Episode 84 – Kamisaka Ruri’s Regret

Source

https://ncode.syosetu.com/n9874hy/84/

I have always liked Otori Kaisei, that is, since the moment I met him.

Even when he was hiding behind Yuuki, that part of him seemed cute, and thinking back on it now, Kaisei doing something like that would have been precious.

I was absorbed in Kaisei while hanging out with Yuuki and the others, and before I knew it, I was in middle school. Kaisei became cooler in middle school, and he gradually began to get more and more confessions.

I couldn’t stand it any longer and impulsively called Kaisei to confess my feelings.

Kaisei accepted my confession. This was when I had only been in middle school for a few months.

From then on, I gradually started to play less and less with Yuuki, and a little less with Kagurazaka Eri. I felt a little sad about it myself, but I got used to the routine of not playing with them.

After a while, Kaisei said that he wanted to go out with Eri too. When I hesitated, Kaisei threatened to break up with me.

I really did not want to break up with Kaisei, so I hid my feelings of mortification and allowed it.

When the three of us started dating, it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. I got along well with Eri, and I think Kaisei loved us equally.

I wonder if it was around that time that I began to think that Yuuki was a hindrance.

I was grateful that he cooked for me on occasion, but it was annoying that he invited me to go out with him without realizing that we were dating Kaisei.

Of course, we were probably at fault for not telling him about it. It is wrong to be angry at someone that knows nothing. Even though I knew that, I was irrationally irritated with Yuuki.

I knew that Yuuki liked Eri, so I guess it wasn’t strange for him to ask her to go out with him.

I spent my time hiding my irritation and successfully graduated from middle school and entered high school.

☆

A little over two months after entering high school, I received this e-mail from Yuuki.

[I’m going to confess my feelings to Eri tomorrow.]

It was a short and simple e-mail, but I could sense the seriousness in it, and it made me a little impatient. I thought it would be troublesome if he made things worse.

So I decided to talk to Kaisei and Eri about it.

In the group chat where only Yuuki was not there.

[Hey, I got a text from Yuuki saying he’s going to tell Eri tomorrow. What are you going to do?]

[I got one like that too.]

[Seriously? It’s too late for Yuuki to confess to me now.]

[Okay, I’ve got a good idea.]

[Seriously? What kind?]

[It’s–]

I decided to do it after receiving Kaisei’s suggestion. I thought it was a good opportunity. It was probably something he came up with on the spur of the moment, but I thought it might free me from a troublesome relationship.

If we completely shunned Yuuki, he would no longer be involved. With such an easygoing thought, we decided to humiliate Yuuki.

☆

After the summer vacation, our positions and Yuuki’s began to gradually switch.

I had no idea that Yuuki was a good-looking guy. Yuuki, who had never been a person who cared about his appearance, had become as cool as, or even cooler than Kaisei, with just a little trimming.

On the other hand, we were not doing so well in many things little by little.

Kaisei’s club activities, Eri’s weight, and my skin changed little by little. At school, fewer and fewer people got involved with us, and we gradually became more and more isolated.

After a while, I realized that it was because of Yuuki’s lunch boxes. We were not people who basically cared about food. We thought we could do anything.

If you don’t do much club activities for almost a month, of course you won’t be able to do as much as before. It was only because our diet was in order that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

If you eat and drink heavily for almost a month, of course you will gain weight and look bad. Yuuki was taking care of us.

If I ate junk food for almost a month without much care, my skin would be rough. He was kind to me, too.

By the time I realized that, it was already too late. I couldn’t even cry to Yuuki now. The pride from looking down on Yuuki until now got in our way.

In the end, the time passed without being able to properly apologize to Yuuki or ask him for help.

☆

And now. I was locked in a cold cage and just kept asking myself.

What went wrong, where did I go wrong? At least I know one thing.

We had gone too far. We were overconfident that Yuuki would not abandon his childhood friends. In the end, when I asked from above, I was refused, and I put into action the plan of Kaisei who was angry about it.

It was a sloppy plan. But was the plan, which he put into action as if possessed by something driven by his anger, intended to relieve his grief toward Yuuki? For Kaisei, it was nothing more and nothing less.

After I was caught, I honestly told him everything. However, Kaisei said that Yuuki was at fault, and Eri said that she had done nothing.

I was the calmest and was treated a little better than the other two.

“I want to apologize to Yuuki.”

Even if I muttered that in the middle of nowhere, no one would listen to my words. I’m not sure how I can do anything about it, especially when I’ve been trying to humiliate Yuuki.

But I still wanted to apologize to Yuuki.

I’m afraid of meeting Yuki. But I wanted to apologize for the terrible things I had done to Yuuki because I was abnormally obsessed with Kaisei. I was ashamed of myself for taking for granted all the things Yuuki did for me.

That’s why I wanted to meet Yuuki, even if it was only once.

☆

A few years passed, and I left the prison.

I didn’t think I could live a decent life, but I still wanted to be useful to someone. But before that, I had something to do.

I regretted it for a long time. Now, I thought, I might finally be able to apologize.

I was able to get the contact information from them sooner than I had expected. When I went to apologize to Yuuki’s parents, they gave me their contact information without seeming to mind.

“Um….is it okay?”

“It doesn’t matter. Those kids haven’t shown their faces to me lately. Kamisaka san seems to have changed a lot from before. I’ll give you a chance. In return, if you see them, tell them to come back once in a while.”

“Y-yes.”

She has always been a rather kind mother. It’s important that they work it out on their own. If there was nothing I could do, I would help them. I remembered that she had that kind of stance.

“….But. I don’t mean that I forgive you guys. But when you are young, you make a lot of mistakes. I think it’s important to understand those mistakes and think about what went wrong. And try to avoid them in the future. I know you can do that.”

“……..Thank you. I will never do something like this again.”

I declared and left Yuuki’s parents’ house.

Then, one month later. I was able to contact Yuuki and set up an appointment to meet.

☆

“Long time no see. I don’t know if you’ve been fine…..”

“……Yeah.”

The place to meet was the house where Yuuki is living now. In other words, Yuuki and the others were almost living together. So, of course, Shiori san, Riko chan, and Natsuki san were glaring at me.

“First of all, I’m so sorry. At that time, I hurt Yuuki as I was being carried away by Kaisei, and to top it all off, I did the worst thing a person can do.

Even if I apologize, it’s not enough, and I don’t think it’s something that should be forgiven. But I came here to apologize. I’m sorry.”

I said and bowed my head. Riko san, who was looking at me with wide-awake eyes, opened her mouth as if she were dumbfounded.

“Don’t you just want to think that by apologizing, you’ve made your own guilt lighter? After all, you’re thinking about yourself, not my brother, right?”

“Eh……”

“That’s right. If you think it’s really bad, didn’t you think about the possibility that Yuuki Nii might not want to see you? It seems that Yuuki Nii doesn’t particularly care this time, so it’s fine. Shouldn’t you think about it a little more?”

“Riko, Kamisaka san probably didn’t mean it that way either. Don’t be so angry.”

Riko san pointed this out to me, and I had a hiccup.

Inside the cage, I was tormented by a sense of guilt. So I wanted to apologize to Yuuki as much as possible. It may be that, as Riko san said, I just wanted to make my own guilt lighter.

If so, then perhaps the deepest reason I came here was the lousy reason I wanted to be forgiven.

“……You may indeed be right, Riko sam. But I came so I wouldn’t make the same mistake. I won’t stay long, so let’s at least hear me out.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Oh what have I done I think while apologizing and confessing to Yuuki to my past self.

What have I done to the person who is so kindly listening to me and listening to sinners?

I was a fool in the past. I had trampled on Yuuki’s kindness. This is my biggest regret in my life.

☆

“Well then, be well.”

“Thank you. Take care of yourself, Yuuki.:

Yuuki walked me to the station. I bowed deeply to Yuuki in front of the ticket gate and went to the station platform without looking back.

I still have more regrets, but I’m still glad that I came today.

There were many people on the platform in the evening, and I was glad to be at the front of the line. I want to go back today and get an interview for a part-time job first thing tomorrow.

While I was waiting with this in mind, an announcement came on, telling me that the train would be coming soon. I look up and get a strong shock on my back.

“…..Eh?”

The train is approaching, the sound of its brakes echoing on the platform. When the train was right in front of me, I realized.

This was my punishment. This was my punishment for trying to be forgiven.

The sound of the train crashing into me was extremely disturbing, and my consciousness was dragged into the darkness with the sensation that my body was being crushed.

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