Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818093089077215540/episodes/16818093093095755669
“I wonder if Yanagi senpai has any quality other than insensitivity? Does he have a self-punishing way of thinking?”
Recently I have often come across materials from Yanagi senpai.
It’s not something I’ve researched, it’s something they send me.
”Then why is that person sending me materials on Yanagi senpai after all this time?”
If they think there is a problem with his personality, there is no way that person would put Yanagi senpai near Amane senpai.
To some extent, that person must trust senpai as well.
Then why?
Why is that person sending me such a detailed summary of his personality, character, and way of thinking?
What do they want me to do by showing this to me?
“There is no way that person would send me these materials for no reason at all. But what is the meaning? I really don’t know.”
It’s been like that for a long time.
That person tries to tell me something by giving me only information without telling me the details.
They may be trying to train me in their own way, but every time they try, I get turned off by it.
Maybe this is one of the reasons why I have a hard time with that person.
“Right now, it’s more about the information written in this document.”
The information in this document is written in detail as usual about Senpai.
What was different from usual was that it was information that anyone could know, such as appearance and weight, but this time it was more internal information.
“If you look into Yanagi senpai in detail, what kind of benefit will that person, or by extension Amane senpai, have?”
His personality is self-punishing and self-deprecating.
He has a personality that is extremely sweet to those he cares about and shows no mercy towards his opponents.
He is not accustomed to being favored by others and does not notice when they favor him.
Even if he does notice, he always assumes that it is a misunderstanding.
He always assume the worst.
“As expected, that person did some research. The information seems to be quite accurate.”
The Yanagi senpai I knew was not so different from the persona described in this document.
“What is that person looking for? Or are they not asking for anything and are simply passing on information about Yanagi senpai?”
It could be both.
The more I look at this material, the more I think Amane senpai is going to have a hard time. No matter how much Amane senpai shows her goodwill, Yanagi senpai won’t trust it.
“What am I supposed to do with these materials?”
I looked down at the document in my hand and let out a sigh.
There are a lot of troublesome things that people send me.
◇
“I’m sorry, Misora chan, can I have a word?”
“Yes? What’s wrong, Towa Nee san?”
“I need to talk to you about something, is this a good time?”
“It’s all right ! If I can help you.”
I visited Misora chan’s room after dinner.
The reason was simple.
I wanted to talk to Misora chan about something.
“The topic of discussion is…about Sora.”
“About Onii !? What kind of thing?”
“Well, we went to the amusement park the other day, right?”
“We went there.”
“And when Misora chan went to ride the attractions by herself, Sora and I were riding the Ferris wheel together.”
“Ehh !?”
Misora chan’s face turned bright red and her eyes lit up.
I think she must be quite fond of love stories after all.
“Sora once held my hand.”
“Yeah, yeah !”
“But he immediately let go of my hand and asked me if I was feeling uncomfortable with a terribly frightened look on his face.”
“Ah, that’s what you mean. I feel like I understand the story somehow.”
Misora chan’s eyes, which had been shining just a moment ago, withdrew and she looked stunned.
I like Misora chan’s rich facial expressions.
It’s fun to watch and above all, she is trustworthy.
“After that, Sora kept on belittling himself. It was more like self-deprecation.”
“I can see that. My brother is always self-deprecating in his thinking. Maybe he hates himself more than anything else.”
Misora chan said with a sad look on her face.
Is that so?
I think he always takes himself lightly.
He does everything at his own risk.
He seems to have no qualms about sacrificing himself.
That makes me helplessly sad and distressed.
“……I see that.”
“It’s always been that way. My brother has always hated and disliked himself. Still, it used to be a little better. He still tries to sacrifice himself, but he doesn’t have the same kind of self-abandonment that he does now.”
“Do you know why things have gotten worse recently?”
“…..If you don’t mind my prediction.”
“Let me hear it.”
I’m sure that the person who understands Sora the best in this world is Misora chan.
Her prediction is probably the closest to the correct answer that I can think of.
“……Onii probably hated himself more after he was cheated on by Runa Nee and betrayed by Fujita san. I think that at that time, he became even more self-punishing and self-destructive than in the past.”
“That was the reason…..”
But it’s convincing.
I can understand why he would think like that if he were betrayed by his precious childhood friend and best friend.
In addition to this, Sora was also abandoned by his parents and was even deprived of his place to live.
It is no wonder that he hates himself and is inclined to self-punishment.
Still…..
“That’s just….too sad.”
Even though Sora is not bad in any way.
He has been deprived of everything.
Sora is now trying to throw away even himself.
I can’t help but feel that way.
I’m afraid that if I don’t catch him, he’ll fly away and disappear somewhere soon.
I’m afraid that as soon as I look elsewhere, he will disappear somewhere, and that terrifies me to no end.
“Towa Nee san……”
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna lose Sora.”
I really don’t want Sora to be gone.
If Sora is gone……
“I don’t know. Still, if Towa Nee san really wants to be with Onii, I think you should try to tell him how you really feel. That will work best for him.”
“But even if I do that, Sora will deny it, won’t he?”
He will deny it and offer a different possibility, just as he did with the Ferris wheel before this.
“But still, confront him. If Onii denies it, then Towa Nee san should convince him. You should convince him as many times as you want until he is convinced.”
I wondered if Sora would be convinced by that.
But nothing would change without action.
Then, there was nothing else to do but to try.
“Fufu.”
“What’s wrong? You suddenly smiled.”
“No, I just thought that apparently I like Sora more than I thought I did. I’m grateful for your advice today. Good night, Misora chan.”
With that, I left the room.
I had decided what I was going to do.
No matter how much Sora may despise himself, no matter how much he may torment himself, I will help him.
Sora is already irreplaceable to me.
I’m not dependent on him like I did with Sorane.
I genuinely love a boy named Yanagi Sora, to the point that I feel helpless..
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