Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/822139836586390776/episodes/822139842123512841
“That’s not true. Mei-chan only by chance, and Risa only ended up as my game voice chat partner because it happened to be me. It could have been anyone else, right?”
“Chance… I suppose you could call it that. But that’s just the trigger. It’s only the entry point.”
Before I could counter, Hayato continued without pause.
“Whether someone depends on another person isn’t decided just by ‘who they met first.’ ‘How they were treated afterward’—that’s what matters.”
“How… treated?”
“Yeah. Take Yozuki-san, for example. Being the first subscriber might be important to a streamer. But what if they started treating her casually later, or tried to get closer, or even pushed her away… What would Yozuki-san do then?”
“… ”
“You didn’t force yourself to get closer. You tried to stay just another viewer, to the point where other viewers wondered why. Instead, you helped Yozuki-san enjoy the stream. Can you honestly say anyone could have done that?”
“… ”
“Same with Kuroi-san. I’m not denying it was just chance that you happened to be the one on the call. But not prying, not overstepping, not pulling away… from a girl who hates men and has weird boundaries? That’s not something just anyone could do either.”
The last bit sounded like he was saying it with a slight smile.
“Besides, if it really had been anyone, the target would’ve changed at some point. Dependence doesn’t last long with someone who can be replaced… If it’s still going on today, there must’ve been a moment when it stopped being just a coincidence. That’s how I see it.”
To Hayato’s words, I replied in a voice weaker than usual for me.
“But… the start was by chance, right? If I hadn’t been the first subscriber, Mei wouldn’t remember me. If the person she called hadn’t been me, Risa wouldn’t have leaned on me.”
I exhaled once.
“Even if you say I was chosen… I wonder if it’s just that I happened to be there first… If someone else had been there first, wouldn’t Mei-chan have smiled at them, wouldn’t Risa have calmed down to their voice, and wouldn’t they have ended up with a relationship like ours now? If it could have happened without me, do I even have the right to keep living up to that?”
It wasn’t a statement, but a question.
“…Because I was kind? Because I was there? Is that enough to think I was ‘chosen’?”
I laughed bitterly.
“Honestly, it scares me. That it might break if I’m gone, but also that someone else could take my place. Neither lets me say for sure that I’m needed…”
“Tenrai. You don’t want to admit you’re special, do you? You don’t want to carry the weight of it breaking if you leave, or being swayed by your own words. That’s why you’re hiding behind ‘it was just chance,’ right?”
But, Hayato continued.
“Unfortunately, the person being depended on also has certain qualities. Kindness, insensitivity, not stepping in… all of it. You didn’t ‘do nothing.’ You just ‘didn’t do anything wrong.’ Writing that off as coincidence means you’re the one who’s looking down on those two the most…”
I stayed silent for a while, staring at the ceiling.
Even over the phone, I could tell Hayato was waiting for my silence to end.
“…I don’t mean to underestimate them.”
I finally spoke.
“It’s the opposite, actually. I think about it too much, which is why I can’t just say I was special to them…”
I continued, choosing my words carefully.
“I get what you’re saying, Hayato. If I’d treated them carelessly, they might have broken down along the way.
And that’s not something just anyone could do…”
I paused once.
“But you know, isn’t that just not stepping out of line? Not hurting them. Not overstepping. Keeping the right distance. That’s… not why I was chosen. It’s just the bare minimum, right?”
Saying it myself made my chest tighten a little.
“I don’t remember doing anything special. I don’t feel like I saved anyone or changed their life or anything like that.”
His voice dropped slightly.
“But then, when they say things like ‘there’s no replacement’ or ‘it had to be me’…”
He exhales sharply.
“Honestly, I can’t fully believe it. Even if they say they’d fall apart without me, I can’t help thinking it’s just because I stayed there all along.”
I laugh bitterly.
“You know… maybe it’s not that I was chosen, but that I just kept sitting in the chair I didn’t run away from? Taking that as something special feels like conveniently accepting responsibility, or conveniently running away…”
The last bit was almost a whisper.
“…That’s why I still can’t say for sure it wasn’t just a coincidence…”
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