Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051596567318343/episodes/2912051597271085860
“So what happened after that?” Sawa asked, as if laughing it off.
“I betrayed my childhood friend, so she cut me off.”
Sawa hadn’t betrayed anyone.
On the contrary, he had given up the option of running away for my sake.
Without a second thought for the blame he would face, he had simply wished for my happiness.
“You didn’t betray, did you? It’s actually the opposite, right?”
“Well, that’s true, but since I didn’t tell my childhood friend, it’s the same as betraying her.”
It’s definitely not the same.
he didn’t tell her for my sake.
There’s no way that could ever be considered betrayal.
“Why didn’t you tell her?”
“It’s just as I said earlier. If she found out I told her to come, she’d be disappointed, and she’d worry about the trouble I caused her. Besides, if she felt distrustful—thinking, ‘Mom kept it a secret from me’—even though she only did what I told her to, it would be impossible to build a normal parent-child relationship.”
That was the truth.
If Sawa had told me the truth, I’m sure I would have looked down on my mother.
We would never have had the relationship we have now, and I would have run away from home on my own.
By now, I’d probably be selling my body to make a living… It’s not that simple.
Naive and with nothing to my name, I could easily have fallen prey to predatory adults and met the worst possible fate.
“I get it… but if you tell the truth, won’t our mother-daughter relationship fall apart? Isn’t it just built on lies?”
“You hit the nail on the head. It’s true that telling the truth might cause it to fall apart. But I don’t think it’s built on lies. The reason she has built a good mother-daughter relationship is because Mom has reformed herself.”
I want to blame her and confront her about why she kept quiet about it.
Emotionally speaking, I want to vent my anger and sadness.
But looking at my mother now, I’m convinced she wouldn’t do that anymore.
It would feel like a futile effort to get angry at someone who has reflected on their actions and improved.
Getting angry would serve no purpose other than to vent my own pent-up frustration.
What Sawa said was right for me.
“You have a bond that will last for decades to come. I don’t want to go out of my way to say, ‘It was a lie.’ If I don’t say anything, everything will just work out fine.”
“Why did you go that far? Were you okay with being hated?”
“Of course not. She’s my best friend, my childhood friend who I’ve grown up with. For a few days after we cut ties, I couldn’t even swallow a bite of food. I felt a constant weight on my mind, wondering if this was really the right thing to do, and for a while, I couldn’t sleep properly.”
I now understand why Sawa seemed so cold.
he must have been suppressing his emotions to hide his sadness.
He thought that if I noticed, it would ruin everything.
“But family is a bond for life. I’m just a stranger with no blood ties. If you care about your childhood friend, it’s obvious which bond to cut. Even if it’s sad, even if it’s painful, as long as she’s happy, that’s enough. She was that important to me.”
Hearing Sawa’s voice, so genuinely happy, tears welled up in my eyes.
Big, heavy tears streamed down my cheeks, and I couldn’t stop them.
He saved me without a thought for his own safety, and even when he was suffering, he rejoiced in my happiness.
Truly, Sawa, Sawa, Sawa.
He was so kind that an overwhelming warmth spread through my chest.
…Along with a stabbing pain.
“Well, I’ve managed to come to terms with it now and am looking forward. Of course, she’s still someone very important to me.”
“So, that means you spent time with a childhood friend who directed hatred at you, even though you were actually the one who saved her…”
Laughing, “Ahaha,” Sawa said in a playful tone.
“That’s why it was so awkward! It was absolutely, incredibly awkward!”
The events of today flashed back in my mind, and I couldn’t help but let out a soft, “Ah…”
“But I decided not to show it. I mean, there’s no way I could say that! The girl who invited me was looking forward to today, right!? Plus, it was supposed to be an apology, right!? I can’t exactly say, ‘The girl you brought along is my childhood friend I’ve cut ties with, so it’s incredibly awkward…’ can I!?”
I treated Sawa coldly.
As if to push him away, I deliberately called him “Ibusuki-san.”
Out of spite, I shot Sawa a reproachful look.
“Well, personally, I was actually relieved to see her face again after so long, so it’s fine with me… but since that’s not the case for my childhood friend, I really felt bad in my heart that I was there.”
……There was no excuse.
Convinced that Sawa had betrayed me, I acted unreasonably, as if to rub it in.
I recalled my conversation with Yuna. “Yeah. Sometimes, okay.” “Really? Then maybe he and Chika would get along! Right, Chika?” “Eh… well, I guess we might get along.” As those happy memories came flooding back, I felt anger welling up inside me.
I had destroyed those irreplaceable, joyful moments with my betrayal.
Thinking that, I shot Sawa a look of pure hatred.
Even though Sawa hadn’t betrayed me at all…
Even though he still cares about me…
I took out my unreasonable anger on her.
“…I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Sawa. I’m sorry… sniff, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”
I kept apologizing, completely distraught.
My tear-choked voice, of course, couldn’t reach her on the other side of the screen.
“I could tell she resented me, and it was so awkward. And on top of that, the apology gift was a couple’s set menu, so we ended up drinking from a single drink with a couple’s straw while she glared at me like crazy. It sounds like a lie, but it’s true—I was completely exhausted, thinking, ‘Is there really such a hellish thing?’”
Ah, ah, ah.
I put a burden on Sawa.
I did something that deserved to be hated.
“And then, after that, the girl who invited me said she wanted to go, so we ended up riding the Ferris wheel, but for some reason, I ended up riding it alone with my childhood friend. The atmosphere inside the gondola was so heavy, so heavy… It was so suffocating I wondered if we’d climbed all the way to space.”
His tone was playful, as if he were asking me to laugh at his misfortune.
If I had helped Sawa, and the roles were reversed, could I have endured being treated like this? I definitely couldn’t. My heart would break. There’s no way I could ever brush it off as a joke.
On top of that, I was the last one.
“Well, I think my childhood friend feels that way too, so I do feel bad. Right before we got off, she told me, ‘Today is the last time we’ll have anything to do with each other,’ so from now on, I’m going to be extra careful not to get involved. If I show up in her line of sight and make her feel bad, that would defeat the whole purpose. Heh, the skills I picked up in high school are finally coming in handy!”
I’m in no position to declare a complete break.
And yet, I said it anyway.
So even if I can’t have anything to do with her ever again, it’s my own fault.
But when I imagine never seeing Sawa again—I tremble with fear, my teeth chattering.
No… No, no, absolutely not.
No one has ever cared for me this much.
I’m sure that even if I searched the whole world, or was reborn countless times, I wouldn’t find anyone like that.
The only person I’ve ever loved this much—the only person I could ever love this much—is Sawa.
“Nooo, no, no, no, no! You don’t have to do anything else, I’ll do anything, just don’t say you won’t have anything to do with me!”
Tears overflowed, and I clung to the monitor.
The cable came loose, and the power cut out.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me…
In the pitch-black darkness, as I kept repeating my repentance over and over,
“Are you okay!? Chika!?”
My mother came into the room and looked at me with concern.
“I’ll bring you a warm drink right away!”
She immediately brought me some hot tea and rubbed my back.
The reason she’s become so kind right now is all thanks to Sawa…
I held back the urge to cry out and opened my mouth.
“Ah, thank you. I’m okay now…”
“I understand. Let me know right away if anything happens, okay?”
As soon as my mom left the room, I searched for my phone.
I have to apologize to Sawa right now, right this second.
I searched frantically, and as soon as I found it, I turned it on and started typing.
I didn’t want to remember anything about Sawa, so I’d deleted all his contact information.
So… I held the phone to my ear.
“Hello, Yuna!? Can you give me Ibusuki san’s contact info!?”
As soon as the call connected, I spoke up.
But there was silence for quite a while.
And then, finally, Yuna’s voice reached my ears.
“…Who do you think you are to say that?”
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