Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818093092581245166/episodes/16818093093554680774
Sol and his friends then finished their meal and lay down to sleep. But Sol could not sleep. He could not stop the buzzing in his chest, because he was so aware of Celes and the hope that she might like him.
At the same time, there was the fear of being exposed for who he really was. The guilt of deceiving Celes desperately stilled his heart, which was on the verge of really liking her.
The person in question, Celes, is sleeping next to Sol, holding Sol’s hand. Since that day at the former hideout of the bandits, Celes has been sleeping while holding Sol’s hand every time.
Perhaps this kind of behavior may be because Celes loves Sol. At the moment he thought so, his head was jumbled up with happiness and sadness that she was not really in love with himself, but with the character of Sol.
Sol wanted to get away from Celes a little, so he took his hand away from hers. Then he got up to have a drink of water.
“…… Sol?”
But that action seemed to wake Celes up, and she called out Sol’s name.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I woke you up. I thought I’d get some water.”
“…..I see”
As soon as Sol returned after drinking water, Celes began to hold Sol’s hand again. And soon after, he began to hear her breathing in her sleep.
Oh, if she did that to me, I would really love her. I would make the mistake of thinking that she loves me for who I really am.
Thinking this, Sol moved closer to Celes. Then, just like that day, she gently stroked Celes’ head. Then Celes smiled happily.
“I’m sorry. Really, I’m sorry.”
If Celes really likes Sol. For Celes’ sake, he would be “Sol” as much as possible. However, if the day his true self is revealed, she will be …….
Let’s get away from each other. Sol thought so. No matter how much he love Celes, he will stay away from her.
Until then, please let me be with you as “Sol”.
Sol went to sleep with this thought in his mind.
◆
The next morning Sol was awakened by a noise.
Ah, this is the sound of his mother coming home.
Sol thought intuitively. In his memory, he had heard this sound many times.
Would she at least greet him?
So, Sol carefully removed his hand so as not to wake Celes, and quietly left the bedroom.
“Mother!”
“Oh, Sol! You’re back.
Are you going to stay a while?”
“Yes, I’ll be here for a few days.”
“Yeah. Ah, I have to leave now. You can use the house as you like, so feel free to spend time with your friends.”
With that, the mother left in a hurry. She probably just came to pick up some things. As an innkeeper, it was not unusual for Sol’s mother to spend the night at the inn.
It was not that Sol’s family was poor. Both his father and mother genuinely loved their jobs.
So when Sol was very young and his father decided to go to work in a larger city, his parents quarreled over who would raise Sol.
In the end, Sol’s father left alone for another city. Since then, they have hardly seen each other, so no matter how much Sol’s memory tries to retrace his father’s steps, his face is a blur. Sol’s mother also left Sol to work with her grandmother, who lived nearby.
[Are you going to be okay on your own?]
After her grandmother passed away, her mother asked Sol
Sol had no right to refuse. He could tell her that he was not okay, but her mother would just look at him with a puzzled look on her face.
[I’m fine!]
Sol would reply with a smile. Gradually, she stopped asking him anything.
The moment he touched Sol’s memory like that, he became a little unsure of Sol again. Why Sol was smiling in the habit of being lonely, Yuto could not understand.
Sol wanted to get some fresh air, so he went outside the house. It was early in the morning and no one was walking around. Sol looked at the city alone.
Sol grew up in this town. He was surrounded by his “precious friends. However, his “ precious friends” looked down on him.
Suddenly, another memory comes back to him. When he was a child, he was chased by a black dog. In retrospect, the dog was just trying to play with Sol, but at the time, Sol felt like he was being chased by a monster.
With no adults to rely on, it was Zed and Lacto who chased the dog away while laughing. The only thing they said to Sol at that time was to make fun of him. But it was the first time that Sol was cared about by someone.
Oh, so important person.
The Yuto in Sol is a bit convinced. In his memory, Sol always laughed no matter what was said to him. No matter how much he was ridiculed, no matter how many terrible things were said to him.
In this way, people gathered around Sol for the fun of it.
That’s not a real friend.
Yuto thinks. However, in his previous life, he hated to exchange mocking words with anyone, so he kept his distance from them and found that there were no people around him.
The more and more Sol was unknown, the less and less he understood. He was envious of Sol, and hated himself for being shunned by someone else, but he could not force himself to be liked by someone else like Sol.
Even in the original story, when Zed and Lacto left, saying they didn’t want anything to do with Sol anymore, Sol forced himself to laugh at first, saying he knew it.
But in the fight event before the fourth core purification, Sol was annoyed with Celes, who had not yet taken in the miasma, and said.
[You don’t know what it’s like for me to be all alone!]
When Yuto saw this line, he wondered if Sol’s personality would make friends again soon. But maybe Sol had been lonely for a long time time because he had never had any real friends.
“Sol!”
Sol turned around at the sound of Celes’ impatient voice. He wondered why she had rushed toward him, her face turning pale.
“!? What’s wrong?!”
“Sol ……! Oh, uh, no. …….”
Celes crouched down on the spot as if she had lost her strength.
“Celes,……?”
“Really, there’s nothing to it,……. I just woke up this morning and Sol wasn’t there,……. I remembered that day and ……. Well, I got scared ……. I’m sorry …….”
Hearing Celes’s words, Sol felt a sharp pain deep in his chest.
You’re an idiot, Sol.
Yuuto thinks. Sol should have met someone who cared for him so much. You’re all alone without knowing that.
Unlike Yuto, Sol had been loved by someone.
“I’m sorry too. I’ll never go anywhere without permission again. I’m really sorry.”
With these words, Sol hugged Celes. Then, she breathed out a sigh of relief. Sol’s heart throbbed deep in his chest, happy and sad to see Celes like that.
He wishes she could love Yuuto as well. He wish she could love him even to the useless parts. He hate himself for harboring such selfish desires.
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