Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/1177354054894733613/episodes/1177354054895659358
What the hell am I doing?
It’s like I knew it was a minefield, but I went in there and blew myself up.
I should have known. Honami came to my house for one reason and one reason only. She’s a high spirited, selfish, and completely unattractive person, but the reason why she goes to my house so earnestly, even with sleepy eyelids, is because there is someone she wants to see. He wants to see my brother …… Hiroyuki.
I felt a horrible rumbling in my gut.
I was so frustrated and angry, I didn’t know what it was against, I was even furious.
“Ah I see” I couldn’t help but spit it out and stood up.
“Okay, I’m going to my room.”
If I stayed by her side, I was afraid she would say something unnecessary and self-destruct again. I quickly tried to get away from Honami, as if I was trying to escape.
“Eh….why”
I thought I heard such a voice so faintly that I thought I was hearing voices in my head, and I felt a tug on my sleeve.
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to see Honami sitting on the sofa, grabbing the sleeve of my blazer.
The expression on her face as she looked up at me was unusually anxious. Her clear eyes seemed to be shifting uneasily like the surface of the water. I involuntarily flinched.
Don’t go – and for a moment, I thought she was going to tell me that.
Of course, there was no way she would say such a thing. I decided to quickly discard any unnecessary expectations.
“What is it?”
When I asked her curtly, Honami let out a weak “eh ……” and quickly removed her hand from my sleeve. She swept her gaze, hesitated for a moment, and then said
“Don’t you watch TV ……?”
“Ha?”
“TV! You said you had TV program you wanted to watch!”
“Ah….”
I just let a dumb voice slip out.
Come to think of it, …… I told that lie on the spur of the moment.
I respond vaguely, “No. ……,” and I turn away, scratching my head. “It’s fine already”
“W….Why? Watch it. You’ve been holding back for a long time, haven’t you? What did you want to see?”
I wondered if she felt guilty about sleeping in someone else’s house.
When I glanced at her, she looked flustered and reached for the low table in front of the sofa and picked up the remote control that was on it.
She said something like, “This time of day is ……,” then checked the clock on top of the TV, “[Sorayuke, Hanpenman]?”
“Why!?”
I had to be sharply tapped out.
“How old do you think I am! I mean, it’s not in the evening anymore!”
“Eh …… is that so?”
Honami turns around and stares at the TV with the remote control pointed at it.
A sigh escapes his lips.
I haven’t heard “Sorayuke, Hanpenman” …… in a long time.
It is a children’s program …… in which a hero, who is an incarnation of Hanpen, fights off evil and saves the world while distributing Hanpens to people. It used to air in the evening time, and I used to watch it with Honami when she came home from school.
I felt nostalgic, but at the same time, I was disappointed.
How many years have passed since then?
Even “Hampenman” has moved on to a new broadcast slot. What about us? We’re still in high school, fussing about the airtime of “Hanpenman,” and nothing has changed from when we were kids. We just remain childhood friends and spend time together leisurely. ……
–No, wrong
Maybe it’s just …… pretending that we haven’t changed.
We are both just hiding behind the guise of innocence. We’re both just hiding our ulterior motives, which we didn’t have back then.
I’m not satisfied with just being with Honami anymore. When I’m next to her, I want to hold her slender and soft body, and I even imagine something more than that. And Honami is probably beside me, thinking about my …… brother.
“I had no idea.”
Saying this in a daze, Honami stared at the TV, which was showing nothing. She slumped to her knees, the remote control clutched in her hand.
“I don’t know when they changed …….”
The words that Honami spilled out in a sad tone of voice pierced my heart.
I was chuckling as I muttered to myself, “Really–“
It was the question I wanted to ask the most and the question I wanted to ask the least. When did things change? When did you start coming to our house not for me, but for my brother?
That’s stupid.
That’s not running into a minefield. It’s just seppuku.
“Forget it, go back to bed. My brother won’t be back for a while.”
You know, the kind of thing that makes you give up ……. I said such things softly in a voice that was surprisingly spikeless to me, as the power drained from my body and voice.
“See you”
Just as I was about to turn around and walk away again.
I thought I was having a déjà vu.
“Wait…!”
She tugged at my sleeve and stopped me with a sharp voice.
“How can you sleep that quickly?!”
What kind of poking and prodding is that!
“I don’t care!” I don’t give a thing! “I don’t need you telling me what to do!”
“What the hell is that? You woke me up, so …… take responsibility and put me to bed!”
“Wha—–!?”
I was about to say something back, and involuntarily, I was at a loss for words.
Why….why….?
Did I mishear ……? Take responsibility …… what? Hey ……,[put me to bed]!?
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