“Don’t neglect your health, Rika.”
“You sound like an old man.”
“It’s like my dad when I woke up.”
Rika laughed lightly on the bed.
After the meal, she was kneeling in front of the bed.
I was the one Rika was talking to. For the umpteenth time, all we could talk about was our elementary school days.
It was around that time that the memories were strong, and it was fun to talk about them.
“Do you remember the school trip?”
“The one where you were so scared you couldn’t sleep?”
“Yeah. The first day, I was so nervous that I stayed up all night. The second day was a disaster. Finally, I got sick in the middle of the day.”
“So I went with you.”
“I feel I caused you a lot of trouble.”
We were in the same class and in the same group. Rika, who was assigned to be in charge of the health care section, ends up doing her job perfectly.
She used her own time for me. I can’t thank her enough for taking up half a day of her time.
“It’s okay. I’ve been telling you that recently, haven’t I? When you’re in trouble, it’s on me too.”
“Rika…..”
“As long as you’re here to take care of me like this, that’s enough for me.”
“Then I guess I’ll continue to take care of you.”
“As long as you don’t overdo it.”
“Leave it to me.”
We talked, changed towels, made more porridge, and so on.
There was no end to the things to do for a while. Rika became tired and began to talk less and less.
With no more work to do, we ran out of conversation. Although it is a relationship without tension, when communication suddenly decreases, the mode switches naturally. From on to off.
I am now off. Finally, my eyelids become heavy.
As soon as I bury my face in one of the beds, defeat is set at the end of the inevitable straight road.
My body is honest about its fatigue. I ordered myself to stay awake, but was rebuffed as an impossible order.
It was only a matter of time before I was lured into the Garden of Sleep.
* * *
“Good morning, Masatoshi.”
I should have been the one nursing her. I was so tired that I buried my face in the blanket.
If that was the case, how else should I describe the irregularity of having my whole body on the bed and covered with the blanket?
“We’re switching places.”
“Is that so?”
“Don’t be silly. I was supposed to nurse Rika, but now I’m sitting on the bed, and you’re standing next to it. Isn’t that strange?”
“It’s strange. If it is physical exhaustion, I should be the one rolling on the bed.”
If it’s physical exhaustion, you mean.
“You don’t mean to say that the positions of patient and caretaker have been switched in order to relieve mental fatigue?”
“That’s very perceptive of you. That’s brilliant.”
“I wonder if it’s called giving mental treatment. It is a different story from the common cold. It is not an easy thing to cure.”
“It’s not easy, but I’m going to do it. I have to.”
I feel obligated to do it. Now that I was lying defenseless on the bed, Rika was a threat as she was looking into me.
Rika looks calm, but there is a passion that she can’t hide. It was so strong that I usually don’t feel it.
“Don’t be impatient. Don’t go out of control.”
“It’s alright. I’m not in a hurry. I’m just going too slow and taking it easy.”
“Maybe I’m not seeing things the way they should be.”
“Sometimes subjectivity and objectivity don’t always agree. Which is the right answer?”
“I don’t know……if you ask me, or maybe I don’t want to know.”
“You’ll figure it out sooner or later, so it’s just one of those things you have to wait and see.”
Is that so? It’s an irresponsible word. In Rika’s case, they are also words of certainty. It is because of the indescribable power of persuasion she possesses.
These days, Rika’s words penetrate my brain more easily. There is no fear or anxiety. I even think it’s a good tendency.
“Then, I’ll start. Masatoshi, stay where you are.”
Rika did not explain what was about to begin. A strange world awaits us from here on out.
“First, clear your minds.”
Under Rika’s instruction, I began to breathe. I felt my body relax and I felt at ease.
“Next, empty your head.”
Once again, I was at Rika’s mercy. In other words, it is.
Every time I followed Rika’s instructions, I felt myself completely disappear. I remembered it.
I remembered, but the corresponding memories did not come back. Even though it reached my throat, I was rebuffed by the strong resistance of not letting it out.
“Is it done?”
“Yes.”
I was in a dreamy state. I knew in my gut that I had reached the high zone.
“Then, let’s do some ahhn.”
Rika looked ecstatic. I knew that I would feel even more comfortable if I accepted Rika’s attempt to bring the spoon to my mouth.
If I accept it—.
“I’m sorry, Masatoshi.”
Rika’s expression suddenly became cloudy.
The spoon was inserted into her mouth. There was no comfort. It was heartless.
“That’s not right, Masatoshi.”
“What’s not right? There’s nothing wrong.”
“It’s not Masatoshi who should do something about his heart—.”
The rest of the words were too small to hear.
Besides.
“You have to be quiet for a minute.”
Thump, thump, thump.
Thump, thump, thump.
A wave of pleasure rushed over me, messing with my head.
I knew where this was coming from. Where on earth –.
Before I had time to think, my consciousness faded away.
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