Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818093083511177921/episodes/16818093089317010858
▼Nishihara Natsuki Perspective▼
One night.
The moonlight shining through the window of my room dimly illuminated the corner of the notebook spread out on my desk.
“Haa…….”
I rested my elbows on the desk, covered my face with my palms, and sighed loudly.
Usually I enjoyed just talking to Hina.
But lately, every time I see Hina, I feel a prickling pain deep in my chest.
I knew best why that was.
“…..I’m the worst, aren’t I?”
The mumbled voice disappeared as if absorbed in the silence of the night.
I knew from the beginning that Hina liked Hikaru.
I became friends with Hina soon after I transferred to the new school, and she told me in a few words.
“There is someone I like.”
At that time, Hina’s eyes were slightly shining and she smiled as if she was happy just thinking about someone.
Seeing that expression, I thought to myself.
–I was so lucky to have such a wonderful best friend.
But now, every time I recall that memory, I feel something heavy in my chest.
And yet, I–
“Why do I care about …… Hikaru?”
I was surprised at the words I unintentionally uttered.
But I know the reason why.
I have a clear memory in my mind of when I talked to Hikaru after school.
When he asked me for advice on Hina’s birthday present, I felt my heart beat wildly even though it was nothing.
I knew it was for Hina’s sake, but I was happy to have a little time to talk with Hikaru.
“No. …… this kind of feeling. ……”
I stared at the notebook I had spread out on my desk.
On that page is a brief note about yesterday’s events.
We discussed Hina’s birthday present.
After school, I talked to Hikaru.
I was ashamed of myself as I added a small note beside it, “I was a little bit happy.”
I closed the notebook without thinking.
“I can’t say this …… to Hina.”
There was no way I could say that.
When I think about Hina, I have no right to express such feelings.
Even so, I hated myself for getting so excited when I thought about Hikaru
I got up from my chair and collapsed onto the bed.
Staring at the ceiling, the confusion in my heart grew even greater.
I like Hina
I consider her my best friend and I want to remain so.
But when I think of Hikaru, my mind boggles.
This feeling is definitely–
“It’s love. ……”
I didn’t want to admit it. Because I feel that if I admit it, I would be betraying my friendship with Hina.
But I can’t help it, my heart is shaken.
“I wonder what would happen …… if I told Hina how I feel?”
I covered my face with my hands. I can see Hina’s gentle smile in my mind.
I don’t know how Hikaru feels about Yōna.
But there is no way that I should be the one to come between Hina and Hikaru, knowing that Hina likes Hikaru.
“But ……”
I put my hand on my chest.
The heart is pulsing as if it were beating fast.
If this is not love, then what is it?
Just seeing Hikaru smile makes me happy.
Every time I talk to him, I want to spend more time with him.
“What should I do? ……”
The loneliness of not being able to talk to anyone about it weighs on my heart.
As the night deepens, the room grows quieter and quieter.
I sat on my knees on the bed, staring blankly out the window.
“There’s no point in thinking about it…….”
I told myself that, but I could not find the answer in my heart.
I am the one who is attracted to Hikaru even though I know how Hina feels about him.
My self who does not know what to do about it.
But one thing I do know – if I confide these feelings to anyone, I am sure it will be irreversible.
“…… I won’t say anything to Hina. That’s fine.”
Telling myself that, I closed my eyes.
But the blur in the back of my chest did not disappear and continued to tighten my heart.
In the silence, my heart continues to waver.
Will I take friendship or will I be honest with my feelings–?
My answer was to force myself to sleep, still unable to find it.
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