Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/822139843121925685/episodes/822139843762729897
Yukina’s Side
“…He fell asleep.”
I narrowed my eyes, watching Yuu sleeping peacefully on my lap, his gentle snores filling the air.
Then, I gently stroked his head.
“Yuu… thank you for relying on me… I was happy.”
Surely… knowing Yuu, he must have had some scheme in mind when he asked for my help.
Even so… I was happy he chose to rely on me.
“…But you know, you don’t need a scheme. You can just rely on me normally.”
Anything Yuu finds troublesome, I’ll do it for him instead.
Anything at all.
I’ll feed him.
I’ll wash his body.
Work? Money? Relationships?
――I’ll figure it all out for you.
After going through so much pain, Yuu has every right to expect that much.
Besides, I’m the one who broke you, so please let me do at least this much.
[――Losing one leg is nothing compared to everyone’s future]
When he woke up, Yuu said that.
――But saying that is proof he’s not okay.
“Yu… is already broken… I… broke him…”
Even after dying countless times, you never gave up.
Even after breaking your heart, even after extinguishing the light from your shining eyes, even after breaking your heart――you kept trying to save us.
The result――Yu couldn’t endure the terrible stress and lost his memory.
“It’s… my fault…”
No matter how much I gave, how much I devoted myself, how much I apologized—the guilt never faded.
So—let me atone for it as much as I possibly can.
“—But Yuu wouldn’t want to see me like this. I have to hold back.”
I lightly slap my own cheek.
Yuu wants us to live happily.
He wants us to keep our faces bright, without clouding our expressions.
Then—I have to act.
I have to be bright and cheerful, like a story’s heroine.
Like… the way I was just now.
Of course, I don’t think this alone can fully atone for my sins.
But… if I don’t do at least this much, it won’t even count as atonement.
Because—I have more to make up for to Yu than the other two do.
――◇――◇――◇――
This happened a little while ago.
—Someone I’d only remember as “Oh, yeah, there was this person” when looking at graduation photos.
That was my original impression of Yu.
During breaks, Yu was usually passed out face-down on their desk. I’d hardly ever seen them talking to anyone.
The so-called… introvert type.
Deep down, I used to look down on Yu a little.
“Hey, why don’t you try talking to people a bit more?”
Once, I actually said that to Yuu.
Partly for amusement… and partly because if his reason for not talking was ‘not knowing how to connect with classmates,’ I thought I could help him out.
But—
“…I don’t want to. This way is happier for me.”
That was his reply.
Happier lying face-down asleep alone than talking with friends?
I didn’t get it.
Frustrated inside, I walked away.
After that, every time I saw Yuu sleeping, I started secretly mocking him inside.
And that day too, seeing Yuu sleeping peacefully with that serene face—
“Hey, you’re sleeping again? lol”
I said to Yuu, who was still asleep, with a half-smile.
“Come on, get up already. How much sleep do you need? lol Are you a koala or something…!”
“……”
I kept talking at Yuu, who was still asleep.
“Hey, aren’t you actually awake already? You can hear me, right? You’re just pretending to sleep because it’s too much trouble, lol.”
“……”
Even so, Yu didn’t even twitch an eyelid.
“…Seriously, wake up already. How many times do you think I’ve called out to you?”
“……”
“…Hey… Seriously, you should get up soon.”
I turned my gaze back to Yu.
Yu was still asleep.
—In the stark white hospital room.
—On the stark white bed.
—His right leg painfully wrapped in bandages.
――With an IV needle stuck in his arm.
He slept with an expression of complete peace, as if he’d done everything he needed to do.
I staggered toward Yuu on unsteady feet, but midway, my strength gave out and I dropped to my knees on the floor.
And through my tear-blurred vision, I spoke the same words again.
“Yu… wake up… I’ll apologize for everything… please… wake up…”
I touched Yu’s hand, clinging to it desperately.
“I’m sorry for looking down on you in my heart. I’m sorry for thinking you were pitiful… It wasn’t true. You were braver and stronger than anyone. Kind enough to save me, even though I must have done terrible things…”
Tears streamed down my cheeks and fell onto the back of Yu’s hand.
“But… when you were suffering, I couldn’t do anything… No matter how many times you died, no matter how much your spirit broke… I couldn’t do anything… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
I tried to grasp Yu’s hand.
But… my hand trembled, and in the end, Yu’s hand slipped from mine.
It felt as if I was being told I wasn’t needed.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Words of apology filled my mind endlessly.
I have no memory of that day after that.
Probably… I went home, wished for Yuu to wake up, clutched the charm, and shut myself in my room.
That’s exactly why, just now, Yuu needing me made me incredibly happy.
But now, I have something else on my mind.
It’s Tsukino-chan.
I found my own way to make amends.
Karen-chan is also trying to make it up by apologizing endlessly.
But—Tsukino-chan doesn’t know how to make amends.
She feels intense guilt, yet she can’t do anything about it.
It might seem like a good thing… but for her, it’s unimaginably painful.
Having experienced the agony of being trapped in a loop—unable to apologize or make amends—I knew that pain well.
“Tsukino-chan… I should contact her later…”
She’s such a serious girl.
That’s precisely why—it wouldn’t be surprising if she’d been crushed by guilt and died.
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