Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051596567318343/episodes/2912051596734977058
(Hanazawa Yuna)
As soon as I got home, I sat down in front of my computer monitor.
On my desk, my smartphone displayed his tweet announcing the upcoming livestream.
“Hehe, hehehe.”
In the upcoming stream, he’ll probably be happily talking about how he’s made a new friend.
I couldn’t stop smiling, so I cupped my cheeks with both hands.
“It went so well~”
Today, I’d been biding my time the whole time.
Waiting for an opportunity to help Ibusuki-kun enjoy school life.
Once I’d resolved to do anything for him, the first thing that came to mind was helping him make friends. Seeing how moved he was by interacting with people yesterday, I realized he wanted friends, and I knew this was the only way.
I acted on impulse and invited him to eat with my friends during lunch break.
I actively kept the conversation going and did my best to help him get along with everyone.
As a result, even after I left the table, I was told that they had talked a lot.
In other words, I succeeded in helping him make friends.
I’m happy that he has friends now. But I feel a bit conflicted.
I want to be with him 24/7 and free him from loneliness. I want to be the one by his side. If possible, I wanted to be the one to take on that role.
My chest tightens with a feeling akin to possessiveness.
It’s painful. But this is for the best.
Becoming his only friend wouldn’t be a fundamental solution to freeing him from loneliness. On top of that, it’s not right for me to be standing right next to him.
I Flower san. I want to apologize for everything that’s happened.
That’s the same reason I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
It’s awful that I’m his only viewer. I don’t want to ruin his rare moment of joy, so I can’t say it…
I can’t possibly spoil his carefree expression as he leaves the classroom or his smile during the livestream.
A person who calls the man who saved my father’s life a “loner” as a derogatory term.
A person who sacrificed a fun life, yet without even knowing she was saved, revels in the life she wanted to live.
I absolutely cannot take away his greatest joy—the fact that such a person is the sole viewer of his stream.
My stomach churns with disgust, making me retch.
Still, it wasn’t as bad as yesterday.
Today, I made a friend for him.
Is he happy about it? Has he found hope in school life?
I don’t think I’ll be forgiven for this.
But just imagining him happy makes me feel inexplicably giddy and elated, and a warm, sweet sensation settles in my chest.
Just as I clutched my chest because my pounding heart hurt, a notification came in.
“It’s here!!”
As soon as the stream started, I shamelessly typed out a comment.
“I’m here again today!!”
“Thank you so much for coming! I’m so happy!”
Just hearing that voice made my cheeks flush red as if they’d been scorched by hot iron.
And his face was beaming… I couldn’t stop my hands from typing comments.
“Oh, you look so happy! Did something happen today!?”
“You mean, what happened today?”
“It sounds like it! Tell me! Tell me! Did you make a new friend or something!?”
I was completely reckless, even trying to lead him on.
I just couldn’t help myself—I wanted to see him happy.
“Alright! If you want it that badly, I’ll tell you all about it!”
Here it comes!
I smooth down my pounding chest, take a deep breath, and try to calm down.
I’m already like this even before I’ve heard it. What will happen when I hear it from him? It’s too scary.
“Actually, something sad happened today.”
Eh…?
My giddy mood cooled instantly, and the blood drained from my face.
I still don’t know.
“It’s a strange twist of fate, but a girl in my class asked me out to lunch.”
Oh. This is about me…
“Did you think, ‘What, are you bragging?’ No, that’s not it. The girl who asked me out is the complete opposite of me—she’s this sparkling, bubbly type. It’s bound to look suspicious, isn’t it?”
He was suspicious of me…
“Plus, she was being extra polite—which was even more suspicious—so I was on edge, wondering, ‘What’s her game?’ I was worried she was going to try to sell me some overpriced vase or something.”
So, that’s what he thought…
“Of course, I planned to turn her down… but alas. When a popular girl asks me out, I just can’t say no, so I went along with it without a second thought.”
……B-but, he should have made a friend. The sad part should end here.
“I was all on edge wondering what she was going to do, but it turned out to be just a normal meal with her and her friends. I was totally let down. Phew, thank goodness, just a normal meal… A normal meal? How am I even supposed to handle a normal meal?”
The cold sweat won’t stop.
“I’d been a loner for so long that it was just too hard for me. When they started talking about trying Starbucks’ new drink, it was all too dazzling for me to keep up, and I couldn’t come up with anything witty to say. So the girl who invited me tried to be considerate and kept the conversation going, but I was such a total introvert that I ended up acting like an interpreter. I could only talk through her, and it made me sad to realize, ‘Oh, so introverts need an interpreter to talk to extroverts.’”
……I was completely spinning my wheels.
And judging by the way he was talking, this wasn’t the punchline. It was still going on.
“Just as I was feeling really bad for ruining what should have been a nice lunch, the girl who’d been keeping the conversation going stood up. Then, all of her friends turned to look at me at once and asked, ‘Did you do something to her?’”
My chest tightened.
“Well, yeah, I get it. They didn’t know why she’d gone out of her way to invite me, or why I was trying so hard to keep the conversation going. I understood why they’d suspect I’d put her under some kind of spell.”
My breathing quickens.
“But I explained that I hadn’t done anything, and they eventually understood. Apparently, someone had told them that the girl who invited me hadn’t been sleeping well and was acting weird, so they decided to go along with her story.”
Believing that, I… got all giddy like an idiot.
“So, since they seemed to be trying to get us to get along, I pretended to be friends with her friends, and everything went smoothly. But for that brief moment of pretending, I was so happy it felt like I’d made a friend—and I have to say, even I think that’s just too sad.”
What I did was nothing but meddling.
In fact, I only made him sad.
A dark sense of regret settled in my chest, and tears welled up.
“You’re holding a grudge against that girl, aren’t you…”
When I posted that comment, he shook his head frantically.
“No, no, no. Everyone acts weird sometimes. Plus, I’m not very good at explaining things, so it didn’t come across right, but I wasn’t trying to complain—it was just self-deprecating humor. I can’t speak up right away if I have a complaint, but I wouldn’t say something like that behind the scenes during a stream.”
He simply bowed his head toward the monitor, apologizing profusely.
“Besides, that girl is probably a good person. I gradually realized she didn’t mean any harm; I was just sad because I’m such a loner.”
Being comforted only made my guilt grow.
Maybe I shouldn’t get involved with him anymore.
Maybe I’m covered in quills like a hedgehog.
But that—just that—I couldn’t stand… so I tapped away at the keyboard.
“I see. By the way, is there anything you want?”
I jumped the gun, trying to give him something without really thinking it through.
That’s why I failed.
So, I want one more chance—just one more.
This time, I’ll definitely, without a doubt, give him exactly what he wants.
“Something I want, is that it?”
“Yeah, just tell me anything.”
It’s a lie to say “anything.” I can’t do something like becoming his only friend.
But… as for everything else, I don’t care how much money it costs. Effort, time—whatever it takes, I’ll give it to him.
“A girlfriend, maybe?”
My sobs echoed through the dark room.
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