Episode 1 – Heartbreak and determination

Before I knew it, night had fallen.

Under a dimly lit sky covered with clouds, the only sound was the quiet chirping of insects along the riverbank.

I sat there, having cried my heart out—finally able to calm down.

“…Haha, I’m such an idiot. What was I thinking all this time…”

They say love is blind—how true that is, I thought.

It felt like I had woken up. I hadn’t been able to face reality until now—because I liked Renka, because I wanted to date her. So I pushed the inconvenient possibilities out of my mind and convinced myself that I had a chance.

…If I think about it calmly, that’s impossible.

Fujisaki Renak is the most beautiful girl in the school, with excellent grades and a beautiful appearance.

On the other hand, I have nothing to be proud of except being her childhood friend—I’m a complete loser.  

“Yeah, that’s right. Someone like me deserves to be hated…” 

Renka always took care of me, fixing my bedhead and tie, making me lunch…despite all my sloppiness.

That’s why I never even imagined that Renka could hate me that much.  

But—reality was different.  

Renka is a caring person. She couldn’t ignore my slovenly lifestyle as her childhood friend. That was all there was to it.  

For Renka, it must have been an agonizingly painful time.  

Having to take care of her hated childhood friend—that very daily routine itself.

“Come on, wake up. With her treating me so harshly, there’s no way I have a chance…”

That’s right. Of course that’s how it is.

The harsh words Renka has thrown at me all this time were undoubtedly her true feelings.

How could I have been so blind to such a simple thing?

I suddenly recall this morning’s conversation.

[Hey, you. Your tie is crooked again. You’re too sloppy.]

[And you have bedhead too. You’re really useless, aren’t you?]

[You’re completely useless without me. Be grateful, you idiot Akito.]

In just this short conversation, she hurled three insults: [sloppy] [useless] and [idiot Akito.]

I interpreted it as a sign that she was opening up to me…how foolish of me.  

I’m so dense, you big idiot—I berate myself.  

And then, eventually, I…  

“I see. —I was hated by Renka.”

I say it clearly, for the first time.

I chewed on the reality that my first love had ended so abruptly.  

But if that’s the case…  

(At least…I don’t want to cause her any more trouble.)  

Up until now, I hadn’t noticed that Renka disliked me, and I had continued to take advantage of her kindness.  

Those must have been incredibly unpleasant days for her. Being hounded by a childhood friend she hated, and having to take care of him on top of that.

Then.

The only way I can make amends is…to distance myself from Renka.

To do that, I have to literally “become independent” from her.

So that Renka, who is so kind, doesn’t have to take care of someone she hates like me.

Only then can I forgive myself.

“Now that I’ve decided, I can’t rely on Renka anymore, right?”

…Or rather, what I’ve been doing until now was abnormal.

Having her fix my bedhead every morning, making me lunch…

If I’ve been taking that for granted, then I don’t deserve to be Renka’s boyfriend. A loser like me deserves to be hated.

That’s right. This is a good opportunity to reevaluate myself.  

What ended was just my first love. If I can use this heartbreak as fuel, I’m sure I’ll be able to do better next time.  

“Alright. Snap out of it, me. Forget about Renka as soon as possible.”

Of course, this emotional wound won’t heal immediately. No matter how much I try to motivate myself, my feelings for Koiuta won’t change.

But…if I don’t force myself to look forward, I’ll end up dragging this pain around forever.  

I slap my own cheek. By doing so, I force myself to get motivated.  

—I will never again take advantage of Renka’s kindness.  

—And I will never approach Renka again.  

That’s the best way I can repay Renka, I think. 

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