“No…..it’s not like that……Senpai……”
After Senpai walked out of the classroom, I took my afternoon class with an empty head and went home alone and sadly.
After wetting my pillow extensively, I muttered to myself as if in remorse.
The situation has now become irreversible.
He loves her unconditionally just because she’s his sister.
I know it’s not romantic love.
But I really envy and resent her for being loved in any way.
I thought that Senpai would finally see me after he broke up.
“I’m fine because I have Hikari.”
Senpai’s voice is echoing in my head.
If only Hikari chan wasn’t here.
I was accumulating more and more bad feelings toward her.
As an outlet for these feelings, I decided to tease her and instigated my friends to do so.
Yasuko chan, in particular, who had taken on the role of executor, did not seem to think well of Hikari chan, who had always been loved by everyone, so she took a proactive role.
Thus, we began to torment Hikari chan.
I could see and feel that the teasing was becoming more and more severe from the middle of the session.
But I couldn’t stop her, since I had initiated it. Or rather, I won’t.
She grew weaker with each passing day.
Everyone in the class told themselves, [That was not bullying. It was teasing] and they tried not to get involved.
I think that Yasuko chan was also trying to draw a line between bullying and teasing.
Today, though, it was bullying no matter how you look at it.
Anyway, Hikari chan, who used to be so cheerful, was now down on her face with teary eyes.
Every time I saw her, I felt a tingle down my back again and again.
I wondered if the Senpai would come to the classroom.
Would Hikari chan talk to Senpai about it?
Of course, it crossed my mind.
But I had reached a point where I couldn’t stop now.
……If I apologized now, I might still be able to get Senpai to forgive me.
Using the phone function of the message app, I called Senpai.
…..No answer. No answer. No answer.
After a while, the call screen was forced to end,
The screen shows no response.
I’ve been blocked.
I might as well die.
I wonder if Senpai will be sad when I die.
I wonder if he would cry for me, the ugly person who bullies out of jealousy.
If he cries for me.
Dying is not so bad.
“Hikari, let’s have a little chat.”
I came home and sat Hikari down on a chair in the living room.
I sit across from Hikari and face her.
I ask her straightforwardly.
“How long have you been bullied?”
“..About a week ago.”
I knew it was about the same time Hikari started to look down.
“What did they do to you?”
“At first it was light stuff, like hiding textbooks. But it got more and more extreme…..and once, while I was cleaning the bathroom, they accidentally doused me with water.”
I felt like I wanted to kill them.
I really can’t forgive them.
“Why didn’t you talk to me about it?”
This is what I want to hear the most.
After a few moments of silence, Hikari finally opened her mouth.
“Because…..because…..I’ve been saved by Onii chan…..so many times before…..and…..I can’t solve this problem……on my own anymore……”
Hikari spoke, repeatedly breaking off her words as if squeezing them out of her chest.
I see, Hikari was also trying hard to be independent from me.
I spoke back to Hikari gently, as if to comfort her.
“….Hikari. You don’t have to solve this problem alone. Human beings cannot live alone. We live by supporting each other. Relying on me is not an escape. Rather, don’t run away from relying on me.”
This may be a bit of a rhetorical question, I felt, even as I said it.
But that’s what I’m trying to tell you.
“……But it doesn’t mean I can depend on Onii chan for the rest of my life…”
“No. You can depend on me for the rest of your life. It would be more beneficial for you to do so. I’ll come running from anywhere for Hikari’s sake. …Also, I think that as you rely on me over and over again like that, before you know it, you will be able to handle more and more things on your own.”
I don’t know if this idea is right or not.
But just as a child grows up relying on their parents and one day becomes independent. I want to support Hikari until she no longer needs me.
“From now on, no matter how old you are, if you feel that alone is too much of a burden, please rely on me. I will be your older brother for the rest of your life.”
After a short silence,
She started crying again.
……Today, my chest is only for Hikari.
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