Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/822139836586390776/episodes/822139842580450514
Their words echo inside my head.
Mei-chan says to look behind the scenes and judge for yourself.
Risa says I don’t have to believe her, but please don’t erase her.
Their words left me speechless for a while.
Deep inside my chest, something stirs.
…Something felt off.
Something was different from that time.
Back then, I didn’t start doubting while I was still receiving her affection.
I believed, accepted her feelings, and only broke down after seeing the hidden side.
That’s why I learned.
If I don’t believe, I won’t break.
If I don’t get involved, I’ll be safe.
But now it’s different.
Mei-chan has been saying it from the start.
“There’s a hidden side.”
Risa has been scared from the beginning.
“I might be doubted.”
At this point, I haven’t been betrayed yet.
I haven’t seen that look in her eyes yet.
And yet, I’m trying to deny the present based solely on the possibility of future betrayal… I’ve realized that fact.
Back then, I knew nothing.
I believed without doubt.
That’s why… I broke.
But I’m different now.
I know people might have ulterior motives.
I know affection isn’t always safe.
Even so, the two people in front of me are offering me a choice.
To dismiss it with the word “coincidence”… that isn’t protecting them.
It’s just putting it off.
A dull ache spreads deep within my chest.
The fear hasn’t faded at all.
But it’s different from that sudden terror back then.
This is… the fear of being asked whether I will stand, knowing full well.
Through their words, I realized.
The difference between then and now.
Back then, I chose nothing. I simply believed.
But now is different.
I am making the choice not to choose, myself.
So if things break down from here…
It won’t be because I was “deceived.”
It will be the result of me standing my ground, knowing full well.
…Even so.
Even so, the two of them stand before me.
Without running away. Without hiding their true selves. Prepared to be rejected.
My throat tightens just a little.
“……”
I still haven’t found an answer.
But.
If I were to say again, like Hayato did, that “it was all just coincidence”… that would be far more cowardly than I was back then.
I take a breath.
“I’m still not strong enough to believe all of your kindness.”
I raise a hand to stop Mei as she starts to speak.
“But…”
I search for words.
“I just realized. Until now, I’ve been denying the reality already happening, using the excuse of a future where I might be betrayed. But that was just killing the relationship while pretending to protect it.”
I lower my gaze, then raises it again.
“So, I’ll say this much. I won’t say it was coincidence that you two came to like me.”
My voice wavers slightly.
“I don’t think there was a replacement either… just—”
I clenche my fist.
“I still don’t know how to respond. But I won’t run away from standing here knowing that anymore. If I ever want to run, I won’t just push it into ‘coincidence’ in silence—I’ll say it properly.”
A slight pause.
“And… if you still say you want to be together then—”
I don’t avert my gaze, continuing.
“I won’t treat this relationship like an accident. It can be twisted.
It can be clumsy. But at least I won’t pretend it never happened.”
After finishing,
I felt the deepest part of my chest quietly trembling.
This isn’t the right answer.
But—
For the first time,
I felt like I was standing somewhere that wasn’t an escape route.
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