Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051598917319858/episodes/2912051599016413019
Above me, as I lay pinned to the ground, Ellis was smiling seductively.
That image bore no resemblance whatsoever to the shy, reserved Ellis of the past, and I was forced to realize just how much time had passed.
(Ah, I see.)
I finally realized it.
That this was my original sin.
After returning from Germany, I couldn’t quite adjust to life in Japan.
It was because all those little discrepancies—my slightly off Japanese, the distance I kept when talking to people, the rhythm of conversation—had piled up, making me feel like an outsider.
Once I realized that, I started to gradually correct my missteps while watching how those around me reacted. Stopping contact with Ellis and tucking the photos away in the back of a drawer were all part of that process.
It wasn’t that I’d forgotten her, nor that I’d come to dislike her.
It was just that, in order to be “normal,” I’d banished Ellis to the realm of memories.
All the while, I had no idea how she was feeling.
“Ellis…”
When I called her name, the tips of her fingers trembled slightly.
Deep within my chest, pressed against the palm of my hand, I could feel my heart beating even more frantically.
That’s when I finally understood. What Ellis was trying to convey to me right now was her anxiety and fear that I might have forgotten her.
If that’s the case, all the more reason I can’t just let things slide like this.
Because that wouldn’t be true atonement.
“Ellis, stop it—”
As soon as I said that, Ellis let go of my hand.
The weight that had been pressing down on me vanished.
Ellis stepped back from the bed, putting a little distance between us.
“…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, Rintaro. I just wanted you to know who I am now.”
Ellis kept her hand pressed against her chest as she took a few shallow breaths to steady herself.
The intensity she’d shown just moments ago, as if she wouldn’t let me escape, still lingered deep in her eyes.
“I’ve really changed. I’ve become prettier, I’ve learned to smile properly, I have lots of friends, and I get praised a lot at school now.”
Ellis said this just like a small child reporting to their parents that they got a good grade on a test.
“But the truth is… none of that really mattered.”
“You mean it didn’t matter…?”
“Because it’s meaningless. It was all just so Rintaro would see me.”
Ellis’s eyes, as she smiled innocently, were beautiful… yet empty.
“So, look at me. Look at me right here…!”
Her golden hair, much more beautiful than in my memories.
Her blue eyes, deeper than before.
And her grown-up body.
A girl so single-minded it’s almost dangerous—trying to make me notice her, yet ready to stop the moment I seriously tell her to.
What does the current Ellis mean to me?
An old friend? A childhood friend? A girl from my memories?
None of those seem to fit the Ellis I see now, and I can’t find a clear answer.
Perhaps finding that answer is the atonement I must fulfill.
“I get it. I’ll really look at you. Little by little, as we live together from now on.”
“……!”
Ellis’s eyes widened.
The way she seemed determined not to miss a single detail of my attitude or expression was like water being poured onto parched, cracked earth.
“So, can I ask you something? What do you think of me… right now?”
Saying that, Elis fidgeted and looked up at me with a slightly upturned gaze.
Just a moment ago, she’d been bold enough to push me down, but now she was waiting anxiously for my answer, twisting her fingers together.
I was momentarily thrown off by the contrast, but I still looked at Elis closely, just as I’d said I would.
I think she’s beautiful, and I think she’s cute, too.
If a girl like this were at university, she’d definitely never be left alone. I’m sure a horde of unscrupulous guys would swarm her, and she’d undoubtedly become the talk of the campus.
Even so—
“Rintaro…?”
Perhaps worried by my silence as I just stared at her, Eris’s expression clouded over. I had to answer quickly.
“No, wait, sorry. I really do think you’re… cute.”
“…!”
“But—”
Suddenly, my eyes fell on a photo frame sitting on the desk.
In the picture was the old Ellis, standing next to me with a face that looked like she was about to cry.
A girl who was hiding her face a little behind her bangs, looking at me timidly.
Seeing that, I realized what had been bothering me.
“—You’ve always been cute, haven’t you? You’ve always been.”
“~~~~~~!!!!!!”
When I said that, Ellis let out a silent scream and covered her face with both hands.
“Um, Ellis?”
“That’s not fair…”
Her cheeks, visible through the gaps between her fingers, were bright red.
Even her ears were red. She was so obviously flustered that it was hard to believe she was the same girl who had been saying just a moment ago that she wouldn’t let me get away.
“That side of you, Rintaro, is really unfair…!”
“Huh… You’re the one who said it?”
“I didn’t tell you to go that far!”
It’s unfair.
It’s unfair, but looking at Ellis with her face bright red as she looks down, I lose the will to complain.
Maybe because she’s not used to being complimented, the way she blushes so easily at just one word from me and doesn’t know what to do is just the same as it always was.
It seems Ellis hasn’t changed completely after all.
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