Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818622176550308690/episodes/16818792438089013517
(…That’s right, isn’t it? The Rinka of late is just like the Rinka from back then…)
What came back to me were memories from when we were still in the lower grades of elementary school.
Rinka… had gone through a period where, due to certain circumstances, she suffered severe bullying.
But Rinka never tried to ask anyone for help. I think Rinka, with her twisted sense of kindness, probably didn’t want to be a bother to us. Seeing Rinka like that… even as a kid, I felt someone had to be there for her.
In the end, I volunteered for the role myself. I couldn’t stand by and do nothing, so I ended up talking to Rinka.
After that, Rinka started showing me her real smile. Her crinkly smile was incredibly charming. She occasionally started saying harsh things to me, but I took it as her opening up to me—and I felt joy at this change in her.
But one late night…
I suddenly overheard my parents and Koiuta’s parents talking on the phone.
That’s when Mom chose these words—“Dependence.”
“Hey, Akito… What’s wrong…?”
Squeeze. …Rinka pinched my sleeve.
Tears welled in her eyes. It was like she was begging me not to leave her alone.
“Please… Don’t ignore me…”
“Ah—! S-sorry! Rinka… it’s not that. I was just… thinking about something…”
“Really…? Did I… hurt you somehow, Akito…?”
Squeeze. The force in Rinka’s hand tightened.
Seeing her like that, I became half-certain.
After all, the Rinka of now was… the same as back then. The little Rinka who used to cling to my back and refuse to leave my side.
“It’s okay. …I’m the one who’s sorry. Come on, let’s go.”
Suddenly, I noticed. The sky had grown completely dark.
The fireworks would start in about an hour. …We should start thinking about finding a spot soon.
“Hey, Akito…”
As we started walking again, Renka wouldn’t let go of my sleeve.
Her slender, white fingers trembled slightly.
“I… I’ll fix it. If I hurt you, Akito… I’ll apologize. So please, tell me properly…?”
Her trembling voice sounded as if she feared something.
—No. You know, don’t you? I know.
(—It’s my fault.)
Until recently, I’d been trying to distance myself from Rinka. I’d been blatantly avoiding her.
And as a result—didn’t I end up traumatizing her?
I don’t know exactly what I meant to Rinka. But… at the very least, I’m certain she cherished me as a childhood friend. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have said things like “I love you.”
Then suddenly, I tried to leave her. I acted as if rejecting her.
What if all my actions… instilled in Rinka the fear that she might lose her childhood friend?
What if the feelings born from that backlash were sublimated by Rinka into affection for me?
Is that… truly an emotion I can approve of?
(What the hell, me… This is just… the worst…)
The true nature of the unease I’d been carrying all along. The cause of that pain deep in my chest.
That very thing was… anxiety about dependency.
Rinka must be becoming dependent on me… just like she was back then.
And what caused it?
None other than… myself, I suppose.
“…Akito. I’m sorry…”
“—Huh?”
“Because… you look scared… right? It’s my fault, isn’t it…?”
What should I do?
How am I supposed to—face my own feelings?
Being dependent like this… Can this even be called a healthy relationship?
“…No. That’s not it, Rinka…”
Who were those words meant for?
But… seeing Rinka’s expression, trembling with fear, right before my eyes.
What the hell is different?—I pop the strawberry candy she gave me into my mouth and crunch it.
“—Sorry, Rinka. I just got a little dizzy in the crowd.”
I lie.
At least for now… I want her to smile, even if it’s just for me.
“…Akito, are you okay? Maybe… we should rest somewhere?”
“No, I’m fine. Probably just hungry. But thanks to this you gave me, I feel much better now—this is good.”
I smile. I think I was smiling.
Rinka too—her cheeks relaxed as if relieved. I, too, breathed a sigh of relief for the moment.
“Thanks, Rinka. For worrying about me.”
“Ah… uh, yeah…”
“Well then, shall we shake it off and go grab a spot? Or do you want to look around the stalls a bit more, Rinka?”
“W-Well… either is fine, I guess? Whatever you want, Akito…”
“I see. Well then, I think I’ll go for something heartier. Like yakisoba.”
“…Hehe. You do like yakisoba, don’t you, Akito? Okay, let’s go.”
We walked through the festival grounds together, licking our strawberry candy.
The voices of the surrounding festival-goers, which should have been noisy—no longer reached my ears.
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This MC has been WAAAY too dense and WAAAY too dumb throughout this story (what does she mean by I love you, like cmon) to all the sudden be having these deep thoughts about codependency and shit.