Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051603008595869
There’s one thing I want to say to the world.
In matters of love, the losers aren’t just the ones who confessed their feelings and got rejected.
Those who lost the right to be by someone’s side without ever being able to say “I love you” are also true losers.
In fact, since they couldn’t even step onto the playing field and were forced to watch the winner being hoisted aloft from the stands, their situation might be even more hopeless.
Why did I come to such a gloomy conclusion?
The reason is simple.
I—Yuto Kasugai—have, as of today, been defeated in a five-year-long one-sided crush.
“Yuto. Do you have a little time after school?”
It was during lunch break that day.
My childhood friend, Kotonoha Mizuse, stood in front of my desk, clasped her hands over her chest, and said,
Kotonoha and I have known each other since before we started elementary school.
Our houses are close, and our parents get along well. I’ve lost count of how many times we walked to and from school together, and it wasn’t uncommon for us to have dinner at each other’s houses.
Although we’ve spent less time together since starting high school, Kotonoha has always turned to me when she’s in trouble, and I’ve always accepted that as a matter of course.
So when she called me out after school like that,
It would have been impossible not to get my hopes up.
“I’ve got time, though.”
“Great. Then I’ll be waiting for you in the backyard after school.”
Kotonoha smiled as if relieved and returned to her seat.
As I watched her walk away, my heart was pounding embarrassingly hard.
Could it be?
No, there’s no way something that convenient could happen.
Still, there probably aren’t that many reasons she’d go out of her way to call me to a deserted spot after school.
During class, as I stared at the equations on the blackboard, I thought of about three possible responses if Kotonoha confessed to me.
The first was to be genuinely happy.
The second was to act cool and tease her a little.
The third was to get so overwhelmed that I’d cry.
Naturally, I vowed firmly to avoid that third option at all costs.
Looking back, I think it was a truly happy time.
Until the very moment of defeat, people can imagine the future with boundless freedom.
After school.
As I waited in front of the small flower bed behind the school building, Kotonoha came running up.
“Sorry, did you have to wait?”
“No, you just got here.”
I’d actually been there for fifteen minutes, but there was no need to be honest about that.
Kotonoha took a single deep breath and looked up at me, looking nervous.
“I wanted you to be the first to hear this, Yuto.”
“Oh.”
My heartbeat grew louder than ever.
Kotonoha’s cheeks flushed red as she smiled happily.
“I’m going to start dating Takamiya-kun.”
The subject and predicate of what she said were completely different from what I’d imagined.
For a moment, I couldn’t process what she’d just said.
Ren Takamiya.
A boy in my class and the star player on the soccer team.
He’s cheerful, good-looking, and a popular guy who treats everyone equally.
And he’s also my best friend.
“Yesterday, Takamiya-kun confessed his feelings to me.”
“……I see.”
“Yeah. I’ve actually had a little crush on him for a while, too.”
Kotonoha shyly tucked her hair behind her ear.
I recognized that gesture.
Whenever something made her happy, Kotonoha would always touch the hair on her right side.
It’s precisely because we’re childhood friends that I could tell.
That she’s truly happy right now.
“I knew you’d be the first to support me, Yuto.”
It was an innocent trust.
I would congratulate them.
I wouldn’t get in their way.
I’d remain her childhood friend, just as I always have.
The trust Kotonoha has in me is something I’ve built up over the past five years.
I never told her I liked her, but I was always there to listen and stayed by her side.
I was afraid of losing my comfortable position as her childhood friend, so I didn’t dare take any risks.
And this is the result.
“Congratulations.”
I smiled.
At least, I thought I was smiling.
“Ren’s a good guy, and I think he’s a good match for Kotonoha.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You two are perfect for each other.”
“I’m so relieved… I was worried about what I’d do if you objected, Yuto.”
“I’m not your guardian, so I don’t have the right to object.”
“But you’re special to me, Yuto.”
It felt as if someone had carefully carved deep into my chest with a dull blade.
Kotonoha meant no harm.
That’s exactly why there was nothing I could do.
I’m special to her.
But it was the kind of “special” that doesn’t make me her boyfriend.
“Come to think of it, let’s go somewhere together as a trio sometime. Takamiya-kun said he wants to stay friends with Yuto just like before, too.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Okay. You have to, though.”
Kotonoha walked away with a light step.
I was left alone in front of the flower bed.
Since I hadn’t even confessed yet, it wasn’t like I’d been rejected.
Since I didn’t know how Kotonoha felt, it wasn’t like she’d been taken away from me either.
Still, my five years came to an end in just a few minutes.
“…I lost.”
As I spoke those words in a place where no one was around, they alone echoed strangely clearly in my ears.
※ ※ ※
That day, I headed to my part-time job an hour earlier than usual.
“Anemone,” a coffee shop on the outskirts of a residential neighborhood, sees fewer customers come evening.
The manager had asked me to tidy up the storage room, so I mindlessly stacked cardboard boxes.
As long as I kept moving, I could avoid thinking about unnecessary things.
That way, I wouldn’t have to imagine Kotoha and Ren walking hand in hand, or myself forcing a smile between them.
Or so I thought.
“Kasugai-kun.”
One hour before closing.
Called by a familiar voice, I looked up from behind the counter.
Standing at the entrance was Rena Himuro.
With long black hair and delicate, well-defined features, she wore her school uniform impeccably—a flawless beauty befitting her title as vice president of the student council.
We’re in the same class, but we’ve hardly ever spoken properly.
“Himuro? What are you doing here?”
“I heard that you work here, Kasugai-kun.”
“Did you come all the way here just to see me?”
“Yes. There’s something I’d like to discuss with you.”
Himuro glanced around the shop, made sure there were no other customers, and then sat down at a counter seat.
In her hand, she was clutching a white envelope.
It was a letter that was carefully sealed—one that looked special at first glance.
“From a man’s perspective, you’re someone I can trust, Kasugai-kun.”
“We’ve hardly ever spoken, have we?”
“I’ve heard a lot about you from Mizuse-san. She says you’re kind, discreet, and hopelessly clueless about women’s hearts.”
“Do you really need that last bit?”
“I thought it might serve as proof that you’re discreet.”
Himuro, his expression serious, placed the white envelope on the counter.
On the front of the envelope was written the name of the student council president, Kyosuke Kuse.
“I’m planning to confess my feelings to President Kuse tomorrow.”
Rena Himuro is a flawlessly beautiful girl, famous throughout the school.
She has the top grades in her grade. She’s stunningly beautiful and deeply trusted by the teachers.
Is there any boy who could possibly turn down a confession from a girl like her?
“So, what do you want to ask me about?”
“The place and the words I should use. I’d like to hear a guy’s opinion.”
“Am I the right person for this?”
“Because you wouldn’t give advice that would hurt the girl, Kasugai-kun.”
I had just lost the girl I liked today.
To be asked for advice by a girl trying to make her romance a reality on a day like this—it was the height of irony.
But I didn’t even think of turning her down.
Just because I’d lost didn’t mean someone else’s romance had to fail too.
“All right. If I can be of help.”
“Thank you.”
Himuro smiled, looking relieved.
It was a gentle smile, appropriate for her age—one I’d never seen in the classroom.
At that moment, I took it for granted.
that Rena Himuro’s confession would succeed.
I hadn’t even imagined that she—who was so perfect—would end up on the same side as me.
Let alone that a few days later,
she—heartbroken—would be sitting at the same table in this café, sipping tea,
and declare,
“I’ll never fall in love again.”
At that moment, I had no way of knowing.
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