Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051603008595869
The reason going to school feels like such a chore the day after a breakup isn’t so much the breakup itself as the hassle of dealing with the aftermath.
I have to run into the person I liked.
I have to interact with their partner just as I always have.
Every single action that used to come naturally now takes on extra meaning.
Take going to school every morning, for example.
“Good morning, Yuto.”
“……Good morning.”
A few minutes after leaving home.
At our usual intersection, Kotonoha was waiting for me.
It’s a scene we’ve repeated since elementary school.
Until now, I’d never questioned walking side by side with her, but today, for some reason, it feels like this isn’t where I belong.
“Did you make it home okay yesterday?”
“I’m not a kid—of course I did.”
“It’s just that you seemed a little down.”
“I was just tired before my part-time job.”
When I answered that, Kotonoha seemed to accept it without question.
We’ve known each other for so long, so she knows everything about me.
That’s not true.
Kotonoha , who hadn’t noticed my feelings even after five years of being right beside me, and me, who hadn’t noticed her feelings even after five years of being right beside her.
It seems the title of “childhood friends” wasn’t as all-encompassing as I’d thought.
“So, starting today, Ren-kun will be coming to school with us too.”
“Oh, really?”
A dull heaviness settled in the pit of my stomach.
“It’s okay, right?”
There wasn’t a shred of malice in those words—no intention to exclude me.
Kotonoha genuinely believed the three of us could get along just as well as we always had.
“I’m going ahead today. I’m on duty.”
“Is that right?”
“She suddenly asked me to take her place yesterday.”
Of course, that was a lie.
Before Kotonoha could say anything, I started walking away as if fleeing.
People who’ve lost in love become good at lying.
That’s because, to avoid ruining the relationship we had until yesterday, I have to put on a neutral face and string together casual words.
When I arrived at the classroom, the students were still sparse.
After setting my bag down at my desk, I looked over at Himuro’s desk in the next row.
She wasn’t there—even though she’s usually the first one to arrive at school.
Yesterday, Himuro had asked me for advice on confessing her feelings, and we’d spent nearly an hour strategizing together.
The plan was to confess in the student council room after school.
No unnecessary embellishments or roundabout theatrics—just honestly convey the feelings she’d been holding onto all this time.
It wasn’t so much that I suggested it as it was that Himuro had pretty much decided everything herself.
All I did—as the guy a perfect beauty had come to for relationship advice—was read through the confession letter she’d rewritten countless times and
“Wouldn’t it get across better if you made it shorter?”
—that was the only condescending advice I offered.
Even though I’d never even been able to confess my own feelings.
Soon, the start of class approached, and Himuro walked into the classroom.
She looked as flawless as ever, but the moment she passed by my desk, she paused ever so slightly.
“Good morning, Kasugai-kun.”
“Good morning. It’s finally happening, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
Himuro pressed her hand lightly to her chest.
“Thank you for yesterday.”
“I didn’t do anything special.”
“No. If I’d been thinking about it alone, I’d probably still be rewriting that confession letter right now.”
“Are you still nervous?”
“……Just a little.”
Himuro’s profile as she said that looked much softer than it had yesterday.
Students who only knew her as she usually was might think she was a completely different person.
“If it’s President Kuze, I’m sure he’ll give you a serious answer.”
“So you’re not saying it’ll work out, are you?”
“It’d be irresponsible to get your hopes up for no reason.”
“You really are a kind person, Kasugai-kun.”
She’d said the same thing yesterday.
But as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing less trustworthy than being called “kind.”
As a result of standing by Kotonoha’s side all the time, granting her every request, and behaving in a way that wouldn’t make her dislike me, I’ve been completely ruled out as a romantic prospect.
Maybe “kind guy” is just a euphemism for “convenient guy.”
“Unlike me, Himuro actually expresses her feelings. No matter what happens, I don’t think things can stay the same as they were until yesterday.”
“Please don’t say such unlucky things.”
“Sorry.”
“But… you’re right.”
Himuro slipped a white envelope into his desk.
“It’s much better than doing nothing and having someone else take the president position away from me.”
For me—who’d let the position be snatched away by someone else without even trying—those words really hit home.
Still, I smiled and gave her a pat on the back.
“Good luck.”
“Yes. I’ll give you good news after school.”
As it turned out, she didn’t keep that promise.
After school.
Himuro summoned President Kuze to the student council room and confessed her feelings.
I wasn’t there because I had a part-time job.
Still, I found out what had happened on my way to work.
“Hey, did you hear? Apparently, President Kuze has a girlfriend.”
“And she’s from another school, too.”
“They’ve been dating since middle school.”
The conversation among the female students walking in front of the station caught my ear whether I wanted it to or not.
I stopped in my tracks.
I’d never once heard that President Kuze had a girlfriend. Even Himuro, a student council member, surely wouldn’t have known.
I immediately pulled out my smartphone, but there was no message from Himuro.
I hesitated over whether I should reach out to him, but in the end, I didn’t send anything.
Right after a failed confession, it would probably be awkward for him to be worried about me—especially from a guy he’d barely even spoken to.
Besides, even I wanted to be alone yesterday.
Other people’s kindness can sometimes feel like a finger probing an open wound.
That day, Himuro didn’t come to the shop.
The next day, things in the classroom were back to normal.
When I passed President Kuze in the hallway, I bowed to him just as I always had, and I participated in Student duties as usual.
Even between us, we never brought up the confession.
I figured that was what Himuro wanted.
So I didn’t ask him anything either.
However, on Friday—three days after the confession—
A single customer walked into “Anemone,” with just thirty minutes left until closing time.
The doorbell rang out through the quiet shop.
“Welcome.”
I looked up reflexively and was speechless.
Standing at the entrance was Himuro.
But she looked different from her usual self.
Her long black hair was slightly disheveled, and the ribbon on her uniform was slightly askew. She had faint dark circles under her eyes and was clutching her student council bag.
“Are you still open?”
“Just thirty minutes left.”
“Then, I’d like a cup of tea, please.”
Himuro sat down at the same counter seat as before.
Without asking any questions, I brewed the tea and set it down in front of her.
“Thank you.”
Himuro held the cup in both hands but made no move to take a sip.
Only the second hand of the clock seemed to tick unnaturally loudly.
“…You’re not going to ask me anything, are you?”
“Do you want me to ask?”
“I don’t know.”
It was an uncharacteristic response for Himuro.
“Everyone is concerned about me. They say it can’t be helped since President Kuze had a girlfriend. They say that someone like you, Himuro, will find an even better man. That things will definitely work out next time.”
“That’s a common line of comfort.”
“Yes. Everyone says it with good intentions.”
Himuro’s fingers gripped the cup’s handle tightly.
“That’s why I hate myself for getting so angry.”
“……I see.”
“It’s not as if there’s nothing I can do about it. For three years, I’ve had eyes only for the President. I joined the student council because I believed that if I worked hard, I could stand by his side. In my studies and my work, I just wanted to earn the President’s approval…”
Her voice was trembling slightly.
“And yet, there was never any place for me to fit in from the very beginning.”
She wasn’t regretting having confessed.
Himuro had surely lost, all at once, everything that had been supporting her until yesterday.
Her hope that her efforts would be rewarded, and her vision of a future where she stood beside the person she loved.
“Kasugai-kun.”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll never fall in love again.”
Himuro spoke the words she had foreshadowed.
“The more I fall for someone, the more miserable I feel when I lose. I don’t want to waste any more time on something like that.”
“I get it.”
When I replied, Himuro looked up for the first time.
“You understand?”
“Because I lost, too.”
I’d never intended to tell anyone this before.
Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to offer Himuro any hollow words of comfort right now.
“Kotonoha started dating Ren, right? I’d always liked Kotonoha.”
“……You liked Mizuse-san?”
“For about five years.”
“Did you confess?”
“No. It ended without me doing anything.”
Himuro’s eyes widened.
“Even so, Kasugai-kun, you were acting completely normal until yesterday…”
“Himuro, you’re the same, aren’t you?”
After a brief silence, the corners of Himuro’s mouth turned up slightly.
“Does that mean we’re two of a kind?”
“Himuro, you actually put up a fight. You’re more admirable than I am.”
“Ranking each other as losers is just hollow.”
“You’re right about that.”
We looked at each other and laughed, neither of us knowing who started it.
It wasn’t that we were happy.
It was just that the situation was so hopeless, we had no choice but to laugh.
Himuro finally took a sip of her tea.
“It’s gotten a little cold.”
“We’ve been talking for a while. Should I make some more?”
“No. This is fine.”
She stayed at the shop until closing time.
We didn’t talk about love.
She just spoke in fits and starts about the things she liked about Chairman Kuze and the words he said when he rejected her confession.
I also shared a few memories I had with Kotoha.
Neither of us offered comfort, nor did we encourage each other to move on.
What someone needs right after a defeat isn’t the right words.
It’s a place where you can leave your ugly lingering feelings exactly as they are.
“Well, see you next week.”
After closing time.
Himuro said that in front of the shop.
“Are you coming back?”
“Did I bother you?”
“No. I’m grateful for more customers, though.”
“In that case, there’s no problem.”
Himuro took a few steps and then turned back.
“Kasugai-kun.”
“What?”
“As for the fact that Mizuse-san didn’t choose you… to be honest, I just don’t get it.”
“Isn’t that a bit too much favoritism toward your own kind?”
“As a fellow loser, I was just evaluating the situation objectively.”
After saying that, Himuro finally headed home.
As I watched her back disappear into the distance, I noticed that a slight weight had lifted from my chest.
Himuro probably felt the same way.
At the time, that’s how simply I thought about it.
So, naturally, I didn’t notice.
I didn’t notice that starting the following week, Himuro began coming to the shop almost every day.
I didn’t notice that she got into the habit of checking my shift before placing her order.
And I didn’t notice that, little by little, she was spending more time asking me questions about myself than she did talking about Chairman Kuze.
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