
My vision was blurry and I couldn’t see my feet at all, so I almost fell over, but I didn’t stop running.
“Haaa…Ha……”
Out of breath, I stumbled to the back of the stairs leading from the first floor to the second floor. It was always dark and no one came here. So, whenever something happens, I always come here.
“….Uuuu…ugh….!”
Then I sat in the usual triangular position again, weeping through clenched teeth.
Inside my clenched fist, my nails were digging into the palm of my hand, and it ached bitterly.
“Ugh! Ugh……!”
Frustrating …… frustrating …… frustrating ……!
That old bitch ……! Disgusting!
I can’t put it into words well, but …… something about her is disgusting! She’s a hypocrite!
“Haa……! Damn it, damn ……!”
I bit my lower lip and squeezed my eyes shut.
At the bottom of the dark staircase, I gripped my shoulders and gritted my teeth.
————————————-
“…Yes, yes. Yes, now home. Yes, yes …… again? Yes, I understand. Yes, I’ll make sure to remind her. Yes, I am always sorry. Yes, …… excuse me.”
I could faintly hear Mom’s voice in the hallway coming through to my room.
I wrap myself in the futon and meditate to shut it out.
“Mari…….”
I open the door to my room without permission and my mom comes into my room.
“I see you’ve been sneaking out of class again.”
“……………………”
“I heard you called the teacher a bitch.”
“……, she’s not my teacher.”
“Mari.”
“Anyone who does that to me is not a teacher.”
“Mari, you’ve had enough!”
“……………………”
“You know why she was angry with you, don’t you?”
“……………………”
“Do your homework! Because you didn’t do it right! How many times do I have to tell you?!”
Mom’s angry voice echoed through the room.
“You should have turned in your homework! The teacher doesn’t say anything! This is what happens when you don’t do your homework!”
“……………………”
“How can you say that you don’t approve of teachers? You think you can talk like that?”
“…………I understand”
“……………………”
“I know what you’re talking about.”
“……. Come on, Mari. Get out.”
Mother’s voice suddenly lowered. Then, she tried to forcefully pull off the futon that I was wrapped in.
“Mari, get out. Get out right now.”
“No”
“Mari, do you want to get hit?”
“No. …… Stop it!”
“Mari! What are you really thinking!”
Pa——nnn!
I was slapped on the right cheek by my mom.
“Every single time! You keep bothering me and teacher! What do you want?!”
“……………………”
“Every time, every time! You’re always causing problems! Why can’t you just be normal? You can’t even give a single piece of homework!”
“I did …….”
“What?”
“The homework, I did”
“……Eeh ? Then why don’t you turn it in? If you did it, why didn’t you turn it in?”
“But I spilled water on it while I was doing it, so it got …… all wet.”
“……? Eh? So what?”
“No, I couldn’t get it out because it was soaking wet.”
“…What are you talking about? There’s really something wrong with me. If it’s all wet, you can get it from the teacher again.”
“……………………”
“What is this obsession with …… that I don’t understand?”
“……………………”
“I’m tired of it. Do what you want”
With that, Mom left the room.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in the first grade of junior high school.
ADHD…… official name is Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. It is one of the so-called developmental disabilities.
I was distractible and restless. I was unable to control my intense emotions and let them come out as they were. Conversely, I am unable to understand my own emotions and says the exact opposite of what I am thinking, or fails to convey my meaning to others due to a lack of words.
Because of this, since I was a child, I often had tantrums and fought with others. Because of this, I was shunned by my classmates and teachers.
When I was little, they dismissed it as “just being a kid,” but it didn’t go away even after I reached junior high school, and my parents finally became concerned, and I was referred to a psychiatrist.
It turned out that I had a developmental disability.
“……………………”
I clutched the futon tightly and buried my face in it.
(Frustrating …… frustrating ……!)
My lips tremble and tears blur.
(Busujima! And my classmates! And to my mom! And to myself, who can’t even get one of my …… homework assignments done!)
I was so pissed off and frustrated with everything that all I could do was tremble and cry.
———————————-
……The next day I limped to school.
I really wanted to take the day off, but my mom wouldn’t let me.
Nothing was going right anymore and I was getting more and more frustrated. I’m always on edge, and I can’t get any rest.
“……………………”
“Kitagawa-san,…… you really don’t have any common sense.”
And then, to make matters worse,…… I was caught by Busujima in the hallway during my lunch break.
Nagging and nagging and nitpicking again.
People passing by in the hallway glanced at me, but did nothing more, especially.
“It’s insane of you to leave class and skip school. Don’t call yourself a high school student anymore. You should go back to elementary school.”
“……………………”
“Besides, I really can’t believe that you said that …… to me. It’s the worst kind of abuse you can say to a human being.”
Oh …… mou, no. I’m about to cry again.
I have always been the type of person who cries when I get emotional. Especially when I’m angry, I cry easily, and every time I’m angry, I always cry at the same time.
(How refreshing it would be if I could crush this old hag’s eyeballs!)
In my mind, I killed this woman many times. I have committed every atrocity I can think of on this old hag. If I didn’t do that, my mind would be out of balance.
“I’ve already put you on the list of candidates for retention. If your grades and class attitude are at an all-time low, you deserve it. Shame on you.”
“……………………”
……About 10 minutes after I got angry. Finally, I was in a situation where my anger was about to boil over again.
My fists were shaking so badly that I almost punched this old hag, and my teeth were grinding in my closed mouth.
“Um, Busujima-sensei.”
……That’s when it happened.
A male student was standing behind the island.
The moment I saw his face…I immediately knew who it was. It was a member of the counseling club.
His right arm was bandaged where I had bitten him.
Busujima looked down at the man and asked, “What is it? I’m in the middle of something”
“No, the vice principal was looking for Busujima-sensei earlier, so I called you over.”
“The vice principal?”
“He said it was urgent.”
“……………………”
Busujima glanced at me, immediately turned her head away and left me.
The man from the counseling department watched Busujima’s back as she moved away, put his hands on his hips, and muttered a few words, “Well, that’s a lie”.
“…… what? Was that a lie?”
When I asked him that, he turned his head toward me.
“I couldn’t help but notice that she was being very negative about you,”
“……,Hmph you think you’re helping me now? Stop being a hypocrite.”
“No, I’m not trying to help you. I just don’t like the person.”
“……………………”
“Busujima sensei always says things like ‘for your sake,’ and I find that really creepy. I can’t listen to that. It all sounds so fake.”
“…………!”
“Well, I’m going home. Bye”
The man then turned his back to me.
“Hey.”
I called out to him and stopped him.
The man’s back was facing forward, but his face was tilted back a little. He asked, “What is it?”
“…………………….”
“……? What? What’s wrong?”
“…… you’re sick of Busujima, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Why ……?”
“Eh?”
“Why do you think that?”
“No. Nothing. Just what I just told you.”
“…………………….”
“She’s just drunk on her own words. She thinks she’s doing a good deed. In your terms, she’s a hypocrite.”
“……………………”
“Deep down, these people are insecure. That’s why they are so desperate to be respectable. See, militant vegans, feminists, that kind of thing, right? They push their own good intentions and try to be respectable even if it means putting others down.”
“……………………”
“There is always a contradiction in the words of a hypocrite. The other day, Busujima-sensei said to someone who forgot to do homework, ‘I spent important class time scolding you. Apologize to the class.’ If she really wanted to spare class time, she would have even spared the time to make that person apologize. At the end of the class, make a separate time to pay attention to that person ……. That would be much more reasonable.”
“……………………”
“There’s a discrepancy between what you say and what you do. That is the general pattern of hypocrites.”
……I was honestly surprised. I was surprised to find that what I was vaguely thinking about was put into words exactly as it was.
Somehow, “Busujima is a hypocrite! ‘, but I couldn’t really explain why I thought that way. That’s why when this guy spoke to me, it felt like my clouded heart became brighter..
Kinkonkinkon
At that moment, the chime to end the lunch break rang.
“Are you done? I’m going back”
“……………………”
When I didn’t answer, the man smiled and said
“If you …… still want to continue, you can come to the counseling department after school.”
“…………………….”
With that, he left.
I just watched his back in silence.
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TFTC!
Bro is collecting mentally unstable women left and right like it was nothing.
As someone with ADHD, I can relate to her a lot. It hurts to see that she doesn’t get the support she needs for her troubles and is instead getting put down by those around her because she’s acting differently than what’s considered “normal”. Really hope she feels better after talking to MC.