Episode 27 – Shinkai Sakura ③

Source

https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16816700427224608463/episodes/16816700428141792087

A few months have passed. It’s time to get used to new classes and start thinking about which high school to apply to.

Normally, this would be a limited time to get to know newly enrolled juniors and spend time together with seniors in their last club activities. As I was not a member of any club, I had no such events, and I had my hands full making the acquaintances of my classmates.

However, it was a glorious time for me, who was desperate to live proudly as his disciple.

And then.

(impossible…..absolutely impossible !)

It was some time after I moved up to the second grade.

There was no foreshadowing of this uproar, and it was such a sudden event that it was a surprise.

[W-wait, Shinkai san !]

[Yes, there must be some mistake……]

My new friends were trying to hold me back. But there was no way I could stay calm.

[I have to ask him directly……this must be some kind of mistake !]

I told myself and desperately looked for him. The class next to where Kanata was supposed to be was in a state of confusion, and they were always talking about Kanata.

He must have left a while ago. The fact that there is a package in his desk makes it likely that he is still in the school.

(Maybe it’s that……thing?)

It happened a few months ago now, in other words, during freshman year. He and I unexpectedly uncovered the darkness that this school was harboring. He had seized upon the weakness of the Chairman, who was responsible for a series of disturbances, and demanded that the situation be remedied now. From the outside, the demand was quite natural, and I think we did a lot of good just because we did not disclose the fact.

The chairman, who had been under pressure, reluctantly accepted the request, and the situation seemed to have been resolved.

Perhaps the whole mess is still going on?

(No…..that’s impossible)

It’s hard to believe that the chairman could have gotten his hands on him. Besides, this time, the disturbance is not a student-teacher problem, but a disturbance that happened between the students. Anyway, I won’t know anything until we find him.

（Where would he be at a time like this?)

Such a place is obvious.

I ran frantically down the hallway toward the roof of the school. I no longer stop by there because my classroom has changed with the change of grade, but I still remember the path to that place without forgetting it.

I opened the familiar door and looked around the rooftop and saw\…….

[…….Kanata.]

[……]

I felt relieved that he was there, but at the same time I was worried about whether the rumors I had heard were true.

He was resting his arm on the fence on the rooftop and staring at the sky in the distance. He looked very weak with a fragile atmosphere around him.

[There’s a lot of speculation going on about you, what’s that supposed to mean?]

[……]

He was not making eye contact with me. I guess he’s listening to me, but I wonder if he doesn’t feel like answering.

I thought it was okay, so I talked to him one-sidedly.

[I’ve heard a lot of rumors, all of them terrible.]

[……]

His shoulders shook a little. He must have been reacting to the fact that I had heard the rumors. But he quickly became unresponsive.

“I heard that your parents are criminals and are in prison, that you are friends with a gang and have a prefect, that you threaten your teachers with violence, and that you drove one of your classmates to……mental breakdown.”

I have an idea about the latter two, but I can deny it out loud. It was not violence that drove the chairman, but the presentation of evidence and psychological reading of the evidence. And driving my classmates to a mental breakdown is definitely the people who were judged for my bullying. As for these two, they deserved what they got and there is no need for him to take responsibility at all.

[Also, um, you said that you stole a girl’s underwear, and that you always had a girl serve you behind the scenes… but that must be a lie, right?]

[……]

[It’s important to not lie to yourself and insist on it, you’re the one who told me that, right?]

A year ago now. He said that to me. If that’s the case, he can’t run away like this……

[Kanata?]

I had noticed that he was acting strangely, but something was obviously wrong. No, something was different from the usual Kanata. But without being able to find such a sense of discomfort

[……It’s all true.]

[……Eh?]

What did he just say……?

[I did it all.]

He finally turned his head to look at me. His face was…..

[…….]

His expressionless and cold face was incomparable to the smiling face he had until now. He’s like a different person.

[You did it…..eh?]

I was completely confused, unable to swallow the change in the situation and what he had said. No, I know what he meant. But I don’t understand. I don’t want to.

(Kanata……such a thing !)

But I do know. I know that he always keeps his beliefs. He has set some rules to bind himself. I don’t know if it is to weigh himself or not, or to avoid greed. But all of them were admirable beliefs.

(He said he would never lie.)

One of them must have been not to lie. And that is why even myself ……

[…..Why?]

[……?]

[Why would you do that?]

There’s a reason I’m in such a hurry. In fact, just recently there was a little commotion in our class.

A girl in my class lost her change of underwear that she was supposed to have. I can only assume that someone broke in during gym class and took it out. And it has been proven that all the boys and girls in my class were in the gym. This means that the culprit must be someone from another class or someone from the faculty.

It seems that the topic was brought up in all class homerooms, and to this day the culprit is still unknown. And the guy who never lies has confessed to it, which caused a commotion in the next class. Why in the world……

[What’s the reason?]

[……]

[Hey, answer me, Kanata !]

[……I told you the truth. Now leave me alone.]

Leave you alone? I can’t do that…….

[You know I can’t do that !? You would never do such a thing. Absolutely, ridiculous !　You think such a blatant lie is going to work on me……]

[……Hey, I was just thinking.]

[……Eh?]

He narrowed his eyes in front of me and said to me with a cold expression on his face.

[What makes you think you can stand alongside me?]

[W-what are you talking about?]

[….You’re open.]

[……Ah]

I felt a floating sensation as if I was spinning in circles and a gentle but sharp shock on my back.

I found myself looking at the sky with my eyes wide open. And after a delay, I felt a dull ache in my back that made it hard to breathe.

[‘Ahh, ugh. ……]]

Less than a second. I was instantly packed in his direction and knocked over with all his might. What’s more, I didn’t realize it until late because there was almost no impact on my back.

He was not covering me, but standing upright by my head. He stared at the door on the way home as if he didn’t care about me.

[As expected, it’s no good.. I’m the only one who can beat me.]

[Why….]

[Heroes are crap.]

He said it as if to spit it out. The words were supposed to be his creed, a blow that shattered the back of the man I had been chasing. The slightest glimpse of his face was that of a prisoner who had lost interest in everything.

[You were deceiving me !]

I was slowly becoming angry. There was no way I would allow him to say and do such a selfish thing now. Above all, he who hated to raise his hand to a woman attacked me.

How many times he, the hero I trusted, has to betray me !?

[Deceive? Let me make this clear.]

As if to tell me that my back was now aching, he said in a calm tone.

[Every absurdity is caused by bad luck and lack of preparation. You and I just let it get the better of us.]

[What…..you say……?]

[If you’re so frustrated, why don’t you hate yourself for being so weak that you couldn’t stop me?]

[……]

I had never heard him say that to me before. The words now gnawed at my heart and robbed me of the will to stand up. No, maybe it was my courage that was taken away. I didn’t dare to look him in the face again.

[After rubbing the trauma of being bullied for so long, you’re trying to  be dependent. That’s fine, but why don’t you stop relying on someone?]

[……]

[That’s why you’ll never change.]

With a clatter, he vanished through the door, leaving only the sound of the door slamming shut.

[Uu……uuh.]

I shed tears silently. This is the second time I cried on the roof. That time he patted me on the head, and now after he threw me off. Our connection is really gone now.

So after that, he left the school. Since then, he has never visited me at school, and I have gone on to graduate.

[……]

For the next two years. The class he left was awkward, and I graduated without any change. My class didn’t change much, but a girl who said she had been the victim of underwear theft by him was crying in anger. I couldn’t leave her alone because her face at that time was just like mine used to be.

The more I got to know her, the more I could not forgive him.

[……Kanata.]

Looking back, I probably thought I knew everything about him. I didn’t even know his phone number or where he lived, and maybe he never considered me a friend from the start. Maybe he laughed at me all the time….

[Unforgivable.]

The hero I admired was shattered by him. Above all, that person I trusted more than anyone else is gone.

[Absolutely, I will……]

If he has turned to evil, where is the hero to set it right? I’m the only one who can do that. I don’t know if we will ever be reunited, and I may never see him again in my future life. However, if we were to meet each other again……

[I will punish him.]

That girl was crying. By the time she was about to graduate, the incident had faded away, but there was no doubt that she was still traumatized. In that case, the hero should be punished.

[……]

I silently stared at my own palm. And then I remember what I can do, one by one, as if to make sure.

I’m not him. I can never be as strong as him, and I can never be as smart as him. Even so, he told me that human beings have unlimited potential for growth. Then let’s show it to him and surpass him.

[….Goodbye.]

I don’t need Kanata as my hero anymore.

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