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When I finished telling her about Akina, Suika was quietly shedding tears.
I myself still feel as if my heart is breaking when I think about it.
“She must have hated me.”
“………..”
I’m sure she would have. If I had protected her properly, she would not have died.
If I had accepted her offer, none of this would have happened.
But it’s too late now. Even if I know the future, I can’t escape from the past.
“I am sorry. I’m sorry for making you listen to my boring one-sided self-talk.”
“There is nothing boring about it. …… Why did Arase-kun bring Suika here?”
“Because I was in pain, I guess.”
“……?”
“It’s hard to keep it to myself. I wanted someone to listen to it.”
I really mean it. One could have chosen not to talk to anyone about his or her past.
Not many people have a past like this, if I do say so myself.
I’m not looking for sympathy. Most people would feel the same way when they hear a story like this. So I don’t really care about that in and of itself.
“It’s even more difficult for me to understand. Then, why do you want to such Suika…..”
“Can’t you stop saying it that?”
“……”
“I wanted to talk to Suika. Do you know that Suika is influencing people more than you think?”
“Suika’s influence ……? That’s not ……”
“Yes. At least I do. I like it. When Suika’s playing basketball.”
“—“
“She always looks like she’s having fun. I don’t know how to say this to a girl like Suika, but she’s like a young boy. I like to see her chasing the ball around all the time, and most of all, I like to see her having fun.”
“W-What does that have to do with anything?”
“The reason I brought you here is because the basketball Suika is playing lately doesn’t seem to be fun.”
“……!!!”
But it still hasn’t led to the clear reason why I brought her here, as Suika said.
“I’ve held it to the limit all by myself and this is the result. I don’t want Suika to regret it.
I couldn’t do it if I was going to leave Suika alone and let her break down.”
“………”
“Unlike me, you have someone you can rely on, don’t you? So when you’re going through a hard time, I want you to be able to rely on someone.”
I think it’s a pretty selfish thing to say. I made her skip class and told her a long story about the old days, and this is what I wanted to say.
It would have been more convincing than if I had just said it in a normal way.
I wonder if Akina would be angry if she found out that I used her in this way. ……No, I’m sure she would laugh and forgive me.
And what I said to Suika earlier was not false.
I was in a lot of pain myself. That’s why I relied on her as I had told her. It is impossible to forget even if you try not to think about it.
“I relied on you. It may sound selfish from Suika’s point of view, but I wanted Suika to listen to me.”
“……!”
She is pure and bright, like the opposite of me, like the sun.
It’s dark now, but I wanted her brightness to blow away my dark past.
“But I don’t know what to do….As Arase-kun said, lately even playing basketball has been… painful. I’ve heard bad things from my seniors, and since we’re in the same club, I don’t know what to do…”
I wonder if it was from a senior with whom she had a conflict. Suika must have been carrying this problem without telling anyone.
If you say something bad about a senior to someone in the same department, it might cause friction. she kept these helpless feelings to herself
And I knew that feeling well.
Because I was the same way. I was also shunned by senpai.
“I knew that I was going to have a fight with Natsu, but I didn’t know it. I thought she knew everything, but for some reason I didn’t like the fact that she didn’t understand me. The more I think about it, the more painful it is,…… so I thought I should just play basketball, but it still didn’t work out,…….”
I heard Suika’s sobbing again. Suika’s crying face is something I’ve never seen before.
When I saw that, I felt strongly that I wanted Suika to be smiling.
“How can we all have fun again as a team…?”
Although she appeared to have a solid track record and was organized, she was actually surprisingly fragile. It fell apart due to a small crack.
“Suika can do it.”
“I can’t do it….and I don’t know what to do…”
“Just confront it. Be honest and say what you really think. What you want to do.”
“…..”
“You’re a team. If you don’t hide who you are and don’t really fight each other, you won’t become a winning team.”
“……It’s impossible. I’m sure that even if I really hit them with my true feelings, they’ll only be worse than they are now, and they won’t …… be the same as they were before. ……”
“If you don’t have confidence in yourself, trust me.”
“…………”
When I saw the expression on Suika’s face as she fell silent, the resolve in me changed to determination.
“Then, I promise you.”
“…… Eh?”
“I promise to make Suika believe in me. I’ll make Suika remember the joy of basketball once again.”
I declared confidently and made a promise to Suika.
◆
After visiting the graves, we took the train back to Suwon Town.
The train on the way back was not as crowded as the one we came in, and we were able to sit down.
We sat next to each other and there was nothing awkward about it, but we were silent.
All the while, various thoughts were going around in my head.
One was about Arase-kun.
How did Arase-kun recover from his unimaginable past?
The kind of pain he is going through is completely different from what I am going through, but I am sure that Arase-kun must have gone through a tremendous amount of suffering, even if I don’t need to compare it.
I wonder how he overcame it or if he hasn’t.
─ ─ To Suika, of all people.
“…..”
I can feel my face getting hot as I recall it.
What did that mean?
The more I think about it, the more it seeps out as heat and disappears.
I am sure there is no deeper meaning.
I conclude so and shake my head to cool down.
The second is about the basketball team.
What should I do from now on? My thoughts haven’t changed much since I came here.
The promise Arase-kun made to me.
Can he really do it?
Arase-kun, I have a feeling that he can do anything. But at the same time, I understand that there are practical difficulties.
But for some reason, my mind was still clear and my feelings were calm.
When I get home, I have to apologize to Natsu.
I was thinking about how I should talk to her, and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep.
When I woke up, I was already in Mizuhara Town.
Arase-kun awkwardly pointed out the drooling afterwards, and I felt embarrassed again.
◆
“Arase, what’s wrong with him?”
Ito-kun didn’t come to school today. It was recess, and Yuri-chan, sitting in Ito-kun’s seat, muttered something like that.
“I wonder if he overslept or something.”
“Maybe. It seems he’s not very good in the mornings.”
“Should I have gone to wake him up?
“Oh, you’re right.”
Ito-kun’s hand injury has already completely healed. During the period when he couldn’t use his hands, Yuuri-chan and I would often go there to help in the morning, but now I feel nostalgic for that.
“…..”
“Nanami? What’s wrong?”
“I-It’s nothing!”
“Mouu, you’re always in a daze, you should be more careful!”
Yuuri-chan looked so cute as she smiled like that.
Yuuri-chan has always been cute, but lately she looks even more attractive.
Seeing her like that, I let out a small sigh.
“Then again, Arase who slacked off again must buy me something to eat!”
“Eh, Ito-kun, did he forget something?”
“It’s the health committee member’s job! You see, this week is the ball game tournament, right? That’s why I’m here.”
“It’s tough being a health committee member, isn’t it?”
Ball games. Me and Yuri-chan are going to participate in basketball. I’m more of a slow learner, but Yuri-chan is as athletic as the rest of the basketball team. Since there are girls in the class who also play women’s basketball, maybe we can go as far as to be good this year.
“Come to think of it, Ito-kun, he played soccer, didn’t he?”
“I remember him saying that.”
“I wonder if there is a time when I can cheer for him. I hope it doesn’t conflict with the girls’ basketball time. ……”
“I don’t think he’s going to be motivated to do it, though.”
“That’s true.”
I smile bitterly at Yuuri-chan’s words. Ito-kun seemed to have good athletic ability when I watched him participate in physical education, but he didn’t seem to be very motivated.
“I don’t think he’s really going to show up……. I wonder if he’ll come in the morning.”
“He’s a very daring sleeper, isn’t he?”
“I wonder if he’s skipping out with some other girl?”
“”?!””
The one who interrupted the conversation there was Nakashiro-kun.
It seems that he was listening to our conversation from the seat in front of Ito-kun.
“Don’t talk nonsense. Even he wouldn’t skip school to do something like that.”
Yuri-chan took a bite out of him.
“I don’t know about that. ……. Ito-kun is pretty friendly with a lot of girls, isn’t he? It might be possible.”
“TTThere’s no way that’s possible.”
Nakashiro-kun looks like he’s having fun. Yuuri-chan’s voice was trembling slightly.
“Mouu Nakashiro kun Don’t make fun of Yuri-chan!”
“Haha, I don’t mean to make fun of you! How about this? How about showing your best in the ball game? If you do that, maybe Ito-kun will take a closer look at you?”
“I-I don’t know why I would want to show my good side to the Arase……, B-but that would be nice too …….”
Then the chime rang and Yuri-chan went back to her seat.
I look outside at the cloudy sky and mutter in my mind.
──Ito-kun, I hope you come soon.
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