Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817330665217759411/episodes/16817330666732525524
On a Sunday….. I promised to go see “that person” for the first time in a while.
It was November 1st. This was the day I met that person for the first time. So today is exactly two years ago.
“…………This is the place.”
I ended up at the Child Guidance Center where I used to stay for a while. It’s been about a year since I’ve been here …….
I went to the window and asked, “Excuse me, is Watanabe Akira there?” I asked.
The teller said, “Okay. Please wait a moment in your seat,” and walked to the back of the office.
I sat on the bench in front of the window and waited for the person while looking at my phone.
The phone showed a calendar with the upcoming schedule of the counseling department.
(Let’s see, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow each have a client and …… Wednesday is free. Okay, maybe I should have a meeting with all the members of the department on that day.)
While I was thinking about all of this, I was tapped on the shoulder from behind.
I suddenly turned my head in that direction and saw a man …… Watanabe Akira, an employee of the Child Guidance Center, standing there.
“Nakahara-kun! Long time no see!”
He said and smiled smugly.
“Long time no see, Akira-san.”
“What’s up today? You need something from me?”
“No, I just wanted to …… have a little chat.”
“Oh! Oh, right, right! Well, why don’t we go out like we usually do, since we’re not here? I’ll buy you a juice.”
“No, don’t ……”
“It’s okay, it’s okay! Come on! Let’s go!”
And so, Akira san took me outside. We both went to the parking lot at the back entrance of the child guidance center, where there were no cars, and Akira san bought me a juice from a vending machine near the parking lot.
“Nakahara-kun, you liked Coke, didn’t you?”
“Yes, you remember that well.”
“Yes, of course I remember. Here, have a Coke.”
“Thank you.”
“I think I’ll have a Coke, too.”
So we leaned against the wall of the building and opened the Coke.
“Whoa!”
Then Akira san’s Coke was spewing out of the plastic bottle like crazy. The Coke overflowed and fell to the ground.
“Aaaaaaaaah! Hiee! what a mess~!”
(TL/N : Nanchukottaa..)
“Akira-san, did you shake the plastic bottle?”
“No, I didn’t shake it at all. …… What? Nakahara-kun’s bottle is fine?”
“Yes.”
“Damn! I wonder if Cola hates me~!”
My mouth kind of loosens up when I see Akira-san, who pulls out a handkerchief from his pants pocket and says, “Ah …… my cola ……” and is really shying away from it.
I’m a little relieved to see that his drollness hasn’t changed at all from before.
(……I used to talk with Akira-san in the parking lot at the back entrance of the building.)
It feels like a long time ago, even though not much time has passed. I feel as if a long time has passed, even though not so many years have passed.
“No, no…but still, Nakahara-kun…… looks very well.”
Suddenly, Akira san looked at me and said something like that. I asked, “Really?” Akira-san laughed and replied, “Yes”
“What can I say, you became calm. The atmosphere is better.”
“……”
“I’m glad you’re happier than you were before.”
“……………………”
I turned my gaze away from Akira san and took a gulp of my Coke. The strong carbonation hit the back of my throat and made my throat ache.
“How do you like it? Nakahara-kun. How is life with Mrs. and Mr. Shirakawa?”
Mr. and Mrs. Shirakawa…… that was the uncle and aunt who were now providing for me.
It was also this Akira san who arranged for me to live with them.
“…… Sometimes I think about it. I wonder if it’s okay for me to be there. I wonder if it’s okay for me to be there.”
“……………………”
“I’ve gone from a life where my father and mother beat me up every day to being brought into such a warm home,……. I feel like I’m on the other side of the TV.”
“The other side of TV?”
“In the past I used to yearn for the warm homes shown in movies and dramas. I thought that maybe the day would come when I would be able to live like this …… with my real parents. But when the day actually comes, it’s a puzzling thing.”
“……………………”
“And unlike movies and dramas, reality is ironic. The people who beat me to death are my real parents, and the uncle who are kind to me are people who have no blood …… ties to me.”
“……Yes, reality is often ironic. You cry at the unreasonableness that comes suddenly, and then you cry again at the kindness that comes unexpectedly. There are many such things.”
Akira-san put his mouth slightly on the plastic bottle of cola and put the lid on it. On the ring finger of his right hand, which held the cola, was a ring.
“I see you got married …….”
“Eh? Oh, yes, yes. Just a few days ago, I finally got married.”
Smiling shyly but …… truly happy, Akira-san looked at the ring on his finger.
“Congratulations,……, Akira-san.”
“Yeah, thank you.”
“I envy you, really.”
“Envy?”
“Yeah. I don’t have …… a girlfriend or anything like that yet.”
“Yeah? But you don’t have a girl you like at school?”
“…Well, I don’t really understand it yet. Or rather, I don’t really understand love itself.”
“Love itself?”
“Yes. I’ve never had that kind of experience before.”
“Are you interested……?”
“……Yes. I’ve recently become interested in …… that kind of thing.”
“I see. There’s no need to rush. You never know when or where love will occur. Unexpectedly, it often happens very close to home.”
“……………………”
“Fufu, Nakahara-kun.”
“Yes?”
“[Even if I was liked, would I be able to accept it?] Don’t you think so?”
“!”
My face involuntarily tightened as I was told of the insecurity I had been harboring in my heart.
“Nakahara-kun, when was it that you told me? [the only way to communicate with people was to fight.]”
“……Yes.”
“You have always been fighting with your parents. Since your opponent was an adult, I could never compete with physical strength, so you always tried to win with words. Every day, you desperately armed yourself with theories in order to win over opponent in an argument. Isn’t that so? ”
“……………………”
“You are very observant and extremely talkative, perhaps because of that. But it wasn’t a mouth to express your feelings, it was a mouth to fight others.”
“……………………”
“So you used to see everything around you as an enemy. Especially when you first came here, you had such sharp and terrible eyes that you looked like you could bite anyone.”
“……Sorry, Akira san and the others are …… inconvenienced.”
“No, no, no, it’s fine. You don’t have to worry about anything.”
Akira-san smiled and gently patted my curled up back.
“Nakahara-kun, I think your next step is about to begin, don’t you?”
“The next step?”
“You’ve come here and learned that the people around you aren’t all enemies. I think the next step for you is to accept the love of others. So I’m sure you’re starting to get interested in love.”
“……………………”
I gulped down all of my Coke and held the empty plastic bottle loosely in both hands.
“I’m in a thing called the …… counseling club.”
“Counseling club?”
“Yes. I’m currently the director of a club that I created to listen to people with problems,…….”
“Oh! That’s amazing! Wow! Counseling club! I think it’s a great fit for you.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“As I said, you are observant and well-spoken. And most importantly, you’ve suffered terribly.”
“……………………”
“A person who has known and faced true suffering can be as strong and …… gentle as ever. I am sure that you will be able to use words that can truly relate to the person you are counseling and make them feel better.”
“……………………”
“……? What’s wrong?”
“No, it’s that ……. Actually, three girls joined our club the other day.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“They all came to the counseling club as clients, and now they are members.”
“Houhou”
“As a matter of fact, it was when they joined the club that I became somewhat …… conscious of love lives.”
“About love?”
“Yes. I know that everyone has their own worries and sufferings, and I can kind of guess that everyone thinks of me favorably.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Me too…I like everyone…or rather, what is it?Hmm…I don’t know if I like them romantically or not, but I just want everyone to be happy. Everyone has their own kind and cute side, and they’re all really nice people. I can’t forgive for them being subjected to such unreasonable things.”
“I see. ……”
“But …… that, I feel like it’s not fair to wish for everyone’s happiness. ……”
“Eeh? Why?”
“Because it’s kind of …… unfair, isn’t it?”
“Unfair?”
“It’s weird that there are three people I have feelings for, isn’t it? It’s rude to the three people I’m in love with, too… Well, I wonder if they all have romantic feelings for me. I don’t know, but apart from that, I just don’t think it’s good for me to have those three people in mind.”
“Hmmm, I guess so. ……”
Akira-san chuckled and crossed his arms.
“Well, but Nakahara-kun still doesn’t know if it’s a romantic favor or not, does he?”
“Yes.”
“Then, for the time being, I think it’s okay to follow your feelings of wanting them to be happy.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. Because you are not lying about your feelings, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then that’s fine. I mean what I say, and I won’t lie about it.”
“……………………”
“Okay? Nakahara-kun. If you want to help people and make them happy, don’t hesitate.”
“Don’t hesitate. ……”
“Yeah, Not even for a moment.”
“……………………”
“Maybe you will fail, maybe that person will not like you. I know how it feels to be afraid that you might make a mistake and hurt that person. However, if you are lost there, you will not be able to do anything. It is much more painful to think later that you should have done it after all.”
“……………………”
“And even if you do it wrong and that person hates you, you can still be proud of yourself. I did the best I could and they hated it. I did everything I could to make them happy. Then I have no regrets.”
Akira san’s eyes were kind but serious, and they had the strength to penetrate straight into my heart.
“Regret is always born when you don’t give it your all. If you give it your all and think of the other person, then you are no longer afraid of what the other person thinks of you.”
“Give it your all ……”
“Fufufu, Nakahara-kun will be fine. You have the strength to struggle desperately and try to survive even in harsh environments. I hope you can share that strength with others. I’m sure the people around you will feel better because of you.”
“……………………”
“And …… Nakahara-kun. You can be happy, too.”
“!”
“If you want to make others happy, you must first wish for your own happiness. If you don’t know what happiness is, you can’t teach happiness to others, can you?”
“……………………”
“Don’t worry, you can do it. I believe that with all my heart.”
……I realized that I had been talking with Akira san for two hours. As expected, Akira-san had a meeting about to start and he had to go back to work.
“Thank you very much for your time today, Akira-san. I’m sorry for suddenly barging in on you while you were working.:
“No problem, I’ll take the day off in the middle of the day, no need to worry about anything.”
“But…I feel a bit uneasy about not giving anything back.”
“Well, I see.”
Akira-san seemed to be thinking for a while, then said, ‘Ah, that’s right,’ and smiled at me.
“Next time, buy me a coke. I couldn’t drink at all today.”
I smiled and replied, “Okay.”
And with Akira san seeing me off, I left the place.
I looked up at the clear blue sky of …… and understood why I had come to see Akira san.
[You can be happy, too.]
This …… only one word. It’s simple, short, and easy to say. ……
I’m sure that’s what I wanted to hear.
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