Volume 3 Episode 37 – “I’m already broken” Distorted love and my mother’s request

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https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818093093152263860/episodes/16818792436243269615

The next day, I visited the cafe in front of the station.

As I opened the door, the bell chimed, announcing a customer’s arrival.

“Ryo-kun, over here.”

Seated toward the back of the shop was Toka’s father. And then—.

“……”

She was different from my mother, different from Kagurazaka’s mother.

A woman with a dignified presence sat there. I couldn’t tell her exact age, but she was very beautiful… and she radiated an almost frighteningly cold aura.

“Long time no see.”

And—she really did resemble Toka.

Feeling almost overwhelmed by her presence, I slowly sat down across from her and her father. At her father’s request, Toka was staying home today. I’d also been asked to keep today’s meeting with her mother a secret.

“Kuga… Ryo-kun, right?”

Her voice was quiet, not carrying the intensity from when we last met, as she addressed me.

“Yes.”

“Did Toka get that UR smile?”

Without emotion, just in a matter-of-fact tone, the mother asked me that.

“…Not yet. But Toka always smiles happily beside me.”

“I see.”

Father ordered coffee for me. An indescribable, awkward silence hung between us.

“Um, I’ve been wanting to have a proper talk with you, Mom…”

“A talk?”

“Why did you do that? If you take her belongings from the house, Toka won’t be able to live anymore.”

“…”

Silence. Toka’s father looked troubled as he watched her mother.

Her indecisive attitude made me feel increasingly angry.

“Why did you try to take Toka away without permission back then?! Why did you leave Toka alone?! Why…?”

Seeing my family… and now Kaede Kagurazaka’s family too, it made me think. Normally… isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?

“Why did you tell Toka she was a ‘failure’!? More than anyone else…! Because you said that, Toka got so depressed!”

No matter what the world says, isn’t family supposed to be your biggest supporter?! What was Toka supposed to do after being abandoned by her own family?

“I came here today because I wanted to talk to you.”

Toka’s mother stared intently at me. Eyes just as beautiful as Toka’s—but somehow, they seemed to hold a shadow.

“Before that, please just answer my question properly!”

Before I knew it, I’d raised my voice.

“Ryo-kun.”

“…!”

Her father’s reprimand snapped me back to reality.

What the hell! I didn’t say anything weird, did I?!

“…Because I’m already broken.”

“Huh?”

“‘Failed to raise’ wasn’t something I said to that child. It was meant as words to blame myself.”

“…”

“Besides, isn’t ‘failed to raise’ a phrase meant to blame the one doing the raising? It seems Toka didn’t see it that way…”

My mind went completely blank. So what the hell? Are you saying there was a misunderstanding?

“Then why did you try to take Toka away silently back then?!”

“It was necessary to protect Toka.”

“How selfish…”

“A lot of letters were arriving at Toka’s apartment, weren’t they?! We couldn’t just leave that girl out there with her living place exposed to the world! But she was attached to that apartment where she lived with you. So we had no choice…”

“Then why did you go and clear out Toka’s belongings without permission!? You didn’t have to go that far!”

“I thought if I went that far, Toka would have no choice but to rely on us! Though it ended up being a completely different kind of reliance than I’d imagined…”

Mom’s tone was getting stronger, mirroring mine. I didn’t get it. I couldn’t figure out what this person was trying to do at all.

“But just getting along with Kagurazaka Kaede isn’t something I can forgive.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because it was Kagurazaka Kaede who stole that job from her! If that girl hadn’t appeared, Toka would still be sailing smoothly through her entertainment career! I never imagined that upstart, that girl who’s just copying Toka, would get so much work! If only that girl hadn’t shown up, none of this would have happened!”

“…So you’re saying you tried to make Kagurazaka Kaede go viral?”

“I just agreed with public opinion! That Asahina Toka was better than Kagurazaka Kaede! Maybe my wording got a bit extreme…”

What the hell is that… What the hell is that supposed to mean?

It’s definitely not a commendable way to do things. It’s definitely unforgivable.

But…

But…!

Like her dad said, Toka’s mom does love her, right…?

I just couldn’t figure out what else to say to Toka’s mom anymore.

“I came today because I have a favor to ask of you, Kuga Ryo.”

“What is it?”

“I want you to keep protecting that child from now on.”

“That… I don’t need you to tell me that!”

“It’s different.”

The father beside her was gripping her hand tightly. An even heavier atmosphere filled the room than before.

“Her real father wants to make contact. He wants to see her now that her upbringing is succeeding.”

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