Episode 12 – I don’t know, and I don’t know

Source

https://kakuyomu.jp/works/822139845923627658/episodes/2912051595728293330

Once again today, Mashiro sat next to me, looking thoroughly miserable.

It was already late at night, yet she showed no sign of wanting to go home.

“Kensuke really is the worst. Making me feel this miserable… What right does he have to still be living a normal life? Isn’t he serving a prison sentence? Until he breathes his last, of course.”

“I want to punch myself for thinking it was merciful that I wasn’t sentenced to death…”

“I won’t let you die that easily. I want to lock you up in a solitary cell until you actually wish to die yourself.”

“So the death penalty is actually more merciful… Just kill me already.”

There’s not a trace of that meekness in Mashiro right now.

There’s no opening for me to be assertive either…

“Anyway, I don’t really care, and I’m just using what I heard from Yae to kill some time.”

“What’s with that preamble?”

“…I hear you put off another girl’s confession again, Kensuke. Playing the field like some big shot? Whatever it is, it’s absolutely despicable.”

“W-well, I can’t say a word against that…”

Mashiro sighs, as if to make a point.

“First of all, what really pisses me off is that he’s not accepting the confession, nor is he rejecting it—he’s just putting it on hold. He wants time to think? What on earth does Kensuke have to think about? To begin with, Kensuke is just a human who got completely crushed in the very first field of thought where AI advanced—the one humans were supposed to be best at. Ah, he’s not even human anymore, is he? Poor thing. Not that I feel sorry for him, though.”

“Don’t go on and on with such sharp insults. I’ll die from an overdose of sarcasm.”

“……I just don’t like it. After doing all that to me… and sleeping with me… twice…”

Mashiro crossed her legs and cleared her throat.

She glanced at me hesitantly, then lowered her voice and said,

“……W-why are you putting it off? Answer me.”

Mashiro looked at me cautiously, as if testing the waters.

“W-why, you ask……”

“Well, isn’t she a cute girl? That girl, Sayuri, who confessed to someone like you, Kensuke.”

“I suppose so……”

“She’s got a reputation for being kind, and she seems popular with the opposite sex too… Not jumping at the chance to be confessed to by a girl like that… well, that’s… not really like you, Kensuke.”

True, Mashiro was right.

But, that’s…

“Wait, Mashiro, you knew about Awara san, didn’t you?”

“…Huh?”

“She’s in a different class, so I don’t think we’ve had any contact until now.”

“Huh?! W-well… y-yes! I heard it from Yae! From Yae! Come on, aren’t I curious? About what kind of girl confessed to Kensuke…”

“Hm? Curious?”

“Hah! I’m n-not curious at all! There’s no way I’d be curious, right?! Yeah, there’s no way I’d be curious. I’m not curious at all. What do you mean, ‘curious’? I don’t know. Yeah, I don’t know.”

“There it is, Mashiro’s self-contained logic…”

At this point, there’s no room for me to get involved.

“…So, what’s the deal? Why are you putting it on hold…? Answer me already, you idiot Kensuke.”

Mashiro muttered, her voice trailing off.

The reason I’m putting it on hold is obvious: Mashiro just keeps popping into my head.

My impression of Mashiro has changed quite a bit from how I used to see her.

And even if it was just a result of us butting heads, I’ve still ended up sleeping with her twice.

That’s exactly why I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about Mashiro.

But I can’t confess that reason to Mashiro.

“Why are you being so quiet… Hurry up and tell me.”

—So, I have no choice but to probe.

“Well, let me ask you this instead: why do you want to know why I’m putting it on hold, Mashiro?”

“Huh! W-well… It’s just to kill time, I guess…”

“For that, aren’t you being a bit too persistent? Doesn’t that mean you’re actually pretty curious?”

“N-no, not really… I mean, I’m only asking this much because you won’t say anything, so I don’t think that means I’m actually curious about it?”

“Then I’ll rephrase the question. Why are you so angry, Mashiro?”

“Huh!! I’m not angry at all. I’m always like this, aren’t I?”

“But you did say you were annoyed and irritated, didn’t you? About me grinning after getting confessed to. And right in front of you, too.”

“……Well, I might have said that. But…”

“Doesn’t that mean you’re actually jealous of Awara san?”

“Huh!!! I’m telling you, there’s no way I’m jealous⁉ To begin with, the premise is that I…”

“Aren’t you angry because you care about me, at least a little bit?”

“!!!”

Mashiro’s cheeks flushed red, and she backed away, trying to put some distance between us.

But I closed the gap and asked again, as if to drive the point home.

“Hey, Mashiro, why are you mad?”

“Wait… Kensuke… Give it a rest…”

“Just answer me. I really want to know…”

“I told you… Give it a rest…!!”

“Gah!”

Mashiro kicked me down with her right foot, turning the tables.

She placed both hands beside my face and positioned herself as if to push me down.

“Mashiro…”

It was strikingly similar to the situation that day when I’d pinned Mashiro down for the first time.

Except that we were upside down, the strange tension was the same, and there was even a faint warmth in the air.

Mashiro’s lustrous black hair fell across my face.

Amidst the sound of her shallow breathing, Mashiro glared at me and coldly snapped,

“Don’t you dare act all tough. —You won’t answer my questions, yet you’re making me feel this way.”

There was no shyness or hesitation in her words; it was her true feelings laid bare.

“……I’m going home.”

Mashiro walked out of the living room, just like yesterday.

Left alone, I covered my face and muttered to myself.

“Seriously, what’s going on… I just don’t get it anymore.”

   ▽   ▽   ▽

The next day, during break.

Lost in thought, I walked down the hallway facing the outside.

There were two days left until Friday, when I’d promised to give Awara-san an answer.

Honestly, making her wait any longer would be way too dishonest in response to her confession.

That said, I’ve actually come to understand Mashiro even less…

Just as I was thinking that, a familiar figure approached from the direction I was heading.

“Oh, Kita-kun. What a coincidence.”

“Huh! W-what a coincidence… Awara-san.”

Since she’s waiting for my answer, it feels a little awkward.

I’m still in the middle of figuring out what to do, after all.

“Heading to class now?”

“No, just… taking a walk? Sort of?”

“Taking a walk during break… You’re weird, Kita-kun. Oh, sorry. Am I weird? Hmm… Oh, that’s actually kind of funny.”

“My thought process just shows on my face, doesn’t it…”

When I said that, Awara-san chuckled softly.

She’s usually so kind, but maybe she’s actually a bit of a space cadet.

We exchanged some light small talk, enveloped in a warm atmosphere, when suddenly I felt a chill from behind.

“—You two seem to get along quite well.”

A voice as cold as ice.

When I turned around, there stood Mashiro with a stern expression.

Mashiro glanced at me and then stood directly in front of Awara san.

“Hello. Nice to meet you. My name is Kamikurokawa Mashiro. You’re Awara Sayuri, right?”

“Ah, yes. Hello. Nice to meet you. I’m Awara Sayuri.”

Awara san gave a slight bow.

Mashiro crossed her arms over her chest and began to scrutinize Awara san from head to toe.

“…………Hmm.”

What’s with that “hmm”?

“So you’re Awara Sayuri, huh…”

A sense of tension begins to hang in the air.

I have a bad feeling about this.

I don’t know why, but Mashiro is really pissed off that I got confessed to by Awara san and was grinning like an idiot…

“H-hey, Mashiro. Let’s cut it out…”

“—There’s just one thing I’d like to ask,”

Interrupting as if I didn’t even matter, Mashiro blurted out.

“What exactly did you like about Kensuke that made you ask him out?”

Caught off guard by the unexpected question, I was momentarily dumbfounded.

However, Awara san maintained a gentle smile as she looked Mashiro straight in the eye.

“Hmm… there are lots of reasons, but I guess… it’s that hopeless kindness he has—the way he always ends up doing things that stand out but never get anyone’s praise.”

Awara san’s words struck me right in the heart.

“As a member of the Beautification Committee, ever since Kita-kun was a freshman, he’s been doing all the stuff everyone assumes ‘someone else will do’—like organizing supplies, doing maintenance, and taking out the trash.”

“‘Someone else will do it,’ huh.”

“You know, being on the Cleanliness Committee is a hassle, and nobody really wants to do it, right? So there are people who don’t do any work at all. Whenever that happened, Kita kun would always step in without saying a word… but in the end, nobody ever praised him for it. Even so, he always looked like he couldn’t rest until he’d done it.”

“Isn’t that just Kensuke burning with that ‘low-ranking underling’ mentality where he can’t say no?”

“Hmm… Maybe you’re right.”

“That’s not it.”

—Actually, it was definitely Mashiro who instilled that underling mentality in him.

“People overflowing with that kind of hopeless kindness always end up getting the short end of the stick, don’t they? But somehow, I found that incredibly endearing… I thought it was wonderful.”

“Awara-san…”

To think she felt that way about me…

“That’s about it, I guess. Hehe. I suppose it’s one of those things that takes a long time to explain.”

“…I see.”

Mashiro and Awara san lock eyes.

For a moment, it feels as though they’re exchanging something beyond words, and that moment lingers,

“…………Thank you for telling me.”

Mashiro said only that, turned on her heel without even glancing at me, and walked away.

Awara-san also looked at her watch and, exclaiming, “Oh, I have to change!” hurried off toward the locker room.

And I was left alone in the connecting hallway.

“W-what was that just now…”

I found myself even more confused about Mashiro.

   ▽   ▽   ▽

A day passed.

Thursday night, 11:00 PM.
I’m finally supposed to give Awara-san an answer to my confession tomorrow, but…

“…What should I do?”

I still didn’t understand Mashiro. In fact, I’d say I understood her even less now.

Ever since Mashiro and Awar-san talked in the connecting hallway, Mashiro had become somewhat quieter, and she hadn’t directed any hostility toward me.

She didn’t come over to my place today, and come to think of it, we’ve barely spoken.

If I were to think only about Awara-san, I’m sure I’d be happy if we dated. There’s no lie in that.

It’s just… while I’ve thought Awara-san was cute, to be honest, I’ve never really felt like I liked her… no, wait, I am attracted to her as a girl… but still, I just can’t separate her from Mashiro…

“…………”

My response to Awara san’s confession.

My feelings toward Mashiro, my emotions, what Mashiro is thinking…

“Ah… No way. I don’t get it at all…”

Thinking about it any more at home won’t get me anywhere.

With that thought, I suddenly decided to go to a place I used to visit often.

That place I always went to whenever I had something on my mind.

I left the house and walked a short distance.

Passing through the park where I used to play with Mashiro, I arrived at the edge of a dense forest and climbed the stairs next to a house with a red roof.

After a while, I emerged into an open space.

A modest lookout point offering a panoramic view of the small town.

And there—she was there too.

“……Mashiro ?”

Mashiro turned around, her lustrous black hair flowing behind her.

“Kensuke……”

Our eyes definitely met.

—I had a feeling that something was about to happen. 

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