“Huff…., huff…..!”

I can do it. I’m faster. Just a bit. Maybe a step or two, but I’m still faster…..! I can beat Daiki.

This is just a game. It doesn’t matter if you’re a working adult or a high school student, it’s meaningless, it’s just self-satisfaction. Even if I win, Daiki won’t feel any regret or anything.

Still, for me. It’s the smallest and biggest step in life. For me, the helpless guy who has lost his girlfriend and is about to lose his future fiancée. To be able to recognize myself. Today is the day I’m going to…..


My right leg stopped moving. To be precise, it’s no longer bending fully.

The reason is because Daiki’s baton was caught between my calf and thigh, by the time I realized that, he was already in front of me.

By the time I finished passing the baton to the next person, Daiki had already left the course. In the end, I lost again.

“My bad. I’ve hit you unintentionally.”

As I was catching my breath after leaving the course, Daiki tapped me on the shoulder. It’s okay, calm down. It was obvious that he hit me with the baton on purpose, but there’s no point in getting angry. No matter what excuse I make, it’s a fact that I lost. Getting angry here will only make me a sore loser. Calm down……

“Congratulations, Daiki kun ! That was so cool !

“Of course, right? Who do you think I am?”

Saki, who’s in the same class as me, ignored me and hugged Daiki. They really seem on good terms, I envy him.

“It’s just a game, what kind of face is that?”

I was watching Daiki and Saki embrace each other without saying a word when Midori walked towards me from a distance with her arms folded.

“Now you know. You can always beat that idiot if you want to. And now we know that he’s so shameless that he can’t win without cheating.”


“Haha. Scary. The tolerance for provocation is also zero. Lame.”

Midori lightly kicked my right leg and continued to provoke Daiki without glances at him. A little later, Shinobu san and Hikari also approached.

“Kouki kun, good work~ You were so cool~”

“At least you stood out more than someone else.”


I have nothing. But there were so many people who understood me. Midori and Hikari. Shinobu san is …….

“……Shinobu, san?”


No. Not the Shinobu san in front of me. The adult Shinobu-san….. Nobu Nobu is not in the seat. It’s fine if she moved somewhere else. If so, that’s fine, but if her entire presence has disappeared somewhere else……!

“Shinobu chan, how was it? Wasn’t my performance cooler than some small fry brother who lost to a freshman?”

“Ah~ sorry~, I wasn’t thinking about you at all !”

“Why are you all……!”

“Shinobu san !”

All four of us. Daiki was messing with me, Shinobu san was taking it, Wakabayashi san was standing in front of us, and I was pulling Shinobu san onto my back.

I was so preoccupied with Daiki that I didn’t notice. I didn’t realize that Wakabayashi san had come this close.

And if Nobu Nobu had disappeared with her entire existence, that’s. Because her past self, Shinobu san, was killed by Wakabayashi san…..!

“Why would you be the most handsome guy in school, if it weren’t for you ……! If it weren’t for you, I would be……!”

“Shinobu san ! Don’t leave from here !”

Why did it happen so suddenly…..there was no warning until just now…! No,…… that’s what a grudge is. Jealousy is like that. It explodes not because of some big event, but because of the accumulation of things that have happened up until now. I know that feeling better than anyone. And for that outburst of emotion.

“It’s all annoying…..why doesn’t anyone look at me……!?”

There is no reasoning. That’s why.

“If I can’t have it anyway, I’ll destroy it……!”

Wakabayashi san, who had taken out a knife from her back, wasn’t looking at Shinobu san, but at Daiki.


I’m certain that Wakabayashi san is insane right now. She was insane to begin with to try to kill people, but even before that. She’s making up her own logic and pointing the finger at Daiki, who has nothing to do with it.

There is no reasoning. She’s looking for an ending that satisfies her. No one but her knows how she feels. No, she probably doesn’t even understand it herself. Because I don’t either.


I jumped in front of Daiki, and instead received the blade in my stomach.


I defended Daiki, whom I held such a grudge against, and was stabbed. I only understood my actions after I had visualized the knife in my stomach and the blood dripping from my mouth and staining my white gym clothes.

“…… I know exactly how you feel. You hate it when you keep losing……. You can’t help but being miserable and helpless……but…..!”

I’m the same as Wakabayashi san. I was having an emotional outburst. I don’t even understand myself. But still.

“I’m not going to give up on myself!”

I pushed Wakabayashi san away so that no one else would get hurt.

“Midori !”

“…..Shinobu san stop the bleeding ! Hikari, call an ambulance !”

Midori seized Wakabayashi san, who fell to the ground while screaming. As I confirm this, I collapsed. On the ground far below.

“Eh….? Eh……?”

“Surprising……, right….? Otherwise….it’s…….”

Even after receiving the instructions, they probably still don’t understand what’s going on. The bewildered Shinobu san and the faint voice of Hikari melt into the ground. The sound of the hustle and bustle of the sports festival is strangely disappearing. The only thing reaching my ears right now is one thing.

“Why are you defending……me, bro…..?”

I wanted to kill him, but I couldn’t, just my brother’s voice.

“That’s…..what I want to ask myself……”

A pain that I have never felt eats my whole body just by speaking from my throat. It hurts so badly that I can’t put it into words. Why… this happening?

Why did I…… protect Daiki…..?  My body was moving on its own. As if it was my fate to do so, I was stepping down on my own.

If I die now, Daiki will. He will be praised as a tragic handsome guy who was saved by his brother. I’m not going to let that happen. I absolutely…..hate….. that!

“Haa…., haa…… !”

I…..hate it, but I can’t help it. If there’s no me and no adult shinobu san, there’s no one to run the agents. I will die. I can’t be anything, I can’t accomplish anything, and I’m going to die.

I want to at least……leave something behind. This regret, this anger. I want to leave a mark on Daiki and Saki who betrayed me. I want to leave a grudge that they will regret for the rest of their life,……!

“You took her from me…….don’t ever make Saki unhappy…….!”

I wanted to leave him a grudge, but these were the words that came out from my mouth. It was a saintly will. It was a loser’s nonsense.

I didn’t want to be this kind of person. I didn’t want to be this good, humble, weak person. I wanted to be a strong person who could win even if I had to cut someone else down. I didn’t care about the process. If I didn’t win, I would be a loser in the end.

I hate it. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to end it here. But my hope is always unfulfilled.


My consciousness, like my life, was swallowed up by the deep darkness.

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