Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818622176550308690/episodes/16818792435503909008
After losing the match, I remember my mind going completely blank.
In the end…the score was 28-140. After that, instead of catching up, we just kept falling further behind.
In the final stretch, Team A’s players—they started mercilessly targeting the hole in our defense that was me.
My pointless taunting of Machida kun had completely backfired. Why did I say something like that? I regretted it now.
My teammates told me I did my best. Hideki and the other dodgeball club classmates praised me too, saying I fought hard.
But at that moment, I…
…just didn’t want to see Renka.
So before I knew it, I’d run away. Still wearing my uniform, I’d bolted outside the school building.
“…I’m such a loser.”
I ended up at the usual riverbank.
It was evening, just as the sun was starting to set. I sat there, hugging my knees, staring into space.
I wiped the sweat dripping down my cheek hard with the towel around my neck.
It felt just like that day.
I’ll never forget that day after school in late April.
On a whim, I went to pick up Renka…no, Fujisaki after club activities ended, only for her to tell me she “hated me.” To escape that reality, I’d fled to this riverbank back then too.
“Ah, damn it…why am I such a loser…”
The match result was a crushing defeat.
Even though Fujisaki cheered me on with everything she had, I completely betrayed her feelings.
…It wasn’t just Fujisaki. Sena, Hideki, Nakajima kun, Kujou kun. Everyone in the class must have been disappointed in me. I played my heart out, yet in the end, I dragged the team down. Because of me, the score gap widened even more.
And yet, I—
“—There’s no way Renka would ever look at me like this…”
What the hell, I think.
So that’s what it comes down to.
Ah…I really am pathetic.
I convinced myself I’d moved on. I kept telling myself it was all over.
But in reality, look at me now.
I haven’t moved forward at all. In fact, I’ve only gotten more trapped in the past.
That day. Everything started when I overheard her talking.
[Akito…I absolutely hate that loser.]
Knowing her true feelings like that—I felt sorry. I blamed myself for being pathetic. I deeply regretted not realizing it sooner.
So at the very least, I thought I shouldn’t be a burden. I resolved to somehow become independent from her meddling.
Things were going smoothly up to that point.
[——-I absolutely hate Akito…!!]
A few days later.
She said it to my face. She clearly stated her feelings.
That was when I truly, deeply realized my first love was over. I remember losing all my energy after being so clearly rejected.
I didn’t want to get hurt anymore. Just as much as I didn’t want to bother her, I started wishing I didn’t have to be involved with her at all.
So I decided to put even more distance between us. Calling her by her last name was part of that declaration.
From that day on, I truly stopped talking to her.
We didn’t even exchange greetings, and I avoided her gaze. Surely, we’d just drift apart like strangers. I wouldn’t trouble her again, and I wouldn’t get hurt myself. I wouldn’t have to taste that pain ever again.
Thinking that, I felt completely at ease.
This is my new everyday life—I even felt a sense of positivity about it.
But.
That day in homeroom, when practice for the sports festival started.
The moment I saw Renka’s earnest profile, practicing hard for Sena’s sake.
Suddenly…it hit me.
I’d been covering up the feeling that sprouted then, all this time. Making excuses, lying even to myself.
—Truthfully, I knew from the start.
Why did I keep repeating those pointless practices?
Why did I struggle so desperately to win a match we couldn’t possibly win?
“—I still like Renka…”
I wanted to show her.
Fujisaki Renka. I wanted to show her me, doing well.
And—I wanted her to like me, even just a little.
I wanted to overturn her opinion of me, that she hated me. I wanted to redeem myself, even just a little.
That wish—so naive, so embarrassingly full of wishful thinking.
Foolishly, I held onto them.
“…Sorry, Fujisaki. For a loser like me being your childhood friend…”
Fujisaki Renka is the perfect beauty. Stunning looks, brilliant mind, flawless personality.
Meanwhile, I…Ayata Akito, have nothing going for me except being her childhood friend. A miserable loser.
I’d forever chase a love that could never be.
I told myself to forget her, yet I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
—Beyond the green hill, the sunset was about to dip below the horizon.
Come to think of it, what time was it now? I’d left my phone in the classroom, and I had no other way to check. …I really should head back to school soon. It’d be bad if they started searching for me.
“……I guess I’ll head back….”
In the muggy heat of early summer, only the steady chirping of insects filled the air.
Suddenly, a breeze blew. The grass and flowers at my feet swayed gently.
I staggered to my feet and turned with the wind. And then—
“——————….Akito……!!”
The dazzling light of dusk faintly illuminated the girl’s cheeks, turning them a soft pink.
――The gentle breeze that suddenly blew carried the scent of spring, a season that should have long since passed.
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