Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16817330665155777948/episodes/16818023212492121163
After that day when Shimizu-san called me a “landmine girl,” I lost sight of myself, and I was so tired of even going out of my room.
I had already skipped three days of lectures at the university and told my part-time job that I had caught a bit of a cold, so I was given some time off.
I stay in my room and lie on my bed in the dark, eating the bare minimum of food.
“….. minetype, girl.”
I wonder if I am a …… mine type, girl.
I started this “Daily Life of a Sick College Girl” account as a way to make some extra money, but as I read back through the posts, I realized that this account was indeed nothing but my dirty parts.
Complaints about the people around me, complaints about my part-time job, and my daily grievances against society.
That sparked a lot of sympathy and the account grew to have 400,000 followers, but if this dirty part is the real me, then I’m a true sick girl.
And since I go out in that fashion, I am exactly what the world imagines a “minetype girl” to be.
I thought I was just a “normal girl anywhere” who was just a little obsessed with what she likes.
I wore that cute, frilly, pink, “mine-style” fashion just because I like pink…but at the point where I liked that outfit, I was already sick.
Maybe I like …… pink hair and clothes because I’m sick.
“So that means I’m not normal, right? I’m a …… mine, girl ……?”
It’s weird.
I should have lived my life true to what I like without worrying about how people look at me.
I have pink fashion, pink goods, and dyed my hair pink with a red inner color.
And yet, …… in contradiction to that idea, I had a desire to be a “normal girl”.
I hated the term “mine-type” and hated being called a mine-type because I wanted to appeal to those around me that I was different on the inside, even in that fashion.
In other words, I was conscious of the values from others.
“All along, I thought I had a strong self that was not influenced by others. ……”
As if to vent my weakness, I picked up my smartphone and opened the TwiX app, worrying about my messy hair.
And then–
[Daily life of a sick female college student: No more. Everything is bad. I’m annoying myself. I hate myself for posting sick posts on this account. Nononononono.]
I also wrote online about my inner anxieties and frustrations in this way.
Then, in the blink of an eye, the number of likes increased to 1,000, 2,000, and so on.
I know I can’t go on like this.
If I expand my black side any further, my ideal self, which was pink, will be eroded into pitch black.
But I’m …… too heavy, and “that person” won’t love me.
I’m a minetype of girl. ……Kazakiri-kun won’t love me.
“I want to be liked by Kazakiri-kun, that’s all I want,…….!”
I was about to slam my phone down on my bed in anger when the alarm went off.
It was an alarm reminding me that I had two hours until my first period on Thursday.
This is the lecture that I will be sharing with Kazakiri-kun.
Last week I skipped this lecture because of my part-time job, and it would be bad to skip it for two weeks in a row. ……
However, now that I feel this way, I have no face to make Kazakiri-kun see me.
“Then I have no choice but to …… put on that thing.”
It might be the first time in a few years.
A black and white monochrome dress and a black wig.
This dress was something my parents had forced her to wear, telling me to wear something other than pink, and I had made a custom-made wig for my job interviews and ID photos a few years later….
“I’ve been told that I’m a mine-type girl, and as long as I hate myself and feel lost…I’m not allowed to wear you right now. So, I’m sorry.”
I look at the pink Lolita blouse and black skirt in my closet and mutter an apology.
“And for now…I want him to leave me alone.”
I take a bath, put on makeup, get ready for the morning, put on a monochrome one-piece dress and a black wig before leaving the apartment.
I don’t want to see him until I feel comfortable.
Besides, there is no way he can find me without being dyed pink.
Kazakiri-kun will only recognize me, a girl who looks pink on the outside but is a normal girl on the inside. ……
I went outside wearing normal clothes for the first time in quite a while, and the reactions of the people around me were completely different.
People on the street were attracted to me, and some even stared at me when I was waiting at a traffic light, not even looking at the phone in their hand.
It was the same when I was walking around the university. Just walking down the hallway, both boys and girls would catch my eye.
“Look at her. Isn’t that girl hot?”
“Isn’t she really pretty?”
“What’s her major?”
“What grade is she in?”
“You should go pick her up.”
If I was wearing my usual clothes, people would make fun of me, saying, “What a minefield” or “She’s too sick!”
After all, this is how the world evaluates …….
Everyone in this world has their own “cuteness” within them.
I have been criticized just because my “cute” is not in line with the rest of the world.
But I didn’t mind the noise around me before.
But now I am afraid of the fact that I have been concerned about my surroundings.
“Isn’t that girl bad? She’s so cute~”
“Her style is badass, but her face is cute.”
“I mean, she’s got big boobs.”
To be liked by him, …… I may have to be more like his “cute”.
He always told me that my fashion was always cute.
However, I think my current clothes are cuter than that.
My “cute” is not the best for him.
“Aah! Sakimiya san!”
“Hee ……?”
On my way from Building 2 to Building 3, under the roof of Building 2, I was called by a familiar voice.
He came running toward me from Building No. 3 right in front of me.
It was just like the situation when I first met him …….
“Mou Sakimiya san? I was worried because you haven’t read my lime lately and you’ve been absent from college. Is something wrong? Your hair color has turned black.
Kazakiri-kun, who came up to me, did not look at my clothes, but just stared at my face and proceeded to talk.
“Ah! Is it possible that you’re looking for a new part-time job? Did you change your hair back to black because you had an interview for a part-time job?”
Kazakiri-kun, who has no idea what I’m going through, says something like that innocently and beams.
His pure, innocent and gentle smile has driven me crazy time and time again.
“Why ……?”
Why is he …….
I went out of my way to dress like this because I didn’t want to talk to him today.
And yet he instantly knew that I am Sakimiya Karen.
“Why? Why does Kazakiri-kun know that I am Sakimiya Karen?”
“Why do you mean ……?”
“Just answer me!”
“Y-Yes! Umm”
When I raised my voice, Kazakiri-kun responded in surprise.
“S-Sakimiya… or should I say this… you have an aura that is typical of Sakimiya san. Today, you don’t wear pink, but to me, Sakimiya san comes naturally to me. I found out.”
“My aura?”
“Yeah. Ah, but…I like the usual Sakimiya-san better..more I guess.”
“…… eh?”
“I always like the one and only Sakimiya-san’s fashion. Today’s fashion is certainly cute, but…I’ve known since the first time I met Sakimiya-san that it’s that fashion that suits her cuteness. Because I think so.”
“Kaze……kiri……-kun.”
Kazakiri-kun…even when we first met here, he protected my “cuteness”.
After that, while we were together, he told me over and over again that he liked how cute I was.
Kazakiri-kun believed in my cuteness so much. However, I…
“Hey, Kazakiri-kun…I’m a landmine type of girl.”
In a pained voice that sounded like it was about to choke, I openly conveyed the truth.
“Sakimiya san is a landmine type person…? But you’ve always hated landmine types…”
“I! I’m extremely attached to the things I like, and when I see something I don’t like, I immediately post it on social media, and the content is heavy, dark, and sick! And yet… I want to be seen as a normal girl…even though I’m actually a landmine girl!”
I’ve said it all …… all.
All the things I thought I couldn’t get out in front of anyone in real life.
He’ll hate me. He will definitely hate me.
At that moment, I heard the sound of everything breaking apart.
“Sakimiya-san. I don’t think that’s a bad thing….”
Kazakiri-kun still had a gentle smile on his face.
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