Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817139558660048790/episodes/16818093076356264874
By the time we finally arrived at our destination, my spirit was exhausted.
Apparently, so was Arase-kun, who looked a little tired.
Even remembering it now, I can feel the heat on my face.
I’m not sweating, right ……?
Even though I’m often seen sweating during club activities, I’m starting to notice it now.
Because I don’t think he’s going to be that close to me on the train. …… If it was going to be like that, I wish he would have told me ahead of time!
I don’t usually ride trains, so I didn’t really understand what a crowded train was.
And I didn’t know what it was like to have a boy protect me like that.
Wasn’t that only in the world of manga?
I was really tired, as if my heart was about to start beating out of control just by looking at him.
It was 10 minutes before we arrived that I was freed from such a state.
“…………”
“…………”
After getting off the train, a different kind of awkwardness had formed between us than before.
I was not aware of it, but just looking at Arase-kun made me feel strange.
“Takaiji……?”
I looked around to distract myself from that. What I saw was a station sign. I don’t know the name of the station beyond that, as I usually only go as far as Nagahama when I take the train.
It was a simple kanji, but I was a little unsure of how to read it.
“Takaidera. Where I used to live.”
“……!”
The place where Arase-kun used to live……
It feels refreshing to hear someone say that. At the same time, questions that I hadn’t really thought about until now arise.
Why did Arase-kun leave this town?
I know he is staying at that café, but is there a reason?
I played basketball with Arase-kun and he helped me a lot, but I realized that I didn’t know much about him.
“You used to live here,……, do you have business here?”
“Well.
Let’s walk for now.”
Arase-kun looked somewhat nostalgic and a little sad.
It took a few minutes to walk out of the station as it was. Once out of the station area, the streets are not so different from those in Suwon.
The area around the station is more prosperous than Suwon, but not as urban as Nagahama.
If you look further away, you can see mountains, and the scenery is somewhat familiar.
I was in front of my house all morning, and my frustration at being told to skip morning practice or school had somehow vanished.
The truth was that I had to practice basketball more and more because I didn’t have much time before the tournament, but when I came to Arase-kun’s hometown and walked with him, I was strangely free from such impatience.
He can play basketball, is kind, and can even cook. I really felt like I was getting to know the roots of Arase-kun, who can handle anything with ease, and I was a little excited about it.
It was just before 9 o’clock.
After 15 minutes of walking from the station, Arase-kun stopped walking and I realized that we had finally arrived at our destination.
“What is this place ……?”
Looking up, I saw a large red torii gate.
It had the same name as the station.
It was a temple.
When I looked at Arase-kun, I recognized more clearly the melancholy look on his face that I had felt all along earlier.
With this expression on his face, Arase-kun went through the gate.
“Arase-kun, wait up! ……!”
An errand to the temple. When I was told that, even the least perceptive of me understood immediately what today’s purpose was.
“I’m here, Akina. Happy birthday!”
Arase-kun then took out a box and a plastic bottle from his bag and placed them in front of the grave.
Arase-kun opened the lid of the box to reveal the contents. The packaged contents were baumkuchen.
Birthday …….
The gravestone reads, “Tomb of the Horie Family Ancestors.”
It was a surname I had heard somewhere before, but for now I focused on what was in front of me.
Arase-kun brought a tub of water from a nearby temple’s water pump and poured water over the grave with a ladle, then lit incense with a lighter.
“Sorry, can you give her too?”
“Y-yes. ……”
I accepted the incense at Arase-kun’s urging and, imitating him, offered it.
I put my hands together and join my palms together.
I had never visited the grave of a complete stranger before. So, I did not know what to think about this deceased person.
Still, the look on Arase-kun’s face made me realize that she was an important person. Seeing his expression, I felt my heart tighten.
“Thank you, I’m sure Akina would be happy to hear that.”
Arase-kun said to me as he finished his prostration.
The excitement I had felt earlier when I was able to get to know Arase-kun had cooled down. Even though I did not know, I reflected that it was inappropriate.
“Akina is my sister.”
“sister…..”
My heart squeezes again.
I too have a grandfather who died of an illness, but I can somehow accept that it is due to age, after all.
I myself have a younger brother, but I never imagined that a family member that close to my age would pass away.
Arase-kun has had such an experience. I don’t know what to say to him.
“What kind of person was your sister, ……?”
How did she die? I wanted to ask him that, but I didn’t know if I should ask him lightly.
I was not sure if he knew of my confusion or not, but he began to talk in a nostalgic way.
◇
She was always calling me “onii chan onii chan” and to me she was the sweetest sister I ever had.
When she was little, she was energetic and mischievous, and I was often pushed around by her, but in the upper grades of elementary school, she tended to get sick.
It was not that she had an intractable disease or an unsurvivable illness, but it was simply that she had less physical strength than others and got tired easily.
That’s why she often gets a fever. She wanted to play outside, so I tried to stop her, but she would do reckless things again, and the fever would come on and off again.
If my family had been a decent family, I think I would have been able to get by somehow while dealing with such a constitution.
But my parents were the worst.
Neither of them worked, they gambled, drank, and sometimes beat me and Akina.
It was not uncommon for us to be left without food for the day.
I felt that Akina was not strong enough and needed nutrition, and that she would die if she continued to live as she was, so I managed to persuade my parents.
—I will do everything I can to take care of the house and earn money, so please let Akina lead a decent life. You can beat me up, but please don’t beat up Akina.
If you break your promise, I will call the Child Guidance Center.
That is what I said
Thinking back to that day, I probably should have done so without saying whether I wanted to or not. Still, I was not smart enough and was afraid of relying on others, so I could not do so.
I said so because I had the knowledge. And I couldn’t do anything about the possibility of things changing worse than they were now.
My parents said that I could do whatever I wanted, but in the end they went along with my suggestion.
I guess it was easier for them.
If I left them alone, they would take care of everything at home and even earn money for me. That must have been the most attractive thing for them.
From there, I somehow managed to fool myself about my age and spent all my time doing part-time jobs and housework. I cut down on the things I liked and cut down my time to the limit.
There were many times when people were suspicious of me, but I was able to get by with working at a private store or something.
I continued the same lifestyle for the next few years.
For some reason, my parents let me go to high school. Maybe there was a reason I didn’t know about. Still, I spent all my time outside of school working part-time.
I was at my limit. I was beginning to see the limits of living with no one to talk to, being exploited, and protecting my sister while putting everything about myself on the back burner.
I thought it was easier to work without thinking than to think about this crazy situation and change something.
By that time, my relationship with my sister, whom I loved, had changed a bit.
I didn’t understand why I did it. Although I was working for Akina, whom I loved very much, I began to resent her.
I lived each day as if I were dead with these contradictory feelings. One day, Akina asked me if I wanted her help with something. But I refused.
All I had to do was to sacrifice myself. She didn’t have to do anything. She was free to do whatever she wanted.
If I did anything unnecessary, they might do something to her. That’s what I thought.
I must have been paralyzed.
We continued to argue about whether I wanted help or not
And when we got into a fight, I took out my feelings on Akina, which had nowhere else to go.
—-Who do you think I’m working hard for?
After that fight, I stopped talking to Akina. I didn’t even know it was the last time we talked.
It was my birthday when the incident occurred.
I got the news that the car my sister and my parents were driving had been in an accident.
Apparently, my parents had joined a large group of thieves and tried to get a lot of money.
If I believe the scums, Akina was apparently trying to help our parents in order to make a little money for the family – and to help me. She didn’t know it was a crime, but she heard it was just a way to make some money.
The car they used for the crime had an accident on the way to escape.
The only person who died was my sister.
◇
This was the first time I heard about Arase-kun’s past.
I was immensely surprised at how much more than I had imagined. It is so unrealistic.
I see how I have been living in a peaceful world.
I found myself with tears falling from my eyes.
(TL/N : phew…….this is dark)
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