Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818622176550308690/episodes/16818792438240621195
“I can’t return Suzukita-san’s feelings.”
That day. In the classroom, bathed in sunset light.
Hearing Suzukita-san say she liked me—it was the first time anyone had ever confessed to me. I was happy, but just as confused. I remember my mind going completely blank as I tried to figure out what to do.
But. It’s already been about a month since that confession.
I couldn’t keep avoiding this any longer.
“…Ahaha. Ayatachi, did you forget? I told you I didn’t need an answer yet, right?”
Suzukita-san didn’t let her smile falter from earlier.
No—she probably thought it was a smile. But to me, it was something else entirely. Her forced, stiff cheeks looked painful.
“I realized I couldn’t keep things ambiguous forever. Doing that wouldn’t be good for Suzunokita-san either.”
“Mouu, you’re so impatient, Ayatacchi. I was planning to wait forever, you know?”
“I think that’s wrong. …Sorry, I can’t explain it well.”
She said.
I. Ayata Akito, as a person, still—
“——…You know. I still like Renka.”
That day. The memory of falling for her when we were children.
Her smile, which gave meaning to my life when I had nothing.
The warmth of Renka, who made me, who couldn’t become anything, into Ayata Akito.
I—just couldn’t forget it.
Even though a lot happened, I think I still like Renka.
“…Huh. I see. So you’ve come to a decision…”
A weak voice. Suzukita-san’s gaze lowered slightly.
“Ahhh… I thought this might be my chance. Since Renren seemed to be fighting with him, I figured now was the time to strike~! That’s how I felt, anyway.”
Little by little, Suzukita-san’s voice grew brighter.
I knew immediately she was putting on a front. My heart ached, but—this wasn’t a wound I had the right to bear. I had a duty to fulfill the responsibility of this choice. I couldn’t escape into sentimentality.
“Well… guess it can’t be helped. Lately, Renren’s been totally devoted to Ayatacchi, all mushy and sweet, right? And I got impatient and confessed too—yeah, I knew it all along. I never had a chance, did I?”
“…It’s not like that. But… I’m sorry.”
“Mouu. No apologies, Ayatachi! I’m the one who fell for you on my own and got rejected on my own!”
She turned away. Suzukita-san turned her back to me.
I’m not that dense to demand an explanation. I stayed silent, listening for Suzukita-san’s next words.
“You see… I fell for you at first sight, Ayata cchi.”
After a while.
What reached me over her shoulder was that monologue.
“Actually, I’ve been interested in you since first year, Ayata chi. You know, you were always surrounded by all those famous kids in our grade—Renren, Senarin, Hidekichi, Seyan. But, how should I put it? Ayatachi was the only one who seemed out of place in the best possible way.”
Huh… Somehow, it felt like I’d suddenly been insulted.
And it was an insult that hit right where it hurt, targeting my exact complex. Was Suzukita-san venting her resentment at me for rejecting her confession?
“But you know? —The one always at the center of that sparkling circle was Ayata chi.”
Suzukita-san’s voice sounded bright and bouncy.
She still had her back turned to me. So I couldn’t see her expression, but—this time, I don’t think she was putting on a front.
“That’s why I thought. I thought, Ayata-cchi must be a really kind person.”
A small chuckle escaped Suzukita-san’s lips.
“See, I look like this, right? Well, I do it on purpose, so it can’t be helped… But because of this, all the guys who come up to me only talk about my looks. I’ve only been confessed to by shallow guys, and when I turned them down, they’d just sigh or something.”
Back in first year, I was in a different class from Suzukita-san.
So I didn’t know, but… well, it was within the realm of what I could imagine. A beauty like Suzukita-san couldn’t possibly be unpopular.
“So, you see. Because of that, I was looking for someone with a good personality. That’s when I met the super kind Ayatacchi.”
Kind… huh.
I’ve never once thought of myself that way. I’ve never tried to be kind to anyone. In fact, I’m always the one being supported by people like Renka.
“I know, you know? Ayatachi always acts like he’s too lazy to care, but… deep down, he cares about his friends more than anyone, right? …I’ve been watching him all along, so I know.”
—I tried to say that wasn’t true.
Because… I hurt Renka. Words like “caring about friends” don’t fit someone like me.
But. Suzukita-san had been watching me like that. I had no right to deny that feeling.
“I liked… that kind of Ayatachi… but you know?”
Saying that, Suzukita-san turned her body towards me.
Her eyes were red and swollen.
But. She wore her usual sun-like smile.
“But, but… I’m sorry, Ayatachi.”
I wondered why.
Suzukita-san… had a smile that seemed to be enjoying this situation somehow.
“——I’m not giving up on you yet, okay Ayata-chi?”
Huh…?
My thoughts froze for an instant.
“Because, well, right? You haven’t decided to date Renren yet, have you? So then—I’ll keep aiming for you forever, okay? Until the day you forget about Renren and fall for me instead.”
Deep within Suzukita-san’s eyes, as she laughed, shaking her blonde hair,
something like sparks crackling and flying, something like fervor, burned brightly.
“So I’ll keep pursuing you, okay? And someday, I’ll make sure Ayatacchi and I end up together!”
“…But I—”
“It’s fine. Even if you use me as the girl to help you forget Renren.”
Why… Why could she say something like that?
I had cut off Suzukita-san’s feelings cleanly. It was as if I had betrayed the feelings of the girl who told me she liked me.
Yet, why?
Why was her smile… why was it so dazzling?
“—Sorry about today, Ayatacchi. But I’m serious. I genuinely like you, Ayatacchi.”
“I-I said.. I like Renka—”
“It’s fine! I haven’t lost yet—if there’s even a one percent chance left, I want to keep fighting until the end! Like you did the other day, Ayatacchi”
Ah… What is that?
It’s unfair, I think. With that smile, those words—someone like me couldn’t possibly match her resolve.
So, I…
“…Haa. Fine. If you say so, I won’t say anything else.”
I figured I had no choice but to admit it.
I like Renka. I want to be her boyfriend—this feeling is my unmistakable wish.
I have absolutely no intention of changing that. None… but still…
“Well, how should I put it… Thank you, Suzukita-san. Honestly, I’m really happy.”
“Fufu. That’s what I should be saying, Ayatacchi. —Thanks. For properly facing my feelings.”
“Well then, see you later—” With that, Suzukita-san waved goodbye to me.
I turned my back on her. I opened the door and left the room.
The lingering warmth of Suzukita-san’s words stayed with me.
I want to seriously challenge my own “true feelings.”
I don’t want to run away again. I don’t want to look away from Renka.
Walking down the hallway leading to my room, I suddenly opened the calendar app on my phone.
August 31st, the last day of summer vacation.
I intend to confess my feelings to Renka on that day.
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