Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818622176550308690/episodes/16818622177702007045
Nothing in particular happened, and I found myself at the end of the school day.
Strangely enough, I felt like I was able to concentrate on class better today than I did before Golden Week. Until now, I would find myself thinking about Renka out of the blue…but even after what happened, my mind was clear. I didn’t even glance at her sitting next to me, and of course, I didn’t speak to her either.
Speaking of which, during lunch break, Suzukita san apologized to me again. She said it was her fault for causing a fight between Renren and me…something like that.
So I told her she wasn’t at fault. On the contrary, thanks to her, my condition improved quickly. I should be grateful, not blame her. When I said that, Suzukita san just smiled and said, “Oh, I see.”
Then there were Sena and Hideki. I apologized to them for canceling at the last minute. They both said, “It’s okay” and “Don’t worry about it” but I felt like they looked at me with concern several times.
…Well, I guess they sensed that something had happened between me and Renka. Now that our relationship has deteriorated to this point, I’ll have to explain the situation to them later.
And then there was the last one.
I had made a promise with Yuri to study together after school.
When I went to the library, where we were supposed to meet, he was already staring intently at his textbook.
“Sorry I’m late, Yuri.”
“Don’t worry about it. Having you here won’t improve my study efficiency anyway.”
“Don’t say that, even if you think it…”
Yuri is a good student. He always keeps his position as the top student in the class.
On the other hand, I’m always in the bottom three digits. It’s true that there’s no benefit to studying with me. It’s sad, but that’s the reality.
“I’m joking. Akito, I enjoy spending time with you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have agreed to meet up with you.”
“Oh, okay. I see…”
What’s with this guy, suddenly being so nice?
Yuri is just as handsome as Hideki. I thought he had a difficult personality, but maybe guys like him are popular with girls after all. He’s got great grades, too.
“Hey, Yuri. Sorry about yesterday, I couldn’t make it at the last minute.”
“Don’t worry about it. Everyone gets sick sometimes.”
Yuri looked up from his textbook and looked at my face.
“By the way, Akito, did you get to meet Renka yesterday?”
“…Well, sort of.”
“I see. How did it go?”
How did it go?
When asked that, I thought for a moment…I had decided to keep my distance from Renka more than ever before. If I did that, it would inevitably create distance between me and Yuri and Hideki as well.
I decided it was best to be honest about it, so I said,
“…She told me she hates me.”
“Hates you? Renka hates you?”
“Well, it’s my fault. Actually, this morning, Suzukita san came to take care of me. Thanks to her, I recovered by nighttime. So, as a thank you to Suzukita san, I was helping her gather materials for Anfil…”
“I see. And Renka saw that.”
Yes, I nodded,
“That’s why I’m going to keep my distance from Renka from now on. She probably doesn’t want to be bothered by someone she hates, and I don’t want to keep thinking about what happened yesterday either.”
“I understand. If that’s how you feel, I’ll support you.”
Rarely, Yuri looked at me with a serious expression.
He adjusted his glasses and said,
“I’ll give Renka a stern warning. Letting her emotions get the better of her is an old bad habit of hers. I think Akito’s anger is justified.”
“No…I mean, it’s not that I’m angry…”
I didn’t really understand it myself. But anger didn’t quite fit.
I didn’t want to do anything to Renka, or anything like that. I just didn’t want to have anything to do with her ever again.
As I was thinking that, I suddenly realized…
“—I see. I guess I just don’t want to get hurt anymore.”
When I think back on yesterday, it still hurts.
But that’s not all. She’s been saying harsh things to me for a long time. Maybe that’s been damaging my heart little by little.
As a result, combined with yesterday’s incident, my mental endurance might have reached its limit.
So I guess I decided to distance myself from her as a form of self-defense. If I were to be disliked or insulted by Renka any further…I feel like I might not be able to recover this time.
“So, Akito. You still like Renka, don’t you?”
Yuri, like Hideki, has known me for a long time.
My feelings for Renka have been obvious for quite some time. …When I think about it calmly, it’s pretty embarrassing.
“Well…I guess so.”
If I were truly indifferent, I wouldn’t be hurt by every little thing she says or does.
In other words, I still like her.
Because I like her, I don’t want her to hate me. That’s why I’ve come to strongly feel that I want to avoid her.
“Akito and Renka are like hedgehogs right now.”
“Yeah. ….Wait, what? Hedgehogs?”
“Hedgehogs have quills. If they try to get close to each other to build a relationship, their quills will prick each other and cause pain. So they have no choice but to keep their distance from those they want to be friends with. That conflict and contradiction is called the hedgehog’s dilemma.”
I see, I thought.
Indeed, right now I’m keeping my distance from someone I like for self-protection. Plus, I don’t want to make Renka feel bad because of me anymore. I’m in a hedgehog state.
“…Wait. Wasn’t that story about a porcupine instead of a hedgehog…?”
“That’s right. But hedgehogs are cuter, aren’t they?”
“Oh, uh…”
Yuri sometimes says weird things like that.
Well…that’s what makes him interesting, though.
I laughed lightly, and then Yuri and I started studying together.
A few minutes later, my smartphone buzzed with a notification sound.
“Oh no. I forgot to turn off notifications…”
Apologizing silently to those around me for not having my phone on silent mode, I secretly checked my phone.
There was a message from Sena…
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