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https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051598917319858/episodes/2912051599011628664
It became the most precious photo in my room.
When I displayed it on my desk, it felt like Rintaro was always right there with me.
But because I was trying so hard not to cry in the photo… I don’t look very cute.
Every time I looked at it, I wished I’d tried harder to look cuter.
If we take another photo next time, I want to be a cuter version of myself.
So I decided to do my best to become cuter.
Ever since Rintaro left, I’ve been getting through each day by clinging to the letters he sent me.
About school in Japan. About the uniforms. About my class. About how things are a little harder to handle compared to Germany. Every time I opened an envelope, I was so happy it made my chest ache, and I read them over and over again.
I wrote him lots of replies, too.
I wanted to write about how lonely I was, how much I wanted to see him soon, how I’d been looking at his photo again today… I wanted to write all those whiny things, but I didn’t want him to think I was being a burden, so I’d write them down and then erase them all.
I didn’t want him to feel like he was doing his best in Japan while I was the only one left behind.
Long-distance relationships are tough.
I wonder how other couples manage to hold back their overflowing feelings.
A letter arrives from Rintaro.
I write a reply.
Until the next letter arrives, I study Japanese while looking at his photo.
That alone was enough to get me through each day.
But little by little, the gaps between letters grew longer.
At first it was once a week, then every two weeks, then once a month, and eventually, even as the seasons changed, they stopped arriving more and more often.
Every time I came home from school, I’d check the mailbox… but there was nothing there.
I’d go back to my room and look at the photo on my desk.
Even though I knew so many of Rintaro’s expressions, before I knew it, the first face that came to mind was the one in that photo.
“…He’s just busy, right?”
I said it out loud, trying to convince myself.
I figured school in Japan must be tough. He’s probably going through all kinds of struggles, just like when he first came to Germany, right? He’s probably doing his best to adjust to that new life, isn’t he?
It’s okay, I understand.
After all, Rintaro has his own life to live.
So I cut back on writing letters too. I didn’t want him to think I was rushing him for a reply. I didn’t want him to think I was a lonely girl. I didn’t want to get in Rintaro’s way.
That’s how I held back.
But… one day, the letters finally stopped coming.
I thought something was wrong.
Rintaro would never break a promise. After all, he’s such a kind person.
“I wonder why?”
I desperately tried to figure out the reason.
As I racked my brain, I looked at the photo on my desk, and then I realized.
“I’m not cute.”
My eyes were puffy from crying, I wasn’t smiling—I wasn’t cute at all.
Oh, I see. That’s why Rintaro forgot about me.
Because I wasn’t cute, he couldn’t bring himself to remember me even once in his new life. If I had been more… more, more, more, more, more attractive—if I had been so captivating that I was burned into his memory and wouldn’t let go—he wouldn’t have forgotten me.
The moment I thought that, a chill ran deep through my chest.
Even though I was sad, somehow I found myself accepting it.
Rintaro isn’t to blame. It’s my fault for not being charming enough.
Rintaro isn’t to blame. It’s my fault for not being charming enough.
Rintaro isn’t to blame. It’s my fault for not being charming enough.
Rintaro isn’t to blame. It’s my fault for not being charming enough.
Rintaro isn’t to blame. It’s my fault for not being attractive enough.
Rintaro isn’t to blame. It’s my fault for not being attractive enough.
Then it’s simple.
I just need to become cuter, I just need to become prettier.
Enough that Rintaro can’t forget me, enough that he can’t take his eyes off me even if he wants to, enough that he won’t want to let me go…!
I stand in front of the mirror and try to smile.
No, that’s not right.
I try smiling again.
Still not right. No, no, no, no, no, no.
I can’t have a face like the one in that photo.
I have to be cuter, much cuter…!
From then on, I worked desperately hard to become cute. At the same time, I studied Japanese. Since Rintaro’s dad was still in Germany, he taught me pronunciation, idioms, and things about Japanese schools.
In the middle of all that, I couldn’t help myself and asked him a little about Rintaro. Apparently, he wasn’t fitting in well at his Japanese school and was having a really hard time.
“I’m sorry, Ellis-chan. He’s going through puberty, so I think he’s just embarrassed to talk to a cute girl like you.”
“Don’t worry about it, Father”
“Compared to him, you’re doing great, Ellis-chan. Studying so hard.”
“No, this isn’t nearly enough.”
When I answered that, father smiled, looking a little troubled.
But he didn’t deny it.
That made me happy. He really is Rintaro’s father.
Because I didn’t want anyone to deny it.
That I was trying to go back to Rintaro’s side.
That I was trying to become a girl Rintaro would never forget.
At first, I’d planned to visit him once I was an adult.
Once I’d properly prepared myself, made sure I wouldn’t be a burden to Rintaro, and could hold my head high when I saw him.
But I realized that would be too late.
If I waited, the me inside Rintaro’s heart would truly become just a girl in a photograph.
A girl he used to be close with back in Germany. A girl who took a photo with a face that looked like she was about to cry.
A girl he was close with, but who’s no longer necessary in his current life.
I don’t want that.
I didn’t want to just be a memory.
I want it all. The past, the future—everything.
I want to be by Rintaro’s side and stay with him until the end.
That’s why I decided to go to college in Japan.
Just as Rintaro starts his new life, I’ll join him there… so he can get to know the whole me.
★ ☆ ★
And today is the day I’m reunited with Rintaro.
The moment the front door opened and Rintaro stood right in front of me, my heart grew warm.
It wasn’t a photo or a letter. The real Rintaro was looking at me.
He’d grown a little taller.
His voice had deepened.
His features looked much more mature than they used to.
But it was Rintaro.
“…Rintaro.”
When I called his name, Rintaro looked at me with surprise.
The moment I saw his face, I couldn’t hold back any longer.
I let go of my suitcase and threw myself into Rintaro’s arms.
I wrapped my arms around him. I held him tight.
As if to confirm that he was really here.
“I’m home… I’m finally back. Right here by your side, Rintaro.”
When I said that, Rintaro’s body stiffened slightly, and a moment later, his heartbeat quickened.
Just like that, just like that, I’ll make your heart race even more.
Until I’ve… carved every part of me into you.
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