Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818622172789075625/episodes/16818792436398500072
With the help of various people, test preparation came to an end, and before I knew it, the days had flown by.
Without a moment to catch my breath, the midterm exams were upon us.
Looking back, I really didn’t have any time to rest.
This month, there was also the school festival, so I was so busy with events that my head was spinning.
The second semester is long, so I can’t help but feel resentful that the schedule couldn’t be adjusted a little better.
However, I guess there’s never really a time when you have free time in student life.
Perhaps that’s the fate of an academic high school.
Due to such scheduling issues, it seems that many students have been slacking off on their test preparation this time around.
There were a lot of students who were still goofing off right up until the test, and as they put it, there’s no need to pour all your effort into a single regular exam.
Apparently, there’s also a newcomer’s tournament for club activities, so most students are taking a laid-back approach, thinking that as long as they don’t fail, it’s fine.
That said, that’s that.
I’m in a somewhat irregular situation, so this test holds one of the most significant values in my life.
Failing is out of the question.
There’s no other option but to achieve my best performance and end on a high note.
This exam consists of 10 subjects spread over three days.
The schedule is set for mornings only on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, with four subjects today, Wednesday.
Specifically, we first-year students had a rather heavy lineup of Math A, History, Modern Japanese, and English Expression from the morning.
So, at 9:30 AM now,
I’m already working on the Math A test questions…
This is bad.
What should I do?
Sweating nervously, I was restlessly glancing at the test questions, which was unlike me.
“…….”
I thought it was lucky that the first subject of the day was my strongest subject, but it turned out to be a trap.
Since I had been focusing on English and other subjects for this test, I honestly didn’t have much time to prepare for math.
That’s why I lost my confidence.
I’m feeling anxious for the first time in a while, and I’m even shaking.
Since I didn’t prepare as thoroughly as I used to, I’m even doubting my own approach to the difficult problems.
Is this really the right way to solve it?
If I’m wrong, how many points will I lose?
If I fail here, what will my average score be?
Depending on that, I might end up losing to Takagi.
As I calculate the partial points, my hands keep shaking.
I even feel like my stomach is starting to hurt.
Come to think of it, I’ve been feeling off since this morning, and maybe eating a bit too much last night due to stress was a bad idea.
Yesterday, I was so nervous that I couldn’t live my usual life.
However, there are only 12 minutes left in the test, so if I go to the bathroom now, I’ll definitely lose the chance to review.
But this is bad.
If I mess up, it’ll be just as bad as losing my recommendation spot!
So before that, I at least want to confirm the scoring and have some reassurance.
So let’s check the scoring first.
…Alright, let’s do that.
After I feel reassured, I’ll give up on the test and go to the bathroom…
No, wait !
Don’t calculate the partial points at a time like this !
I look at the clock again and shake my head.
There are still more than 10 minutes left.
It’s the same as usual.
Calm down and review carefully.
The stomachache is just in my head.
If I think about it calmly, it doesn’t seem like such a crisis after all.
Besides, if I get a perfect score here, I’ll be one step closer to getting into medical school.
…So don’t think about that.
I’m amazed at how narrow my perspective has become.
I seem to be overthinking things.
I’m caught in a typical panic spiral, and I can’t help but smile at how silly I am.
I’m an idiot.
Calm down.
“Phew.”
I take a deep breath and steady myself.
First, I need to change my way of thinking.
To quell my anxiety, I decided to organize my concerns.
In doing so, I recalled a conversation from a few days ago.
It wasn’t something I should be doing during the test, but I indulged in reminiscence for the moment.
[Huh, a recommendation for medical school, huh? Tsukushi, you always work so hard.]
[You’re reacting so casually, but this is a big deal.]
[I understand that much. Your mother knows that and is evaluating your efforts, right?]
[Really?]
It was just a short while ago.
I had the opportunity to talk to my mother about the recommendation on her way home from work.
But when I actually spoke to her, her reaction was more casual than I expected, leaving me a bit confused.
So I explained in detail how unusual this situation was, but my mother just smiled wryly, seeming annoyed.
I felt a bit upset, thinking, “I’ve worked so hard considering the family situation…”
However, I soon learned the reason behind my mother’s attitude and was left speechless.
[But didn’t you say you wanted to go to that school?”]
[Well, that’s…]
[Hmm.]
At that moment, the school that came to mind was Kaiho University.
Until this conversation came up, my top choice had been the special admission program at Kaio University, and to be honest, if there were no restrictions, I would have applied there.
But there were family circumstances I couldn’t ignore.
Academic issues and the probability of admission were completely different between general and recommended admissions.
Due to various factors, I had unconsciously suppressed my feelings of “wanting to go” or “wanting to try.”
I had prioritized options with lower environmental difficulty that were more likely to bring me closer to my ultimate goal of becoming a doctor, rather than my own feelings.
That was easily seen through, and it made things awkward.
[You don’t need to overthink it.]
[But I can’t just…]
[Sigh… You’re still so narrow-minded. Just prioritize what you want to do, and then act on it. You can think about what comes after that later.]
[Is that okay? But will it really work out that way?]
[Haha, I don’t know. If it’s not working, I’ll tell you before it’s too late.]
[…You’re too carefree.]
My mother is a strong person.
She raised me alone for eight years.
She has a strong mentality and isn’t the type to overthink things.
Rather, she’s the kind of person who lives in the moment with full passion.
But her words were the most helpful thing for me at that moment.
As I recalled that, my anxiety gradually faded away.
The remaining time had dwindled to five minutes, but my mind felt clear.
I think I’ll be okay now.
The answer sheet seemed a little clearer to me.
I couldn’t help but laugh at myself for this innovative act of blowing away distracting thoughts with more distracting thoughts.
I regained my composure and looked over the problem I had struggled with the most once more, then nodded.
I still didn’t have confidence, but this answer was the best I could come up with at the moment.
If I got it wrong, there was nothing I could do about it.
I could use it as fuel for the next time.
Reflecting on my feelings helped me organize my thoughts, and I started to feel a little happier.
After all, it’s only for now.
Among the many school events, the only times I can really immerse myself and enjoy myself are during tests and when the results are announced.
It’s the only time I can shine and feel satisfied.
—And it’s the only time I can be the star.
The excitement I felt when I came in first in the previous proficiency test is still fresh in my memory.
This is the test I’ve been waiting for since the cultural festival.
Let’s enjoy the moment.
As I smiled, I happened to make eye contact with my homeroom teacher, who was supervising the exam.
He looked extremely worried and turned away with a creepy expression.
What a cold reaction.
All this time, I’ve been so troubled by the recommendation he brought up.
Anyway, I managed to overcome the tension without being overwhelmed by it.
As I heard the bell signaling the end of the exam, I clenched my fist.
Let’s push through to the final schedule.
–
–
If you enjoy our content, feel free to donate, Thank you in advance !