Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818093075629868223/episodes/16818792436539300365
―――I’ve always been aware of my good looks.
My parents’ jobs meant frequent transfers, so I moved many times… and each time, people would compliment my appearance.
It wasn’t exactly unpleasant. Of course not—whether it’s academics or sports, everyone likes being praised, even without some grand reason.
Fortunately, I was reasonably athletic and not exactly dumb either.
It was only natural to be fawned over, and people gathered around me since I was a child.
Still, I never really had any kids I could call “friends.”
Part of it was my parents being transfer employees… but the biggest reason was probably that time.
“Te-Teacher… It was Kirishima-san who did it! We didn’t do anything!”
I think I was in first grade? We were all playing together when we accidentally broke a window in the school building.
It was definitely me who broke that window.
The ball I threw just happened to go too far and hit the window.
But we were all playing. It wasn’t just my fault. Why was I being blamed? I didn’t understand.
“Th-that’s right! It wasn’t us!”
“It’s Kurusu chan’s fault!”
“Why are we getting scolded too?!”
But everyone was desperate to avoid getting scolded themselves, so they tried to pin all the blame on me.
Watching them… somehow, it made me feel less depressed than just… like I’d been hit with a harsh dose of reality.
(Even though they said they liked me so much…)
In the end, it was just my looks.
Everyone was fawning over me, so they just jumped on the bandwagon.
When it came to me as a person, that was all it was.
(…Yeah, I guess so.)
But part of me understood.
I’m only attractive on the outside; I’m definitely not a kind person. I don’t have any charisma that draws people in, and I’ve never truly devoted myself to anyone.
Without my looks, I’d never be the kind of person who gets fawned over at the center of the class.
After realizing that, I made a conscious effort not to make friends.
To begin with, my parents were transfer employees, and I moved schools often, so I was in an environment where making friends was difficult… so there was no need to force it.
If this is who I am, there’s no point in forcing expectations.
Even if I get attention because of my looks, I’ll keep a proper distance.
Because everyone talks to me just because I’m pretty. No one would ever sacrifice themselves for me—
[I won’t let a girl cry! If it means making her smile in the end, I can do it!]
…or so I thought.
Right after starting third grade, I learned that wasn’t true.
Right after meeting him for the first time. Right after saying hello. Even though there was a ferocious dog right in front of us, a terrifying presence that should have attacked.
He, wearing some kind of hero mask, stood up to it for me, even though it meant bleeding.
Honestly, when he saved me, I thought, “Is he just putting on a show because of my looks?”
Fufu, he wasn’t that kind of person at all.
But back then, that’s what I thought. Even classmates I’d talked to many times would only protect themselves, shifting blame onto others. Why would a stranger do it?
But after making sure I wasn’t hurt, he immediately—
[Glad you’re okay! See ya!]
He left, saying only that.
He was the kind of person who could help someone in trouble without caring who they were, without expecting anything in return.
Maybe people like this exist after all, I thought. Maybe I’d just been assuming too much, and there are others like him out there.
Yes, along with the feeling called love, I learned that too.
After that, I changed a little.
I tried hard to get closer again and become friends with the classmates I’d been keeping my distance from.
Even though I transferred schools again soon after, I went back alone to the place where I’d met him… searching, hoping he might be there.
Well, unsurprisingly, I didn’t find him.
Instead, before starting high school, I decided I wanted to become a model.
Part of it was because I’d been approached on the street before. But more than that, I held onto this faint hope that if I became famous, maybe he’d find me.
(Well, in the end… I found you somewhere completely different.)
When I found you, you were helping someone else too.
Not just me—you were kind to everyone.
There were so many girls who wanted to be by your side, to feel your kindness forever.
I hated having so many rivals, but more than that, I was happy knowing my feelings back then weren’t wrong.
(…I’m probably the one who started last.)
I don’t have the advantage of time spent with him like childhood friends do.
I don’t have the kind of thing to just spill my complaints
I was happy, I really was.
You’re an attractive, kind person liked by so many people, not just me.
I dislike having so many rivals, but honestly, it doesn’t matter.
Even if there are many, I’ll just try harder to make him like me. Losing in a fair fight is just how it goes.
(But, you know… Mr. Kind Person)
Lately, I’ve been a little scared.
Regardless of winning or losing, what if I fall behind like this and the distance just keeps growing?
Will you still see me?
If you stop seeing me… then I—
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