Episode 4 – want to know more

“……, you know, I posted a dance video on Tic Tac the other day…”

“Eh? Wow, you’re so good!”

During the 10-minute break between classes, the chatter among classmates is lively. Amidst the chatter of my classmates, I lay face down on my desk and pretended to be asleep.

I used to run to the bathroom because I couldn’t stand the buzzing, but if I went outside the classroom, I had to open and close the door when I came back. When they would hear a “rattling” sound at that time, my classmates would ask, “Is the teacher coming?” and I would attract a lot of attention.

Therefore, it is better to stay in my seat and not leave the classroom.

(…… Nakahara-kun)

When I close my eyes, his face appears in the darkness.

I want to go to the counseling department as soon as possible today. That is the only place where I can feel at ease.

“Wow! what is that, lame!”

“Shut up! It’s none of your business, right?”

The bustle of my classmates’ voices only made my sense of loneliness grow deeper.

Praying for the time to pass quickly, I just shut my mouth like a shellfish and lived with my breath held tight.

“…. yeah, I didn’t think it was going to be animated either~”

The long-awaited, after-school counseling club. As usual, I was engrossed in chatting with Nakahara-kun.

“Ian of Illusion is very interesting, but he wasn’t very well known in the …… world. I didn’t think it had much hope either.”

“Well, I’m really glad that it was made into an anime. Thanks to that, I feel like the number of people who know about the work has increased.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Oh, by the way, Nishida-san, are you a book reader or a magazine reader? Or do you prefer magazines?”

“I prefer to read books. I like to read them all at once, and I like to have only the works I like at home.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Nakahara-kun, are you a magazine reader?”

“Yes, I guess so. I’m the type of person who wants to read the rest of the book right away. I’m the type of person who wants to read the rest of the story right away, so I buy magazines because I’m looking for that kind of encounter.”

“I see. It certainly makes for quick reading.”

“Yes, yes.”

We sit across a small table and talk face to face.

We both eat a few bites of chocolate from a plate in the middle of the table.

What a relaxing time. Just being able to talk to someone is enough, but is it really that relaxing? I even feel that way.

(…..How is it? Will it work? In this time, ……Lime’s story ……)

I know Nakahara-kun wouldn’t reject me, but …… I’m still scared. If he laughs at me and says “Lime is a bit ……”, I might not be able to recover.

(Or maybe I should ask him if he has a …… girlfriend? But then again, that would be too abrupt or too …… sudden, wouldn’t it make him feel uncomfortable ……?)

As I was at a loss to say anything, Nakahara-kun said to me, “Oh, yes, Nishida-san,” and brought up the topic.

“Do you know a manga called ‘Kaze no Naka no Rebirt’?”

“Kaze no…..?”

“Kaze no Naka no Rebirth, it’s a web manga, right?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“This is the one that Ian of Illusion used to draw when he was an amateur.”

“Hee!? Really”

“It was posted on a private site, so not many people know about it.”

“That’s great. I’d like to read it.”

“Oh, I’ll show you the site.”

“Eh?”

“I found the site yesterday, and I’ll send you the URL.”

Nakahara-kun took out his smartphone from his pocket and began to operate it with his right hand.

“Let’s see, Nishida-san’s Lime is …….”

“…………………….”

“Huh? Didn’t I exchange Lime with Nishida-san yet?”

“Eh? Oh, ……, was it?”

“I see. I’m sorry, can I exchange with you if you okay with it?”

“Y- yes. I’m fine.”

……I know I appear to be saying this in a nonchalant manner, but I was nervous inside.

I never expected him to tell me that he wanted to exchange it. What’s more, we’re so close to that he think we’ve already exchanged things…that’s what he think.

“……………………”

“Okay, the exchange is complete. I’ll send you the URL.”

“……………………”

“……? Nishida san, what’s wrong?

“Eh?”

“Why are you smiling so much? Are you watching something interesting on SNS?”

“N, no. Umm……, I’m looking forward to the manga, the manga that Nakahara-kun told me about.”

“Ah I see. I’m glad to hear that.”

He smiled broadly as he said that.

————————————

On my way back to …… home, I have about 30 minutes to ride the bus.

During that time, I read a manga on my phone that Nakahara-kun had given me. The content was interesting, of course, but the special feeling that Nakahara-kun had given me made me feel even more elated.

“Next stop, Jingumae – Jingumae…”

When I got to the station where I usually get off, I walked quickly from the bus stop to my house, feeling annoyed that the manga was interrupted in the middle of the ride.

“I’m back.”

As soon as I got home, I immediately retreated to my room and started reading again from the middle of the book I had read until the bus ride.

The manga was 45 episodes long, and it took me less than two hours to finish it all.

“……Oh, thank goodness.”

I couldn’t help but let out a sigh to myself when I finished reading it.

The hero, Rivers, and the heroine, Natasha, were in quite a bit of danger on their adventure, and I really didn’t know if they would ever be able to get together.

But at the very end, about two episodes before the last one, they finally got together ……. The tension was so high that one or both of them could have died, so I couldn’t help but mutter “Thank God” at the end when they came to a grand conclusion.

“……………………”

I gazed at the ceiling in a daze, soaking up the afterglow after reading the book.

(Oh, that’s right. I have to give Lime…… to Nakahara-kun.)

Yes, now that he’s told me, I can tell him I’ve finished reading and we can have a …… chat.

I pick up my phone and launch the Lime app. Go to Nakahara-kun’s talk screen, then type in …… and send it.

[Thanks for telling me about the manga. It was interesting.]

“…………………..”

But after I sent this sentence, I was somewhat bothered …….

(Isn’t it too cute?…… Doesn’t it give a bland or cold impression?)

I decided to cancel sending this statement. But I had never used this Lime before, so I didn’t know how to cancel the transmission. So I went online and searched for “Lime Unsend” or “Lime Message Delete” and managed to undo the message I had sent.

(T-Thank goodness …… was so close.)

I use Lime almost only with my family. I don’t have any friends, and there is almost no one with whom I can keep in touch. If I do get the occasional notification, it’s from some official account.

When I was dating senpai, I didn’t have a smartphone to begin with, so …… today is the first time I’ve had this experience of racking my brains to think of a sentence.

(Well, let’s send it again. What do I think it should be ……?)

I went online again and searched for ways to make a good impression.

(Hmmm…if you want to make it cute, use emojis and emoticons. ……? Hmmm)

Then I wrote down a bunch of ideas in my notepad app.

[Thank you for letting me know about the manga, it was interesting (^_^)]

(…..It’s still a little weird. I want to express “thank you” more like this ……. I might add a more cheerful emoticon or a surprise mark.)

[Thank you for teaching me about manga! It was interesting!(ﾟ∀ﾟ 三 ﾟ∀ﾟ)]

(…… I feel better, but I wonder if it’s okay. I wonder if I’m too high-strung ……? A little more …… calm ……

[Thank you for letting me know about the manga! It was interesting .+:｡∩(・ω・)∩ﾟ.+:｡]

(………… wait a minute, what should I do …… I’m getting lost ……)

My eyes were dry from looking at my phone too much, so I squeezed them shut and rubbed them with the back of my hand.

Pirorin

At that moment, a notification sounded from my phone.

It was Lime from Nakahara-kun.

“Nakahara-kun ……!”?

I hurriedly opened the talk screen to see what kind of content it was.

[Nishida san, Are you okay? What’s wrong)

(Oh …… I see, I had erased the message I sent earlier, so Nakahara-kun can’t see the contents.)

I immediately replied, ‘Sorry, I erased it because there was a typo’.

[Thanks for telling me about the manga. It was interesting.]

[Good! I thought Nishida-san would probably like it, but I’m relieved that you liked it.]

[Yes, thank you.]

[No no~]

The conversation was ended here …….

(I-if its like this…I-I want to talk more

But I don’t know how to expand the conversation. I groaned and groaned as I searched for something to talk about.

(What should I do ……? Maybe I could introduce some manga as a thank-you ……? And what if Nakahara-kun doesn’t like it ……)

I can talk easily in person, but it doesn’t work with Lime.

…… No, when I think about it, it was Nakahara-kun who was always the one who talked about the topic. I think I only responded to them and never asked Nakahara-kun any questions …….

(Well,…… I want to talk,…… but I don’t want to say anything strange either. Frankly, …… something, something to talk about……)

“…………………….”

I took a moment to put what I was thinking right now into a sentence.

[I don’t have any friends at all, so I don’t really know how to handle Lime or anything. I’m sorry if you think I’m not very good at it.]

….However, I didn’t feel like it was a good idea to send this message.

(I don’t know how to reply to such a letter, it just makes Nakahara-kun feel uncomfortable. …… I thought I should delete it……).

And when I was about to delete the message, I accidentally sent it by mistake.

“Wha! Oh no!”

I immediately tried to delete the message, but unfortunately, …… had already read the message.

(W-What should I do? …… Oh, I should apologize. I’m sorry for sending you such a strange message……).

While I was panicking, I received a reply from Nakahara-kun.

[Sorry, wait a minute]

“………………?”

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. His intention was not clear to me.

(…… something, does it mean he’ll reply again later?F-or now, I think I’ll wait as he told me to ……)

I decided to watch my favorite video or anime in my phone to wait for his reply.

Normally, I would be engrossed in watching those videos and anime, but today, I couldn’t get into my head for some reason.

In the corner of my mind, I was always waiting for Nakahara-kun to reply to my Lime message, and every five minutes or so, I would open the talk screen to see if he had sent me a message.

(…… is it almost time?)

( maybe soon?)

(…… maybe coming soon?)

So I kept waiting with my phone while watching anime, going to the bathroom, eating dinner, and even going to the bathroom.

When I was eating, my mother would say to me, “Chihiro, don’t use your phone.”

When I went to the bathroom, I brought my phone in a clear zipper to keep it dry, and stared at the talk screen.

“…………………….”

As time passed, my heartbeat grew louder and louder.

(Or maybe he’s getting sick of …… me? Or have he forgotten about me?)

I was so anxious that …… I realized that it was already 10:30 at night. I changed into my pajamas and sat on my bed in my room.

(What should I do ……, I might not be able to …… stand it anymore)

[I’m sorry, are you sick of me?]

I asked him like that. But the message was never read.

[I’m sorry if I did something bad to you.]

But no read on that one either.

“……………………”

The scene of senpai’s betrayal flashed back into my mind.

[You’re seriously boring. Don’t ever come in front of me again.]

“N-no …… please, I don’t want to go through that again ……. I don’t want Nakahara-kun to hate me. Please, please, please,…….”

I was finally getting so anxious that my heart was about to burst, when I received a call on my …… phone.

It was from Nakahara-kun.

“Nakahara-kun……!”

I immediately answered and called his name.

[Nishida-san! I’m sorry I’m really late…..! I had some trouble.]

“T-Trouble ……?”

[I got a call that my aunt who lives with me had an accident …… and I went to the hospital right away.]

“Accident ……? A-Are you okay?”

[Fortunately, the injuries were not serious. I was visiting my aunt, so I wasn’t able to reply for a while. really sorry]

“No, don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I made you call at such a difficult time …….”

[It’s okay, it’s okay. I should have told you in advance.]

Nakahara kun’s gentle voice made me feel more and more at ease.

[Um…Nishida san]

“Yes, what is it?”

[Thank you for caring about Lime.]

“Eh?”

[Look, you sent me a message saying you were sorry if you wer bad at it. I thought you were just trying to make sure I didn’t feel bad.]

“……, um, yeah. I haven’t done much with Lime or …… people. So …… I didn’t want …… if I was doing anything bad.”

[I see, thanks. Of course, I didn’t feel bad at all.]

“I-I’m glad ……”

[Personally, I don’t think you need to worry about it too much because you might get tired from being too careful, but honestly, it’s difficult even if you’re told not to be careful. Especially if you haven’t Lime with many people.]

“…… Yeah, thanks. Thank you for understanding.”

Talking with Nakahara san always makes me feel warm inside. I feel that my feelings are valued.

“……Why are you so kind, Nakahara-kun?”

[…..?]

“I’ve never seen someone as kind as …… Nakahara-kun. There are people who say, ‘Don’t worry about it,’ when they talk, but I’ve never had someone like Nakahara-kun say, ‘It’s hard to be told not to worry about it,’ and understand my feelings that much.”

[No, no, no, you are exaggerating. I just want to do to others what I wanted to be done to me, and I try not to do to others what I feel I don’t want to do to myself. You know, ‘Don’t do unto others what you would not have done unto you’.]

“……………………”

[Oops, it’s almost eleven o’clock. I’m sorry it’s so late.]

“No, I’m sorry too.”

[I’ll see you tomorrow and tell me what you think of kaze no naka no rebirth and so on.]

“Yeah.”

[Bye.]

“Yeah, bye.”

…… and the call ended.

“Haa….”

I rolled over and lay down on my bed, put my phone on my chest, and breathed a sigh of relief.

(Thank God…… Nakahara-kun, you didn’t hate me……)

Talking with Nakahara-kun, I feel like I am being cheered up. I can really feel that he is affirming me.

[I just want to do to others what I wanted to be done to me, and I try not to do to others what I think I didn’t like.”

(……I don’t do to people what I think I didn’t like. That is certainly true,…… but I think there are many people who cannot do that. That’s why I think Nakahara-kun is a kind person. ……)

─ I just did what I wanted to be done to me ……

At that time, I felt a certain discomfort in what he said.

(“What I wanted to be done to me.” …… Why is that in the past tense? …?

Thinking back on it, when I first met him, I asked him about his motivation for starting the counseling club, and he responded in this way.

[When I was consulting with a friend ……, or rather a classmate, she told me that I was suited to be a counselor, and I took it to heart and started this club…. That’s how I started this club…]

[Well, I’ve had my fair share of bad times,…… So, I may be able to sympathize with other people’s suffering a little more easily.]

(Bad things ……. Nakahara-kun, do you have any bad memories …… trauma?)

If so,…… I would like to say something that would cheer Nakahara-kun up, too.

(……I want to talk with Nakahara-kun more. I want to know more about Nakahara-kun. I want to …… be with him more and more.)

With these thoughts in mind, I held the phone on my chest tightly with both hands.

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