Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818093083511177921/episodes/16818093089311967058
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▼Matsumura Hina Point of View▼
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After school on Monday, I quietly hide myself in the shadows of the flower beds behind the school building.
Every time a petal swaying in the wind crosses my vision, I can blur the image of two people walking happily in the distance.
Hikaru and Natsuki are walking side by side on their way home in the evening sun.
The fact that the person next to him is not me, but the transfer student – Natsuki-chan, irrepressibly stung my heart.
“……Why ……?”
I muttered to myself unconsciously, my voice drowned out by the quiet wind.
A soft smile floated across Hikaru’s face. He’s usually cheerful and friendly to everyone, but he looks more happy like that than he does when he’s with me–
Natsuki casually touched Hikaru’s arm in a gesture that made my body tremble a little. He doesn’t seem surprised by it and returns a natural smile.
My heart aches. It’s as if someone is grabbing me by the heart, and the pain increases with every breath I take.
I have always loved him.
But I could never tell him how I felt.
I was happy just to be next to him.
Just seeing his smile was enough for me.
But now, the scene that unfolds before my eyes shatters my modest happiness.
Every time Natsuki smiled and spoke to Hikaru, and every time Hikaru responded, it was as if my heart tightened.
If I was going to feel this way, I wish I had never seen it in the first place.
“It’s the second time, and I wonder if …… they’re dating. ……”
I noticed that the sun was setting and the shadows were growing longer.
I just had to sit there and watch them move away.
♦♦♦♦♦
When I woke up the next morning, my body was as heavy as lead.
“….. school, I didn’t want to go…..”
Yesterday’s scene replayed over and over in my head.
Even when I bury my face in the futon, the memory never goes away.
The sight of Hikaru and Natsuki-chan happily laughing together, Hikaru’s kind face,…… all replay in my mind and tighten my heart.
“I feel like an idiot…….”
I know that crying won’t change anything. But still, I couldn’t shake off the image of the two of them behind my eyelids.
I knew from the moment Natsuki transferred to my new school that she and Hikaru were getting along well. Natsuki is a bright, pretty girl who is liked by everyone. It was probably only a matter of time before she and Hikaru became good friends.
Still, I kept telling myself, “I’m sure they’ll be just normal friends. It’s just a normal friendship, I’m sure.”
But yesterday’s scene destroyed that excuse miserably.
–He loves Natsuki chan
Every time I admit that fact, my heart aches.
I know that nothing will change if I stay cooped up inside the house.
So I decided to go outside. Without an umbrella, I simply walk out without a thought.
The sky is covered with gray clouds, and the damp air clings to my skin. The smell of rain was in the air, and drops of it touched my cheeks.
“…… rain. Oh well.”
I had nowhere to go. I just felt suffocated at home.
I found my feet heading for the neighborhood park. The place, lined with small playground equipment, was supposed to be always crowded with laughing children, but no one was there today.
I sat down on the swing and swayed lightly. The creaking sound echoed in the silence. It was strangely comforting.
The rain gradually became heavier and my clothes were soaking wet. I could only vaguely feel the cold water running through my hair and sliding down my cheeks.
“Why is …… this …… painful?”
My mumbled voice was drowned out by the sound of the rain and did not even reach myself.
I place my cold hands on my knees and intertwine my fingers. The cold should have seeped into my core, but somehow it didn’t bother me.
I just surrender to the sound of the rain continuing to fall.
I wipe my eyes for some reason.
The rhythm of the raindrops hitting the ground numbs my mind.
It would be so much easier to just let the rain wash me away, I thought.
Still, maybe there was a hope somewhere in my heart that someone might come to this place and find me.
In the rain, I just let myself swing mindlessly on the swing, which continued to sway.
Then a familiar voice echoed out from the sound of the rain.
“…… Hina?”
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