Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/822139843121925685/episodes/822139844267562365
[Karen Side]
“Sen…pai…”
I buried my face in the pillow and murmured.
In the dimly lit room, Senpai’s words echoed repeatedly in my mind.
[—I want the three of you to forget about me, find ordinary happiness, and live ordinary lives.]
…It’s impossible.
I forced Senpai to suffer unbearably… And I, who couldn’t do anything… I have no right to live normally.
I have to live my life atoning for my sins, without ever thinking about my own happiness.
—But still.
“Why… why… does my heart race so much when I think about Senpai…?”
Placing my hand over my chest, I could clearly feel it pounding.
The more I thought about Senpai, the sweeter my brain melted, and an indescribable, restless feeling took hold of my entire body.
I’m a sinner, and I couldn’t do anything when Senpai was suffering…
――Yet I ended up falling for Senpai.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
I must forget these feelings.
But no matter how hard I try… no matter how much I try, they won’t fade.
“Why… why…?”
I tried to drown out the overflowing feelings for Senpai with pain.
So I dug my nails into my own arm again and again.
“Ugh…”
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts…
Even though it hurts.
—Why does my heart still keep racing…?
“Ah… Why…?”
There’s no way it should be allowed for someone like me to fall for Senpai.
I kept digging my nails in for hours.
Enduring the pain… for hours.
But… no matter how hard I tried, my feelings for Senpai wouldn’t fade.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… For someone like me to fall for you, Senpai… I’m truly… sorry…”
All strength drained from my body as I muttered apologies over and over.
I no longer knew why I was apologizing, or to whom… but I couldn’t keep my sanity without doing this.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
I kept apologizing, countless times.
—But, in the end.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I… I think… I like you, Senpai…”
In the end, I couldn’t overcome my own desire.
The feelings I’d been holding back… burst forth like a dam had broken.
I love everything about Senpai.
I love Senpai’s sun-like smile when they’re happy. I love how cute it is when Senpai scratches their left cheek when they lie. I love how they play with their hair when deep in thought. I love how sensitive they are to our feelings, always noticing things. I love how they’ll help us no matter what. I love how they never give up. I even kinda like how Senpai grimaces painfully when we’re feeling down.
“I like you, I like you… I like you, I like you, I like you… Senpai, I love you so much…”
I hugged the nearby pillow tightly.
I shouldn’t be the one liking you… But I love everything about Senpai.
If I could hug Senpai like this, how happy would I be?
I’d probably be so happy I’d die…
“…Ah”
In the dimly lit room.
A tattered cross accessory came into view.
“Ah… ahhh… That’s right, someone like me being with Senpai… It’s absolutely impossible… I’m sorry…”
I bit my lip, summoning my reason back.
Inside her heart, reason and her feelings for Senpai began to clash.
I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I like you… I like you, I like you, I like you… I’m sorry, I like you, I’m sorry, I like you… I like you… I like you, I like you, I like you… I like you, I’m sorry, I like you…
“――I like you… Senpai, I like you…”
In the end, what won out… was my feelings for Senpai.
I grabbed the cross accessory.
And then――I slammed it onto the floor.
The accessory shattered into three pieces.
“…I’m sorry, Senpai. I’m so selfish… I guess I just can’t give up on these feelings…”
I decided to stop giving up on these feelings.
I’ll confess.
I’ll tell Senpai… about these feelings.
And then… if they shatter, these feelings should disappear too.
Ah… But if Senpai said yes… How incredibly happy that would be…
“—No, I can’t…”
Thinking it through carefully… That’s no good.
It’s fine for me to like Senpai and confess.
But… Making Senpai decide whether to date me is no good.
Because—you don’t know what I did to you, how great a sin I committed… You know nothing.
Even if you accepted my confession… it would be the same as deceiving you.
So—for you and I to be together—
“—There’s only one way… for you to remember all the lost memories…”
Saying it myself, I thought it was cruel.
After going through such a painful experience—they’d have to remember it all.
“…N-no… I have to… stop here…”
It’s absolutely better to forget that experience forever.
Making him remember for my selfish desires… it absolutely mustn’t happen.
I applied the brakes with my reason.
—But.
The feelings welling up inside me… reason couldn’t stop them.
“I like you… I like you… I want to tell you… Senpai…”
My chest hurt so much it made breathing difficult… I gripped the fabric at my chest tightly.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts… it hurts.
I don’t… want to hurt Senpai anymore.
If I truly put Senpai’s mental state first… this choice should be absolutely impossible.
――Why, why, why, why won’t I stop…?!
I don’t want to, I don’t want to hurt Senpai any more… but I like him.
I’m the worst. The absolute worst, ugly and despicable.
It’s despicable that I ended up liking him after doing such horrible things to Yu.
Logically, after doing something so awful, there’s no way he should accept me.
It’s despicable that I’m trying to hurt Yuu for my own desires.
It’s like piling sin upon sin. I already can’t make amends for what I’ve done… What am I doing, adding more guilt?
And then.
Above all else.
“—The fact that I just can’t give up on Yuu… is the worst.”
It hurts… it hurts so much.
Trying to give up on someone you love… is it supposed to be this painful?
Before I knew it, tears were spilling from my eyes, distorting my vision into a blurry mess.
I tried again and again to wipe them away with my hands, but the tears wouldn’t stop… soaking into the bed.
It felt like a lump of lead was stuck in my throat.
So, without thinking, I reached for my throat.
—If I just… died right here… right now… could Yuu and I both be happy?
That thought flashed through my mind.
Yeah, this worthless me should just die.
I should die before I pile on any more sins.
I reached both hands toward my neck.
Then, I remembered Senpai.
――‘I’ll save you, no matter what!’
The first image that came to mind… was Senpai, eyes brimming with light, trying to save us.
Trying to rescue us from that endless hell… I was so happy.
You were my only hope.
Truly… thank you, Senpai.
Goodbye.
I clenched my fists tightly.
And then.
“…It’s impossible. That’s impossible.”
All strength drained from my body, my hands hanging limply at my sides.
This life was saved by Senpai.
I couldn’t… kill it.
Besides, if I died, that would only cause Senpai pain.
Dying… was absolutely impossible.
…But then… what was I supposed to do?
I… didn’t understand anything.
—It was then.
—Ping
An email arrived.
I shifted my gaze to my phone—
〈—Karen-san, don’t you want to know about the secret Yuu is hiding from the three of you?〉
That was the message sent.
“…What does this mean?”
Even though it was clearly a suspicious email… I felt drawn to check it.
The sender was anonymous, and I had no idea how they knew my email.
But in exchange for revealing the truth, the sender made a request.
—Ask Yuu if he knows about the ‘All Heroines Death Ending’.
That was the request.
—◇—◇—◇—
After parting ways with Senpai.
〈As requested, I asked about the ‘All Heroines Die Ending’〉
I sent an email to that person, attaching the secretly recorded video as proof.
A reply came almost immediately.
〈Thank you. Thanks to you, I now know Yuu is a reincarnator and someone who knows about the game.〉
The game.
What… could that possibly mean?
Listening to this person… it seems there was something else behind why Yu helped us.
I… thought that was lucky.
If Yu helped us for calculated reasons beyond goodwill… then Yu’s death loops weren’t our fault.
If that’s the case… I won’t have to suffer from guilt anymore.
Above all else—I could confidently tell Senpai I liked him…!
To begin with, there’s no way we could have all died over ten thousand times.
Senpai must have had some kind of calculation.
Thinking that… my heart grew lighter.
—Ping
An email arrived again from that person.
〈—Well then, as promised, I’ll tell you the truth. I’ll send you an address. Please come there.〉
It came.
Finally… the truth will be revealed.
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