Episode 35 –  degradation

Not only in elementary school of course, but from the first year of junior high school to here, I have always scored high. Although my secondary subjects, such as music and art, were lower, I still scored well above average.

…… Is this really my test?　Has someone rewritten my name?　Hasn’t someone done some kind of substitution?　I don’t care if it’s a secondary subject, how can I be below average in five subjects? ……

“I heard he fell out of the single digits in the rankings.”

“I just glanced at him a few minutes ago, and he scored 60 in math.”

“He’s dropped so low. It’s because he’s playing with girls all the time.”

…… usually people don’t go out of your way to make it sound like that.　The average score is not only sixty, but even the average score is not reached. Even though my ranking has dropped, I’m still in the top 20%. Why should I be made fun of?

“How did you do on your test, Hatoyama kun?”

Amamiya-san, holding the returned test, spoke to me with a calm expression on her face. It’s soothing. …… I guess this person has no concept of malice. ……

“Haha,…… you can see it.”

I had no reason to hide it, so I spread it out on my desk so that I could see the score. Some people look at me with a smirk on their face, but I ignore them, ignore them. Ignore the idiots who are happy or sad over whether they got a red mark or not.

“What I see? You got a high score, mooo!”

…… Really?　I guess it’s not low, but it’s not high either.　What’s sad is that my math score is still one of the better ones. A score of sixty or so is supposed to be low for me.

“But it’s way down from what it used to be. ……”

　
I’ve dropped to the point where my parents and teachers are worried about me. I think I can still roll it back.

I mean, only two subjects are below the average, how low can they all be? I don’t mean to look down on you because of your score, but isn’t the average score too low?　I’m grateful for that, though.

“That’s just because your scores have been high so far. Don’t worry about it.

……You are so kind, Amamiya.

I was actually more depressed than I looked. I was not able to solve the problems as I wanted during the test, I got a lower score than usual, and the people around me scorned me,…… I felt as if I was a piece of …… trash.

I felt like I lost confidence in myself, or I felt worthless,…….

But that’s just a misunderstanding, right?　I’m just thinking too much, right?　I’m not worthless, right?

“Ouch….”

Mu?

“Amamiya? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Oh, ……. It’s nothing.”

“……? Really?”

Is it a misunderstanding ……?　For a brief moment, it looked like Amamiya-san was having a stomach ache. Was it my imagination?　Well, it’s hard to imagine that she would have a stomach ache for just a moment, and there would be no reason to hide her physical condition, so I guess it was just my imagination.

There was some kind of buzz among the students nearby, but I decided to ignore it. I’ve learned the hard way that nothing good can come from being friendly to anyone.

“I heard he got a failing grade.”

“That’s because he’s studying P.E. all the time.”

“I hope he gets an STD.”

All this just for walking down the hallway for a few minutes. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you must hate me a lot. I don’t mind, though. I have Haruie and Amemiya.

I mean, who cares about a stranger’s grades?　I’m sure only a few people know my test results, but strangely enough, there’s a lot of information out there.

…… strange indeed?　If someone who was always in first place in their grade fell down, but I’m only in the top tier, you know?　Isn’t it supposed to be unrecognizable except for the top?

Whoa, it’s Haruie. A female student looking out of the hallway window is a common sight, but it’s so picturesque.

“Haruie san”

“Hey, Zenkichi kun. How are your test results?”

Oh, I wonder if there is any information about Haruie-san. Well, she is as isolated as I am. I’m sure she’s the type of person who doesn’t pay much attention to her classmates and doesn’t listen in on their conversations.

“……lower than usual.”

“Well ……. Never mind, it’s all my fault for interrupting.”

“What are you trying to say? It’s not your fault”

I’m surprised. I know you were thinking of me, but I never thought you would blame yourself.

……No, well, if I say it’s her fault, it’s certainly true, isn’t it?　But I don’t hold a grudge. It’s my fault after all.

“By the way, I got an average of over ninety points. It just so happened that the art and music sections matched my knowledge.”

Hahahaha ……. I’m getting beaten on by a s*xual predator. ……

No, that’s not good, she’s my friend so I have to congratulate her honestly…

“It’s great, isn’t it? Haruie-san is a brilliant woman after all.”

The average is over ninety, huh? I’ve rarely exceeded it on a mid-term test, but never on a final test.

Even if I had been in good shape, I probably wouldn’t have gone that high. If I think about it, I feel …… pathetic.

“he’s talking to alien again, that guy.”

“Aren’t they both aliens?”

“You’re right.”

No ……. Once you become despicable, even a cheap provocation like this will come back to haunt you. I have to have a strong heart. ……

“Zenkichi kun. It seems that you tend to be influenced by the words and actions of those around you.”

I wonder if I was showing too much in my facial expression, but Haruie-san saw right through me. I can’t compete with her.

“I think everyone is like that. I feel like I’m having a bad dream.”

I thought I had made up my mind that I was going to be okay with the way people looked at me, but the truth is, it doesn’t work out that way. I mean, it’s one thing if they didn’t like me from the beginning, but until now they’ve adored me in their own way, you know?　I know there is some kind of misunderstanding going on, but I have absolutely no idea what it is. It’s kind of uncomfortable to feel like I’m being groped in the gut, where it doesn’t hurt.

It’s more like I’ve been hit by the ugliness of humanity than by the words themselves. ……

“I don’t understand. I can understand if there is actual harm being done, but I don’t really understand the psychology of being afraid of the knife of words.”

“Eh? I don’t like it in general, do you? It’s hard for anyone to be maligned.”

There are quite a few people who suspend their activities because of slander, but I don’t think those people are exaggerating. Third parties may not understand it well, but from their point of view, it’s not so easy. It’s really hard on the soul to be told what to do and what not to do.

“I don’t want to boast that I am naturally strong. With just one attitude, one way of thinking, those people don’t bother me anymore.”

Is that…… method of yours?　Maybe it’s not exactly mentalism, but is there a way of thinking that makes you not care about those around you?　It sounds a little bit like a weird self-help book, but she actually has an invincible mentality, so it’s credible.

“First of all, you need to spend time with me all the time. Watch and learn from me.”

“That’s reassuring.”

I wish she could verbally teach me, but that’s what this is called. It must be the “watch and learn” method. In my opinion, manualization is justice, but I’ll just follow the professionals like a grown-up.

–

–

If you enjoy our content, feel free to donate, Thank you in advance !

https://ko-fi.com/dasuitl

https://saweria.co/dasuitl