Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818093073752055113/episodes/16818093074531228150
And, of course, I could not accept the reality of Yui’s absence.
Yui’s face, behaviors, and smell …….
Every time I thought of them, the reality of Yui’s absence made me feel like I was going crazy.
I wanted to see him, I wanted to meet him, but it was not possible. ……
My unfulfilled feelings began to appear in my dreams.
At that time, Yui began to appear in my dreams every night.
But a dream is just a dream.
They are not real.
Whenever I woke up in the morning, I knew that Yui was no longer by my side, and all I could do was shed tears with a helpless emptiness in my heart.
Incidentally, I made a “Yui hugging pillow version 1” at that time, but it did not bring me much comfort.
“Version 1” was made at a time when I was starving for Yui ingredients, so the process was too hasty.
So, the accuracy was much rougher than the current “version 3”.
…. Anyway, I guess it was because I was living like that.
I was in a state of desperation because of the shock of losing Yui.
So, it bacame like that
I decided to participate in an idol audition that an acquaintance of mine applied for without permission…
Looking back, I’m not sure why I did it.
I was probably looking for something, anything, to distract myself.
And, fortunately or unfortunately, I passed the audition.
Why I passed is still the biggest mystery to me.
I probably had less motivation and less enthusiasm than anyone else who was there.
I had originally planned to withdraw from the audition regardless of whether I passed or failed.
However, the woman who would later become my manager, Yukari san, excitedly said one word……
That changed my mind.
“Mai chan, I’m sure you’ll become a famous idol that everyone will know!”
Her words must have been flattery.
But for someone like me who couldn’t see where I was headed, I felt as if a ray of light had been shed.
It’s not that I want to be successful as an idol.
But if I become a famous idol that everyone knows, Yui might find me.
It seems like a childish idea now, but I seriously thought so.
At the time, I was acutely aware of my helplessness as a child who couldn’t do anything.
If I had been stronger, I would not have lost Yui.
I could have protected him from those pigs,…… or those people.
After all, I was weak and a child, so I couldn’t help him.
If I had the determination and strength to live on my own without relying on my parents, I would have been able to do more.
It’s a bit of a calculation, but if I become an idol and become famous, even as a child I can earn enough money to support myself without depending on my family.
That way, I’ll never have to make a choice like that again …… and I won’t lose Yui.
I won’t be swayed by the circumstances of the adults – those women and my parents.
Needless to say, my choice – to be an idol – was opposed by my parents.
My parents ……, and not only my parents, but also my relatives ……, are very conservative.
Ever since I was a child, I was forced to follow the path they laid out for me …… as a young lady worthy of the Minazuki family.
At some point, it became a pain for me.
Yui was always there for me and treated me in a natural way.
I can’t tell him how much that supported me. ……
“So …… this time I have to help Yui.
I tried my best to persuade my parents.
Finally, they reluctantly agreed.
My parents were very worried about my stunned state at that time.
I guess that’s why they wanted me to devote myself to something, anything.
They probably also thought that I would quit my idol activities soon anyway.
But I was determined.
In order to get Yui back again, I decided …….
And so I became an idol.
If Yui knew about it, he would probably be surprised.
Mai is not suited to be an idol,…….like that
In fact, I can’t smile in front of people.
The only person I can smile for is …… no, the only person worth smiling for is Yui.
However, if I follow the advice that Yukari san gave me, the problem was unexpectedly solved in an unexpected way.
“Mai chan, picture someone you care about in your mind and smile like you would for that person.”
Every time I stood on stage in front of the fans…… , I remembered Yui’s face in my mind.
I would imagine Yui giggling at the sight of my idol form, and I would smile the biggest smile I could muster for him.
Even so, I couldn’t always manage to put on a smile. ……
I don’t know if that was a good thing or not.
But my idol career was slowly gaining momentum in a way that was in line with my goals.
Within a year, I had become a well-known idol.
The places where I performed were getting bigger and bigger, the number of media outlets that featured me was increasing, and I was getting so busy that I didn’t even have time to think about him.
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